The Colbert Report

Intro - 12/9/09

Season 5 • 12/09/2009

The GOP is having an identity crisis. They can't decide whether they're white or translucent.

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07:18

Andy Schlafly
The Colbert ReportS5

Andy Schlafly invites the best of the public to translate the Bible on Conservapedia.
12/08/2009
00:31

Intro - 12/8/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Ben Bernanke may lose his job, and Andy Schlafly creates a conservative version of Wikipedia.
12/08/2009
00:02

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for the show, everybody.
12/08/2009
05:32

Fed's Dead
The Colbert ReportS5

People like Bernie Sanders want to pull down the Federal Reserve's pantaloons to look at its fiscal naughty parts.
12/08/2009
01:22

How Far Good Parents Will Go
The Colbert ReportS5

It's sad when only six percent of parents would knock someone over to grab the last toy for their kids.
12/08/2009
00:06

Sign Off - Goodnight With Krampus
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodnight as Krampus shakes his rusty chains.
12/09/2009
06:52

Matt Taibbi
The Colbert ReportS5

Matt Taibbi discusses Goldman Sachs' unprecedented access and influence on the government.
12/09/2009
04:35

The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Hallmark & Krampus
The Colbert ReportS5

Hallmark encourages people to buy greeting cards instead of presents, and the Christmas Krampus visits Stephen.
12/09/2009
02:09

Monkey ThreatDown - Holes & Banana Too High
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen appeals to the prized monkey demographic by presenting a Monkey ThreatDown.
12/09/2009
05:17

The Word - Grand Old Purity
The Colbert ReportS5

The GOP must put moderate Republicans in situations that reveal their true beliefs, like in the movie "Saw."
12/09/2009
00:35

Intro - 12/9/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The GOP can't decide whether it's white or translucent, and Matt Taibbi says Goldman Sachs controls the government.
12/09/2009
02:15

Skate Expectations - Bobsled Team Tryouts
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to be part of the U.S. bobsledding team, which is comprised of one driver, one brakeman and two human airbags.
12/10/2009
00:02

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for the show, everybody.
12/10/2009
06:41

Lara Logan
The Colbert ReportS5

Lara Logan weighs in on Obama's complex plan in Afghanistan and explains why Osama bin Laden hasn't been captured.
12/10/2009
05:54

Skate Expectations - Bobsled Team Tryouts - Team Night Train
The Colbert ReportS5

The members of Team Night Train teach Stephen how to push and ride his way to glory.
12/10/2009
05:13

Obama's Nobel Prize Speech & Afghandyland
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama accepts his Nobel Peace Prize at a pancake breakfast, and Stephen plays the home version of the Afghan war.
12/10/2009
04:32

Snoop Dogg
The Colbert ReportS5

Snoop Dogg works on his acting skills by reading a soap opera script with Stephen.
12/14/2009
03:55

Stephen Challenges Shani Davis - Katherine Reutter
The Colbert ReportS5

Katherine Reutter wants Stephen to autograph her thigh so she can skate faster.
12/14/2009
04:47

Stephen Challenges Shani Davis
The Colbert ReportS5

If Shani Davis beats Stephen in a speedskating race, he'll get an autographed copy of his Sports Illustrated cover.
12/14/2009
00:32

Intro - 12/14/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Obama deserves the Nobel Prize as much as the guy who invented dynamite, and Snoop Dogg brings Stephen some frankincense.
12/14/2009
02:31

President Obama - The Colbert Interview
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen sends a fitting replacement to interview President Obama's cardboard cutout about Corrugate-gate.
12/14/2009
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