The Colbert Report

Intro - 5/5/09

Season 5 • 05/05/2009

The Supreme Court needs a new justice, and Stephen is just two days away from an online degree.

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03:22

Code Word - Empathy
The Colbert ReportS5

Clearly, Obama plans to appoint a drug-addled evolutionist with swine flu to the Supreme Court.
05/04/2009
03:47

The Prescott Group Bailout
The Colbert ReportS5

Help your old friends at the Prescott Group because if they go down, they're taking you with them.
05/04/2009
05:54

J.J. Abrams
The Colbert ReportS5

J.J. Abrams reveals clues to Stephen's Persian Gulf mystery before Romulan Stephen demands revenge.
05/04/2009
00:23

Sign Off - Colbert Nation Home
The Colbert ReportS5

Every great American's interactive adventure starts with colbertnation.com.
05/04/2009
05:56

Movies That Are Destroying America - Summer Movie Edition
The Colbert ReportS5

"Up" is a fantastic solution to our Social Security problem: we tie old people to balloons and let them fly away.
05/04/2009
00:19

Sign Off - iTeam
The Colbert ReportS5

Unless Apple has an application called iTeam, there's no "I" in team.
05/05/2009
05:43

Paul Rieckhoff
The Colbert ReportS5

Paul Rieckhoff wants to make sure returning veterans get education, employment and health care support.
05/05/2009
05:15

Picking a New Supreme Court Justice - Cliff Sloan
The Colbert ReportS5

Cliff Sloan estimates that the odds on the new Supreme Court justice being a white male are close to zero, even if that male is Stephen.
05/05/2009
01:50

Cinco de Mayo Precautions
The Colbert ReportS5

This year, Stephen celebrates Cinco de Mayo with a quarantined three-bean dip and a Hazmat-suited pinata filled with Tamiflu.
05/05/2009
05:57

The Word - Captain Kangaroo Court
The Colbert ReportS5

Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney should have to explain their nuanced rationale for torture to a jury of children.
05/05/2009
00:33

Intro - 5/5/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Who should be the new Supreme Court justice? Here's a hint: Stephen's two days away from an online degree.
05/05/2009
05:47

Laurie Garrett
The Colbert ReportS5

Laurie Garrett warns that the bird virus in Indonesia is 850 times as bad as the swine flu, though the piggies are right outside our door..
05/06/2009
04:48

Colbert-Branson Duel
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen challenges Richard Branson to a chicken fight with a couple of nude models on their backs.
05/06/2009
03:31

Tip/Wag - Forced Smoking & Grizzly Best Man
The Colbert ReportS5

The Gong'an county government in China orders its staff to smoke cigarettes, and a groom chooses a bear as his best man.
05/06/2009
04:47

Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Saudi Arabia
The Colbert ReportS5

Before his trip to the Persian Gulf, Stephen will pack clean underwear and swallow an Argentine shiraz-filled condom.
05/06/2009
00:38

Intro - 5/6/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama's approval numbers are at 67%, and public health expert Laurie Garrett is here to shed some light on the swine flu.
05/06/2009
00:20

Hug Your Television
The Colbert ReportS5

If you can't stand being apart from Stephen, pause the screen and hug your TV for 23 1/2 hours.
05/06/2009
00:34

Intro - 5/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

It's Bring Your Savior to Work Day, and Mitchell Joachim wants to build carbon-neutral cities.
05/07/2009
04:46

Clasp Your Hands Say Yahweh
The Colbert ReportS5

To compensate for President Obama's bad attitude, Stephen amps up his own National Day of Prayer prayer with his special Prayer Reportnalia and the Danciples.
05/07/2009
03:31

Smokin' Pole - The Fight for Arctic Riches: Inuit Nation
The Colbert ReportS5

Arctic nations rush to stake claims in polar territories, even though it clearly belongs to America -- Superman lives there.
05/07/2009
06:35

Mitchell Joachim
The Colbert ReportS5

Mitchell Joachim imagines soft cars and blimp bumper buses for cities in the future.
05/07/2009
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