The Colbert Report

Jessica Simpson Turns Down GOP

Season 2 • 03/20/2006

Jessica Simpson turned down the GOP, forcing Stephen to throw out his copy of "Sweet Kisses."

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Better Know a Protectorate - The Virgin Islands - Donna Christensen
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Virgin Islands Representative Donna Christensen takes time away from not voting to talk to Stephen Colbert.
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Who's Attacking Me Now? - Commander Coconut
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Stephen finds it handy to play the "tumor card" in a pinch.
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Sign Off - I'll Miss You
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The show is over, and Stephen will miss his American viewers.
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Frank Vincent
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Frank Vincent is so manly that he lives in a town called Nutley.
03/16/2006
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The Word - Sweet Dreams
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Stephen is hungry, horny and having a fabulous dream that he's playing catch with an alligator.
03/16/2006
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Connie Chung
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Connie Chung went back to work because her husband, Maury Povich, was sick of her being around the house all the time.
03/20/2006
00:26

Intro - 3/20/06
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Tonight, Stephen raises the alert from brown to grizzly, Hollywood tries to destroy America and, hopefully, Connie Chung doesn't reveal what keeps romance with Maury alive.
03/20/2006
04:35

Movies That Are Destroying America - Post-Oscar Wrap-Up
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The pageantry of the Oscars is over, and all we're left with is horrible, horrible movies.
03/20/2006
02:08

The Word - Stop It
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The vernal equinox was last night, and now even the weariest among us feels a stirring within at the world's rebirth -- which bring us to tonight's word: stop it.
03/20/2006
04:03

War in Iraq - Third Anniversary
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For the war in Iraq's third anniversary, Stephen thought it would be nice to get a cake in the shape of the prophet Muhammad.
03/20/2006
01:16

Jessica Simpson Turns Down GOP
The Colbert ReportS2

Jessica Simpson turned down an invitation from President Bush to attend a GOP fundraiser, leaving Stephen no choice but to throw out his copy of her CD, "Sweet Kisses."
03/20/2006
03:34

World Baseball Classic
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Japan defeated Cuba 10-6 to win the World Baseball Classic -- we won! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
03/21/2006
00:26

Intro - 3/21/06
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Tonight: the early symptoms of mad cow disease, which include short term memory loss, and the early symptoms of mad cow disease, which include short term memory loss.
03/21/2006
03:12

The Word - Eat It
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Expensive tests for mad cow disease make corporations sick, and nothing tears Stephen up more than the thought of a sick corporation.
03/21/2006
05:52

Steve Kroft
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Does Morley Safer makes Steve Kroft run and get him cigarettes on the set of "60 Minutes"?
03/21/2006
02:09

The In-Box - Corrections
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Stephen loves getting e-mail from viewers -- even corrections sound like love letters.
03/21/2006
04:39

Employee Performance Reviews
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Stephen had scheduled employee performance reviews for after the show, but decides to go ahead and conduct them on-air.
03/21/2006
04:55

Dan Senor
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Former Coalition Provisional Authority spokesman Dan Senor is conservative on national security but liberal on neckties.
03/22/2006
00:09

Sign Off - Thank You, America
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Stephen wants to thank America for watching -- not the viewers at home, but the government.
03/22/2006
01:23

Advice for Jennifer Anniston
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Jennifer Aniston is moving from Hollywood to Chicago, and Stephen has some advice for her: head to the Wiener's Circle at Clark and Wrightwood and get a francheesy.
03/22/2006
07:09

Better Know a District - California's 27th - Brad Sherman
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Stephen's interview with Representative Brad Sherman, whose district contains a large portion of the porn industry, is interrupted by a pizza delivery guy.
03/22/2006
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