The Colbert Report

Tek Jansen - Beginning's First Dawn: Episode Three

Season 5 • 01/05/2009

Tek Jansen helps some delicious civilians escape slavery.

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03:22

Rod Blagojevich's Birthday
The Colbert ReportS4

Governor, you really shouldn't have told anyone about last year's birthday wish to get away with your crimes.
12/10/2008
03:49

The Ghost of Stage Manager Bobby
The Colbert ReportS4

The ghost of Bobby returns to show Stephen what his life was like before he became a greedy, narcissistic shell of a man.
12/11/2008
00:37

Intro - 12/11/08
The Colbert ReportS4

Atheists are trying to take the Christ out of Christmas. What's next, taking the Christ out of Christiane Amanpour?
12/11/2008
00:38

Stephen Eats Ghost Ribs
The Colbert ReportS4

Stephen wishes everybody a Merry Christmas, especially his former stage manager Bobby.
12/11/2008
07:09

Michael Phelps
The Colbert ReportS4

Michael Phelps will compete in the 2010 Winter Olympics after Stephen teaches him how to ice dance.
12/11/2008
07:22

The Word - The Unbearable Lightness of Supreme Being
The Colbert ReportS4

Christmas really burns atheists up, which they can think of as a preview of their afterlife.
12/11/2008
06:29

Colbert and Colmes - Roland Burris Appointment
The Colbert ReportS5

Rod Blagojevich proves himself to be a civil rights leader.
01/05/2009
04:37

John King
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen congratulates John King and the rest of the media on getting Obama elected.
01/05/2009
00:27

Intro - 1/5/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen is still feeling the effects of his New Year's celebration.
01/05/2009
02:52

Colbert and Colmes - Colmes Gets Fired
The Colbert ReportS5

Alan Colmes can't come back to the show unless he has a book to promote.
01/05/2009
05:12

Tek Jansen - Beginning's First Dawn: Episode Three
The Colbert ReportS5

Tek Jansen attempts to free some innocent, delicious beings from slavery.
01/05/2009
00:25

Thank You, Stephen
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to thank all the people who make this show possible.
01/06/2009
03:28

Ponzi Schemes
The Colbert ReportS5

Bernard Madoff lost less money than AIG and he throws way better parties.
01/06/2009
03:59

Hiding Gold - David Leonhardt
The Colbert ReportS5

David Leonhardt endorses Stephen's new business of hiding gold.
01/06/2009
05:09

Matt Miller
The Colbert ReportS5

Matt Miller says the government must make sure we have basic securities like health care and pensions.
01/06/2009
06:59

Better Know a District - Utah's 3rd - Jason Chaffetz
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen beats Jason Chaffetz in leg wrestling.
01/06/2009
00:36

Intro - 1/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Obama wants to make it easier for people to sue their employers for past abuse. Jon Stewart, Stephen's silence about your workouts ends.
01/07/2009
06:10

Benicio Del Toro
The Colbert ReportS5

Benicio Del Toro talks about meeting Castro to prepare for "Che."
01/07/2009
05:32

The Word - Statute of Liberty
The Colbert ReportS5

If Barack Obama wants people to get the justice they were denied in the past, he should get someone to deny their civil rights now.
01/07/2009
02:49

Dr. Gupta's Penis Pyramid
The Colbert ReportS5

If Sanjay Gupta gets appointed as surgeon general he'll change the food pyramid.
01/07/2009
03:24

Tip/Wag - Cocaine Honey
The Colbert ReportS5

Now we know that the missing honeybees are in the bathroom doing a bump.
01/07/2009
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