The Colbert Report

DNA: Could It Happen To You? - Jackknife

Season 3 • 08/14/2007

Not every man gets applause for his seed.

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00:16

Sign Off - Toenails
The Colbert ReportS3

Don't forget to clip your toenails before you go to bed.
08/09/2007
03:00

The Word - White Guy
The Colbert ReportS3

With Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton presenting some serious competition, Stephen suggests that John Edwards declare himself a black woman.
08/13/2007
02:38

Rove Resigns
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen is having a few problems with prescription painkillers. He's hearing voices and having hallucinations like bats and the resignation of Karl Rove.
08/13/2007
07:04

Michael Jacobson
The Colbert ReportS3

Michael Jacobson stops by to seriously bum out Stephen about pepperoni pizza, Cheddar Combos and pretty much everything else that he loves to eat.
08/13/2007
00:19

Sign Off - Americone Dream
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen gives a quick plug for Americone Dream and says it's delicious with salt.
08/13/2007
05:49

ThreatDown - Bats
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen warns us about loose monkeys, bats that set off fire alarms, an androgynous panda bear and Karl Rove.
08/13/2007
00:15

Intro - 8/13/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tries to introduce the show but freaks out. He can't find his camera and he can't find his pills.
08/13/2007
01:20

DNA: Could It Happen To You? - Incrimination
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen discovers he is the next in a long line of famous people who have DNA.
08/14/2007
06:22

Jerry Miller
The Colbert ReportS3

DNA freed Jerry Miller after 26 years in prison. Stephen presents him with a card.
08/14/2007
05:27

Dr. Spencer Wells
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen's grandfather collected over 100,000 issues of National Geographic
08/14/2007
05:58

DNA: Could It Happen To You? - Jackknife
The Colbert ReportS3

When a tanker truck full of Formula 401 jackknifes, Stephen decides to learn more about DNA.
08/14/2007
03:35

The Word - Potential
The Colbert ReportS3

Alberto Gonzales could become a one-man justice system, like RoboCop.
08/15/2007
00:44

Sign Off - Doctor's Orders
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen thinks the e-collar his doctor instructed him to wear is totally unnecessary.
08/15/2007
01:45

Jewish Colbert Ancestry
The Colbert ReportS3

If Stephen's Jewish grandmother had testicles, she would be his Jewish grandfather.
08/15/2007
05:37

Michael Wallis
The Colbert ReportS3

Michael Wallis is the author of "The Lincoln Highway," which goes from San Francisco to Times Square. Stephen assumes it's for shuttling gay people to Broadway musicals.
08/15/2007
00:30

Intro - 8/15/07
The Colbert ReportS3

In tonight's episode, Stephen discusses driving with author Michael Wallis, and Alberto Gonzales gets the power to fast track executions.
08/15/2007
01:46

Monkey on the Lam - Oliver
The Colbert ReportS3

Beware! A monkey escaped from the Tupelo Zoo after he picked the lock to his cage again.
08/15/2007
05:51

Markos Moulitsas
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen catches Markos Moulitsas, founder of DailyKos.com, in a truly hateful position.
08/15/2007
05:17

Andrew Keen
The Colbert ReportS3

Andrew Keen, author of "The Cult of the Amateur," believes the Internet has replaced professionals with amateurs. It's certainly true of porn.
08/16/2007
00:31

Intro - 8/16/07
The Colbert ReportS3

In tonight's episode, Stephen sits down with author Andrew Keen and takes a look at the Iowa Straw Poll.
08/16/2007
06:48

Mike Huckabee
The Colbert ReportS3

Thanks to the Colbert Bump, Governor Mike Huckabee will be the next President of the United States.
08/16/2007
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