The Colbert Report

Intro - 5/6/09

Season 5 • 05/06/2009

Where Stephen comes from, President Obama's approval numbers amount to a D+.

More

Watching

05:43

Paul Rieckhoff
The Colbert ReportS5

Paul Rieckhoff wants to make sure returning veterans get education, employment and health care support.
05/05/2009
05:15

Picking a New Supreme Court Justice - Cliff Sloan
The Colbert ReportS5

Cliff Sloan estimates that the odds on the new Supreme Court justice being a white male are close to zero, even if that male is Stephen.
05/05/2009
01:50

Cinco de Mayo Precautions
The Colbert ReportS5

This year, Stephen celebrates Cinco de Mayo with a quarantined three-bean dip and a Hazmat-suited pinata filled with Tamiflu.
05/05/2009
05:57

The Word - Captain Kangaroo Court
The Colbert ReportS5

Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney should have to explain their nuanced rationale for torture to a jury of children.
05/05/2009
00:33

Intro - 5/5/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Who should be the new Supreme Court justice? Here's a hint: Stephen's two days away from an online degree.
05/05/2009
05:47

Laurie Garrett
The Colbert ReportS5

Laurie Garrett warns that the bird virus in Indonesia is 850 times as bad as the swine flu, though the piggies are right outside our door..
05/06/2009
04:48

Colbert-Branson Duel
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen challenges Richard Branson to a chicken fight with a couple of nude models on their backs.
05/06/2009
03:31

Tip/Wag - Forced Smoking & Grizzly Best Man
The Colbert ReportS5

The Gong'an county government in China orders its staff to smoke cigarettes, and a groom chooses a bear as his best man.
05/06/2009
04:47

Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Saudi Arabia
The Colbert ReportS5

Before his trip to the Persian Gulf, Stephen will pack clean underwear and swallow an Argentine shiraz-filled condom.
05/06/2009
00:20

Hug Your Television
The Colbert ReportS5

If you can't stand being apart from Stephen, pause the screen and hug your TV for 23 1/2 hours.
05/06/2009
00:38

Intro - 5/6/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama's approval numbers are at 67%, and public health expert Laurie Garrett is here to shed some light on the swine flu.
05/06/2009
00:34

Intro - 5/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

It's Bring Your Savior to Work Day, and Mitchell Joachim wants to build carbon-neutral cities.
05/07/2009
04:46

Clasp Your Hands Say Yahweh
The Colbert ReportS5

To compensate for President Obama's bad attitude, Stephen amps up his own National Day of Prayer prayer with his special Prayer Reportnalia and the Danciples.
05/07/2009
03:31

Smokin' Pole - The Fight for Arctic Riches: Inuit Nation
The Colbert ReportS5

Arctic nations rush to stake claims in polar territories, even though it clearly belongs to America -- Superman lives there.
05/07/2009
06:35

Mitchell Joachim
The Colbert ReportS5

Mitchell Joachim imagines soft cars and blimp bumper buses for cities in the future.
05/07/2009
00:14

Spay and Neuter Your Pets
The Colbert ReportS5

Remember, have your pets spayed or neutered. Animal members of the Colbert Nation: run!
05/07/2009
04:02

Sean Hannity's Liberty Tree
The Colbert ReportS5

Thank you, Sean Hannity, for taking us to the Liberty Tree instead of going miles out of the way to the Making Sense Bush.
05/07/2009
00:15

Sign Off - Unicorn Dealership
The Colbert ReportS5

If you dream about Stephen tonight, he'll see you at the unicorn dealership.
05/11/2009
00:30

Intro - 5/11/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Congress cracks down on credit card companies, and Jeff Daniels' Broadway play sounds like a great video game.
05/11/2009
02:53

Alpha Dog of the Week - Erik Slye
The Colbert ReportS5

The case of the Montana Legal System v. Dog's Ball Wrinkles sets a legal precedent.
05/11/2009
03:22

Stephen's Fancy Feast
The Colbert ReportS5

When Stephen sends his assistant to get pate, she only brings back the fanciest of feasts.
05/11/2009
You may also like5 Videos
Trailer
01:49

"South Park: Snow Day!" Trailer
South Park

Join your favorite South Park characters as they fight for neighborhood dominance during a blizzard in "South Park: Snow Day!," available now.
03/26/2024
Trailer
00:28

Make the Most of a Day Off with "South Park: Snow Day!"
South ParkS26

Join Cartman and the neighborhood kids as they battle Stan, who has his own ideas about the rules of their fantasy game, in the "South Park: Snow Day!" video game, now available to preorder.
12/21/2023
Trailer
01:00

"Star Trek: very Short Treks" Has Lightyears of Laughs
Star Trek: very Short TreksS1

Relive the classic vibe of "Star Trek: The Animated Series," and join Riker, Spock and more Starfleet faces on the bite-sized journeys of "Star Trek: very Short Treks," now streaming.
11/22/2023
Trailer
01:00

Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack

A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
Trailer
01:41

This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Cursed Friends

Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022