The Colbert Report

Battle of the Surfaces

Season 3 • 05/03/2007

Stephen is out to prove that he is the master of all surfaces.

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00:32

Intro - 5/2/07
The Colbert ReportS3

George Bush vetoes the Iraq funding bill, guest Gina Kolata says Americans are obsessed with losing weight, and captured terrorists: should they be sent abroad to be tortured?
05/02/2007
03:00

HR 1591
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Bill HR 1591 opposing the Iraq war was born May 1st, 2007 at 3:30 p.m. It died May 1st, 2007 at 6:10 p.m. Stephen is sorry for the Democrats' loss.
05/02/2007
05:35

Gina Kolata
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Gina Kolata what the one food is he can eat that will make him lose weight and make sure he never dies.
05/02/2007
07:01

Mike Gravel
The Colbert ReportS3

Senator Mike Gravel believes Spartans encouraged homosexuality because they fight harder for the people they love.
05/02/2007
04:02

The Word - Better Safe Than Sorry
The Colbert ReportS3

If your name sounds like a terrorist's name, Stephen urges you to prove you are not a terrorist by turning yourself in.
05/02/2007
00:10

Sign Off - Impatiens
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen has to get his inpatients in this weekend.
05/03/2007
06:20

Conn Iggulden
The Colbert ReportS3

Conn Iggulden tells Stephen why it's so important for boys to play dangerous games.
05/03/2007
00:28

Intro - 5/3/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Secularism is spreading through Europe, Stephen profiles Virginia's 11th District, and guest Conn Igguden talks about the importance of childhood games.
05/03/2007
06:08

Better Know a District - Virginia's 11th - Tom Davis
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Tom Davis if he'd be willing to be tagged and fitted with a radio collar as part of the Republicans' captive breeding program.
05/03/2007
03:55

The Word - The Unquisition
The Colbert ReportS3

Atheists have finally joined the game and they're selling it hard, including their own manifesto and de-baptisms.
05/03/2007
02:18

Battle of the Surfaces
The Colbert ReportS3

How would the Indianapolis Colts stack up against this weekend's Kentucky Derby winner? You cannot sack what you cannot catch.
05/03/2007
04:27

Cheating Death - Vaxadrin
The Colbert ReportS3

Vaxadrin is the only weight loss pill recommended by Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA.
05/07/2007
00:27

Intro - 5/7/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Democrats widen the definition of hate crime, Stephen introduces a new segment on health, and Richard Preston tells Stephen about people having sex in trees.
05/07/2007
03:34

The Word - The Intolerant
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen suggests a love crimes bill, which would prohibit intolerance of anyone who loves God so much that he cannot tolerate his fellow man.
05/07/2007
03:20

Republican Debate - Diversity
The Colbert ReportS3

Last week's Republican presidential debate featured all the big hitters in the big tent.
05/07/2007
02:06

Bonjour, Mon Frere
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen thinks he had something to do with the election of new French President Nicolas Sarkozy since he doesn't pronounce the "T" in his last name.
05/07/2007
06:01

Richard Preston
The Colbert ReportS3

Richard Preston tells Stephen about people who have sex in hammocks in giant tress.
05/07/2007
03:49

The Word - Rendered Moot
The Colbert ReportS3

Hillary Clinton's refusal to admit a mistake is her most presidential attribute.
05/08/2007
06:30

ThreatDown - Oprah
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Current threats include Oprah, publicists, Austrian animal rights activists, spiders and Knut, the abandoned polar bear.
05/08/2007
00:30

Intro - 5/8/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Tonight, Stephen reports on Hillary Clinton's repeal, details Oprah's presidential candidate pick and interviews author Nassim Nicholas Taleb.
05/08/2007
03:14

Shout Out! - USS Rhode Island
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen Colbert names the USS Rhode Island the official ballistic missile submarine of The Colbert Report.
05/08/2007
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