The Colbert Report

Advice for Jennifer Anniston

Season 2 • 03/22/2006

Stephen offers Jennifer Aniston some tips on fitting in in her new Chicago neighborhood.

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00:26

Intro - 3/21/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Tonight: the early symptoms of mad cow disease, which include short term memory loss, and the early symptoms of mad cow disease, which include short term memory loss.
03/21/2006
03:12

The Word - Eat It
The Colbert ReportS2

Expensive tests for mad cow disease make corporations sick, and nothing tears Stephen up more than the thought of a sick corporation.
03/21/2006
05:52

Steve Kroft
The Colbert ReportS2

Does Morley Safer makes Steve Kroft run and get him cigarettes on the set of "60 Minutes"?
03/21/2006
02:09

The In-Box - Corrections
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen loves getting e-mail from viewers -- even corrections sound like love letters.
03/21/2006
04:39

Employee Performance Reviews
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen had scheduled employee performance reviews for after the show, but decides to go ahead and conduct them on-air.
03/21/2006
04:55

Dan Senor
The Colbert ReportS2

Former Coalition Provisional Authority spokesman Dan Senor is conservative on national security but liberal on neckties.
03/22/2006
00:09

Sign Off - Thank You, America
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen wants to thank America for watching -- not the viewers at home, but the government.
03/22/2006
07:09

Better Know a District - California's 27th - Brad Sherman
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen's interview with Representative Brad Sherman, whose district contains a large portion of the porn industry, is interrupted by a pizza delivery guy.
03/22/2006
05:35

The Word - I Am the Great and Powerful Oz
The Colbert ReportS2

By firing teachers who claimed to have credentials they didn't earn, Miami schools are sending their students the wrong message -- don't get caught.
03/22/2006
00:34

Intro - 3/22/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Tonight: Florida teachers take a break from having sex with their students, Stephen explores California's fightin' 27th and the Iraqis are really using their newly-built hospitals.
03/22/2006
01:23

Advice for Jennifer Anniston
The Colbert ReportS2

Jennifer Aniston is moving from Hollywood to Chicago, and Stephen has some advice for her: head to the Wiener's Circle at Clark and Wrightwood and get a francheesy.
03/22/2006
01:47

Sign Off - The Reason for the Hearth
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen knits a scarf for America by the fireside and offers a few words on the meaning of the hearth.
03/23/2006
03:58

Home, Hearth, Heart and Heartland - This Land Is Your Land
The Colbert ReportS2

American values are going right down the toilet -- and not one of those modern, low-flow, sissy toilets, either.
03/23/2006
00:28

Intro - 3/23/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Tonight: Stephen celebrates American values, teaches the White House Press Corps some manners and learns how John Kasich dares call himself Bill O'Reilly's replacement.
03/23/2006
03:38

Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Raise a Hero
The Colbert ReportS2

For parents who want to raise heroes, Stephen has sound advice: men, never cry in front of your kids; women, stay home and home-school the children.
03/23/2006
06:10

John Kasich
The Colbert ReportS2

John Kasich, host of "The Heartland with John Kasich" on FOX News, lists honesty, integrity, personal responsibility and humility among the best of America's traditional values.
03/23/2006
03:44

Miss Manners
The Colbert ReportS2

Stephen explains to Miss Manners, Judith Martin, how rudeness is acceptable once you get yourself a TV show.
03/23/2006
00:33

Intro - 3/27/06
The Colbert ReportS2

Time Magazine implies that the Iraq war isn't worth the cost. A Ferrari isn't worth the cost, but it gets you laid.
03/27/2006
01:05

Off the Market
The Colbert ReportS2

The demand for Stephen Colbert's Formula 401 has been overwhelming.
03/27/2006
01:10

Letter to the Judge
The Colbert ReportS2

If you do go to prison, punch somebody in the face the minute you get there -- that way all the other inmates will think you're loco.
03/27/2006
06:32

Gary Hart
The Colbert ReportS2

Gary Hart shows Stephen how to make an attack dog out of duct tape.
03/27/2006
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