The Colbert Report

Sign Off - Second Amendment

Season 9 • 02/04/2013

Stephen consults the Constitution.

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00:06

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen says goodnight.
01/30/2013
04:27

Sport Report - Gatorade Chemicals & Chicken Wing Shortage
The Colbert ReportS9

Gatorade without flame retardant is like hotdogs without pig sphincter, and chicken thieves run a-fowl as wing prices fly high.
01/31/2013
01:10

Sign Off - Welcome Baby Sanchez!
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen congratulates his wardrobe mistress who just gave birth to the newest citizen of Colbert Nation.
01/31/2013
03:22

Craziest F#?King Thing I've Ever Heard - Crows Using Tools
The Colbert ReportS9

A bird demonstrates higher-level thinking while Big Bird, after 40 years, still needs help counting to 10.
01/31/2013
05:58

Sport Report - Ads for Ads & Deer Antler Spray
The Colbert ReportS9

TiVo watchers practice fast-forwarding, and Sports Illustrated accuses Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis of deer antler doping.
01/31/2013
06:48

Bipartisan Immigration Reform
The Colbert ReportS9

Latino immigrants deserve the same Social Security, Medicare and public education benefits that all Americans are slowly losing.
02/04/2013
02:45

Skeet Shooting Skeptics
The Colbert ReportS9

If President Obama really loved guns, he'd be waving them around at a petting zoo and picking off baby goats, not skeet shooting.
02/04/2013
06:44

Sonia Sotomayor
The Colbert ReportS9

Justice Sotomayor discusses her funny colleagues, self-reliant childhood and most conservative belief as an Independent.
02/04/2013
03:21

Super Bowl XLVII
The Colbert ReportS9

Budweiser turns out a tearjerker ad, Beyonce ends the halftime tradition of arthritic legends, and the Superdome loses power for 35 minutes.
02/04/2013
00:36

Intro - 2/4/13
The Colbert ReportS9

The GOP tries to appeal to Hispanics, President Obama seeks support from gun owners, and Sonia Sotomayor is the first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice.
02/04/2013
00:06

Sign Off - Second Amendment
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen reviews the Second Amendment and says goodnight.
02/04/2013
00:08

Sign Off - Final Rose
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen accepts an iconic reality show prop.
02/05/2013
04:21

Tip/Wag - Drunk Donating & "The Job" Reality Show
The Colbert ReportS9

Houston patrons vote on which charity should receive a bar's proceeds, and CBS turns America's unemployment problem into America's entertainment solution.
02/05/2013
03:57

Royal Remains
The Colbert ReportS9

Archeologists discover King Richard III's remains beneath a supermarket parking lot, which explains his famous last words: "My kingdom for a Hot Pocket!"
02/05/2013
06:24

Julie Andrews
The Colbert ReportS9

Julie Andrews discusses her Dame Commander rank, latest children's book and celebrated role as Mary Poppins.
02/05/2013
05:15

California's Heroic Hitchhiker
The Colbert ReportS9

A young man named Kai proves that hatchet-bearing hitchhikers are people too -- people who sometimes stop madmen from running loose on the freeway.
02/05/2013
00:36

Intro - 2/5/13
The Colbert ReportS9

There's a new way to donate to charity, Stephen honors an improbable hero, and Julie Andrews considers whether or not the hills are still alive.
02/05/2013
04:03

Stephen's Sister for Congress
The Colbert ReportS9

As an objective broadcast journalist, Stephen will not be mentioning that his sister is intelligent, hardworking, compassionate and dedicated to the people of South Carolina.
02/06/2013
00:11

Sign Off - Watermelon Warning
The Colbert ReportS9

Stephen responds to Scientology President David Miscavige.
02/06/2013
00:35

Intro - 2/6/13
The Colbert ReportS9

A surprising candidate runs for Congress, America reassesses the penny, and Lawrence Wright promotes his book, "Going Clear."
02/06/2013
06:40

Lawrence Wright
The Colbert ReportS9

The Pulitzer Prize-winning author discusses his book, "Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief."
02/06/2013
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