The Colbert Report

Juvenile Speeches from Congress & President Sparkle-Talk

Season 8 • 06/04/2012

Congress is so dumb that it took them seven years just to be held back a grade.

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04:21

Buy Best-Selling "I Am a Pole (And So Can You!)"
The Colbert ReportS8

Stephen's clearly nonfiction book about a talking, soul-searching pole hits two best-selling lists, while Bill O'Reilly's book lags behind.
05/31/2012
02:02

Barack Obama's Righteous Drone Strikes
The Colbert ReportS8

The government takes out Al Qaeda's "number two," and Barack Obama finds an alternative to shutting down Guantanamo Bay.
05/31/2012
03:31

The Word - Two Birds With One Drone
The Colbert ReportS8

The Obama administration reasons that anyone in a strike zone is likely Al Qaeda, so no one has to feel guilty about civilian casualties.
05/31/2012
05:47

Jack Hitt
The Colbert ReportS8

Author Jack Hitt explores America's self-made history, job creators and the cyclical nature of amateurism.
05/31/2012
03:55

Michael Bloomberg's Super-Sized Soda Scheme
The Colbert ReportS8

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg plans to ban super-sized sodas, even though America hasn't achieved type-3 diabetes yet.
05/31/2012
00:51

Sign Off - Welcome Baby Gwinn!
The Colbert ReportS8

Stephen suspects that one of his writers has broken the strict, company abstinence pledge.
05/31/2012
05:22

The Word - Sink or Swim
The Colbert ReportS8

Scientists predict an economy-destroying, 39-inch sea level rise, but North Carolina drafts a law to make it eight inches.
06/04/2012
04:58

Better Know a District - Represent-O-Map 6000 & Georgia's 5th
The Colbert ReportS8

Nancy Pelosi and the Represent-O-Map 6000 boost representative bookings, and Stephen profiles Georgia's 5th congressional district.
06/04/2012
06:43

John Lewis
The Colbert ReportS8

Congressman John Lewis recalls the 1965 Selma-to-Montgomery March, America's segregation and his mentor Martin Luther King, Jr.
06/04/2012
00:06

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS8

Stephen says goodnight.
06/04/2012
03:38

Juvenile Speeches from Congress & President Sparkle-Talk
The Colbert ReportS8

America's leaders speak the high school language of "angry glares at the dinner table," while Barack Obama talks like an eighth-grader.
06/04/2012
04:12

CDC Zombie Apocalypse Statement
The Colbert ReportS8

Zombie-like attacks suggest a growing urban trend, but America's top emergency doctors declare that zombies do not exist.
06/05/2012
06:50

Tip/Wag - Japanese Diet Goggles, U.S. Sperm Exports & Taxidermied Toys
The Colbert ReportS8

Japanese diet glasses reduce Oreo intake, America is the gold standard of sperm, and Dutch artist Bart Jansen converts his dead cat into a model helicopter.
06/05/2012
00:35

Intro - 6/5/12
The Colbert ReportS8

The U.S. reveals its latest export, traditional marriage faces assault, and Second Lady Dr. Jill Biden talks about her children's book.
06/05/2012
03:40

Self-Marriage Problems
The Colbert ReportS8

A North Dakota woman marries herself, and Stephen envisions all the societal pressure once self-marriage becomes the norm.
06/05/2012
00:06

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS8

Stephen says goodnight.
06/05/2012
05:33

Jill Biden
The Colbert ReportS8

Second Lady Jill Biden describes her passion for teaching, the resilience of military families, and her "Vice team" leadership.
06/05/2012
04:13

Wisconsin's Recall Results
The Colbert ReportS8

Governor Scott Walker wins the Wisconsin recall election, so Stephen celebrates the end of America's unions.
06/06/2012
03:57

Transit of Venus & Mars Reality Show Pitch
The Colbert ReportS8

Stephen's sun-gazing pays off, and the private sector offers Americans the chance to pick up and move to Mars.
06/06/2012
06:24

Neil Patrick Harris
The Colbert ReportS8

Actor Neil Patrick Harris discusses hosting the Tony Awards, performing on Broadway and playing a convincing straight guy on "How I Met Your Mother."
06/06/2012
00:59

Sign Off - Ray Bradbury Tribute
The Colbert ReportS8

Stephen pays a fireside tribute to sci-fi legend Ray Bradbury, author of "Fahrenheit 451" and "The Illustrated Man."
06/06/2012
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