The Colbert Report

Electronic Edition

Season 5 • 04/08/2009

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01:20

Queen Noor's Royal Treatment
The Colbert ReportS5

To make sure Stephen doesn't violate any royalty protocol, he's going to wear surgical gloves.
04/07/2009
04:55

The Word - Morally Bankrupt
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TV has so little societal value that Bill Gates is willing to pay to provide the most cursory positive messages.
04/07/2009
07:02

Better Know a District - New York's 25th - Dan Maffei
The Colbert ReportS5

Congressman Dan Maffei's "evil twin" tells Stephen why he loves cocaine and the company of prostitutes.
04/07/2009
06:21

Queen Noor
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Queen Noor will only knight Stephen after he signs the Global Zero declaration.
04/07/2009
00:35

Intro - 4/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Are TV networks desperate for revenue? Find out more on an all-new episode of "How I Met Your Pepsi."
04/07/2009
03:14

Birkat Hachama - Stephen Frees His Jews
The Colbert ReportS5

Birkat Hachama marks the time for Stephen to free his Jews.
04/08/2009
00:33

Intro - 4/8/09
The Colbert ReportS5

An update on Stephen's trip to the Persian Gulf, and Phil Bronstein discusses the death of newspapers.
04/08/2009
06:51

Phil Bronstein
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen asks Phil Bronstein if the death of newspapers and journalistic oversight will begin a golden age of corruption.
04/08/2009
05:43

Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Bahrain
The Colbert ReportS5

The military asked Stephen to adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" policy for his trip, which is hard because he's Dubai-curious.
04/08/2009
03:13

Alpha Dog of the Week - Ted Stevens
The Colbert ReportS5

Ted Stevens seeks justice for others, as long as those others are him.
04/08/2009
00:14

Electronic Edition
The Colbert ReportS5

Far too many of you still get the show delivered on paper.
04/08/2009
04:42

The Enemy Within - Hedgehogs
The Colbert ReportS5

Hedgehogs were illegal in Kansas until one obsessed 10-year-old played the cute card.
04/09/2009
00:24

Stephen's Severed Head
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen earns 2,634 weeks of workers' comp for severing his head.
04/09/2009
06:30

Bart Ehrman
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Stephen discusses Bart Ehrman's theory that the Bible contradicts itself.
04/09/2009
02:19

Workers' Comp Temptation
The Colbert ReportS5

The New York Times' worker's compensation chart for severed limbs continues to tempt Stephen.
04/09/2009
05:38

ThreatDown - Robert Gates, Dog Seders & Obama
The Colbert ReportS5

Robert Gates chops our defense budget, dogs get their own Seders, and Obama bows before the Saudi king.
04/09/2009
00:36

Intro - 4/14/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The government tries to regulate small loans, and Susie Orbach wants us to rethink our body image.
04/14/2009
04:33

Susie Orbach
The Colbert ReportS5

If Susie Orbach drops five pounds, she could be talking about her book "Bodies" on The Daily Show.
04/14/2009
06:33

Space Module: Colbert - Sunita Williams
The Colbert ReportS5

However far the space station goes, Stephen's treadmill will always have gone a few miles more.
04/14/2009
04:16

The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too
The Colbert ReportS5

The Payday Loan Reform Act drags the payday loan industry out of the darkness and into the anemic firefly flicker of nominal oversight.
04/14/2009
00:07

Goodnight, Helen
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wishes Helen a good night.
04/14/2009
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