The Colbert Report

The Word - None of the Above

Season 2 • 03/15/2006

Stephen redesigns the SATs.

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02:54

The Word - Scapegoat
The Colbert ReportS2

The whole point of the scapegoat is ruined if the goat wanders back into the village and testifies against the high priest.
03/14/2006
02:39

Trusting the Media
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen presents some examples of the mainstream media's sublimi-Nazi cropaganda.
03/14/2006
00:27

Intro - 3/14/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen wonders how Keith Olbermann escaped the gravitational pull of Chris Matthews' head long enough to appear on The Colbert Report.
03/14/2006
02:25

HipHopKetball II: The ReJazzebration Remix '06
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen previews the sequel to his documentary, "Hiphopketball: A Jazzebration," with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
03/14/2006
00:07

Fract - Hawaii
The Colbert ReportS2

Hawaii was the last state admitted to the union.
03/14/2006
01:26

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Bear Wrestling
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen hopes that bears stay out of high school and college athletics.
03/15/2006
00:34

Intro - 3/15/06
The Colbert ReportS2

How many children must a man father before you call him a man? Turns out the answer is around 20.
03/15/2006
03:48

Al Franken Fields Calls
The Colbert ReportS2

Al Franken speculates on why Bill O'Reilly doesn't do USO tours.
03/15/2006
04:56

Sperm Donor
The Colbert ReportS2

If you wanna showcase how private you are, come out and do it in public.
03/15/2006
06:08

Al Franken
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen wants Al Franken to announce his senate run on his show as soon as possible.
03/15/2006
03:13

The Word - None of the Above
The Colbert ReportS2

To place college-bound kids, ask them questions like, "Can America be wrong? Answer in two letters or less."
03/15/2006
00:30

Intro - 3/16/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen reports on a new sleep aide, interviews author and actor Frank Vincent and profiles the U.S. Virgin Islands.
03/16/2006
05:44

Better Know a Protectorate - The Virgin Islands - Donna Christensen
The Colbert ReportS2

Virgin Islands Representative Donna Christensen takes time away from not voting to talk to Stephen Colbert.
03/16/2006
03:10

Who's Attacking Me Now? - Commander Coconut
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen finds it handy to play the "tumor card" in a pinch.
03/16/2006
00:06

Sign Off - I'll Miss You
The Colbert ReportS2

The show is over, and Stephen will miss his American viewers.
03/16/2006
07:28

Frank Vincent
The Colbert ReportS2

Frank Vincent is so manly that he lives in a town called Nutley.
03/16/2006
03:07

The Word - Sweet Dreams
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen is hungry, horny and having a fabulous dream that he's playing catch with an alligator.
03/16/2006
01:16

Jessica Simpson Turns Down GOP
The Colbert ReportS2

Jessica Simpson turned down an invitation from President Bush to attend a GOP fundraiser, leaving Stephen no choice but to throw out his copy of her CD, "Sweet Kisses."
03/20/2006
07:18

Connie Chung
The Colbert ReportS2

Connie Chung went back to work because her husband, Maury Povich, was sick of her being around the house all the time.
03/20/2006
00:26

Intro - 3/20/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Tonight, Stephen raises the alert from brown to grizzly, Hollywood tries to destroy America and, hopefully, Connie Chung doesn't reveal what keeps romance with Maury alive.
03/20/2006
04:35

Movies That Are Destroying America - Post-Oscar Wrap-Up
The Colbert ReportS2

The pageantry of the Oscars is over, and all we're left with is horrible, horrible movies.
03/20/2006
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