The Colbert Report

The Word - Rand Illusion

Season 5 • 03/11/2009

Stephen suggests starting a new nation made up of just the people who make society work.

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04:57

Jay Keasling
The Colbert ReportS5

Jay Keasling says the same yeast that we use to produce beer and bread will soon be fueling our cars and planes.
03/10/2009
06:46

Space Module: Colbert - William Gerstenmaier
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen asks William Gerstenmaier to commit to naming the space module "Colbert," if he wins the online vote.
03/10/2009
04:18

Conservative Rap Battle - Droppin' Science on Michael Steele
The Colbert ReportS5

Michael Steele may not have seen "8 Mile," but a key part of every rap battle is showing up to the rap battle.
03/10/2009
02:41

Coffee-Induced Hallucinations
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen should have never bought M. Night Shyamalan coffee.
03/10/2009
00:34

Intro - 3/10/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele is in trouble -- his punishment: being chairman of the Republican Party.
03/10/2009
00:12

Stephen's Encore
The Colbert ReportS5

If you clap for 23.5 hours straight, Stephen will come back for an encore.
03/11/2009
00:34

Intro - 3/11/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Republicans turn to a classic novel for inspiration -- 'It was the worst of times, it was the worster of times.'
03/11/2009
06:46

Howard Fineman
The Colbert ReportS5

Howard Fineman believes Americans were born and bred to argue.
03/11/2009
05:25

Cheating Death - Legal, Sweat & Pre-Natal Health
The Colbert ReportS5

For those who want custom babies, but can't afford designer prices, Prescott introduces the Build-A-Baby Workshop.
03/11/2009
01:01

Earmarks Abuse Ends Tomorrow
The Colbert ReportS5

Obama announces the end of earmarks abuse, and then signs an appropriations bill containing nearly 9,000 earmarks.
03/11/2009
06:06

The Word - Rand Illusion
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to live on an island with the CEOs, hedge fund managers, House Republicans and TV pundits.
03/11/2009
00:36

Intro - 3/12/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Guess where Stephen's face is showing up now -- besides your grilled cheese sandwiches.
03/12/2009
04:01

Mahmoud's Non-Consensual Endorsement Deal
The Colbert ReportS5

If Iran is going to use Stephen to sell products he hasn't endorsed over there, he'll use Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to sell products over here.
03/12/2009
02:06

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Barreleye Fish
The Colbert ReportS5

National Geographic releases footage of a fish that has a see-through head and twitching green sacks of goo for eyes.
03/12/2009
07:51

It Could Be Worse - Simon Johnson
The Colbert ReportS5

Simon Johnson explains why America's economy resembles an unstable, emerging market.
03/12/2009
00:05

Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for the Report tonight.
03/12/2009
05:15

Peter Singer
The Colbert ReportS5

Peter Singer urges Stephen to give money to poor people rather than enjoying it himself.
03/12/2009
02:26

Stephen's Angry Mob Will Crush AIG
The Colbert ReportS5

The government can't stop AIG, but Stephen's angry mob can.
03/16/2009
00:19

Stephen Wants to Hug You
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to hug every one of you.
03/16/2009
05:00

Better Know a Governor - Mark Sanford Update
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen asks South Carolina's Mark Sanford what barbeque sauce he wants for his last meal.
03/16/2009
05:31

Neil Gaiman
The Colbert ReportS5

Neil Gaiman replaces being scared of dead people with being afraid of living people in his new book "The Graveyard Book."
03/16/2009
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