The Colbert Report

The Word - Just Don't Do It

Season 5 • 06/04/2009

President Obama wants to replace abstinence-only sex education with condoms for toddlers.

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Interview
06:31

Eric Schlosser - "Food, Inc."
The Colbert ReportS5

Eric Schlosser, co-producer of the documentary film "Food, Inc.," talks about the link between the rise of factory farms in the U.S. and the heightened risk of foodborne illnesses.
06/03/2009
04:29

The Word - I Do, You Don't
The Colbert ReportS5

All marriages shouldn't be equal, but there should be so many separate kinds of marriage that the gays don't feel singled out.
06/03/2009
00:35

Intro - 6/3/09
The Colbert ReportS5

California allows some gay couples to stay married, and Obama invites Iran to celebrate 4th of July.
06/03/2009
04:47

Tip/Wag - 4th of July, Craig T. Nelson & GM
The Colbert ReportS5

Obama invites Iran to celebrate 4th of July, Craig T. Nelson stands up against big government, and GM fires its robots.
06/03/2009
00:22

Sign Off - "The Hollow Men"
The Colbert ReportS5

This is the way the show ends Not with a bang but a whimper.
06/03/2009
02:26

We Have a Death Star!
The Colbert ReportS5

Now that America has a Death Star, Stephen works on his telekinetic choking abilities.
06/03/2009
00:35

Intro - 6/4/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Wikipedia takes on the Church of Scientology, and the latest on abstinence-only education will be worth the wait.
06/04/2009
01:57

Wikipedia Bans Scientologists
The Colbert ReportS5

Wikipedia bans Scientologists after finding Tom Cruise's entry listing him as 5'10".
06/04/2009
05:51

Dag Soderberg
The Colbert ReportS5

Dag Soderberg takes the Bible out of the bookshop and onto the coffee table with "Bible Illuminated."
06/04/2009
02:10

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - External Lungs
The Colbert ReportS5

External lungs increase office productivity by allowing employees to send them outside for a smoke break.
06/04/2009
04:29

The Word - Just Don't Do It
The Colbert ReportS5

Teens, sex is as natural as the birds and the bees because you will be stung to death and have your eyes violently pecked out.
06/04/2009
04:04

Operation Iraqi Stephen - John McCain
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen is thrilled to bring his show to Iraq, and John McCain has a word of advice for the troops.
06/08/2009
04:26

Stephen Strong - Army of Me - Basic Training Pt. 1
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen doesn't get any special treatment when he participates in 10 full hours of basic training.
06/08/2009
00:24

Sign Off - New Haircut
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen offers thanks to the U.S.O. for helping him get to Iraq and to General Ray Odierno for his new haircut.
06/08/2009
02:45

Operation Iraqi Stephen - Mysterious Trip
The Colbert ReportS5

It's not a hoax after all -- Stephen mysteriously makes his way to Baghdad, Iraq.
06/08/2009
04:12

The Word - Why Are You Here?
The Colbert ReportS5

You will all want to remember where you were when you heard Stephen declare victory in Iraq.
06/08/2009
05:15

Obama Orders Stephen's Haircut - Ray Odierno
The Colbert ReportS5

Under direct orders from Commander-in-Chief Barack Obama, General Ray Odierno shaves Stephen's head.
06/08/2009
02:36

Operation Iraqi Stephen - S.H.
The Colbert ReportS5

The initials carved into the ceiling and pillars of the Water Palace shouldn't stand for Saddam Hussein anymore.
06/09/2009
05:29

Tareq Salha & Robin Balcom
The Colbert ReportS5

Specialist Tareq Salha and Sgt. Robin Balcom don't look anything like the soldiers from WWII movies.
06/09/2009
05:15

Stephen Strong - Army of Me - Basic Training Pt. 2
The Colbert ReportS5

As much as Stephen doesn't want to admit it, it's time for him to graduate from basic training.
06/09/2009
02:19

Operation Iraqi Stephen - Bill Clinton & AMP Energy
The Colbert ReportS5

Bill Clinton works tirelessly to find a cure for Stephen Colbert, and the back of Stephen's head sells ad space for AMP Energy.
06/09/2009
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