The Colbert Report

Stephen Gives Up Catholicism for Lent

Season 7 • 03/09/2011

There's nothing to keep Stephen from masturbating after he gives up Catholicism for Lent.

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00:37

Sign Off - Welcome Zoe Simone Sanchez
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen is sure Zoe Simone Sanchez is wearing a limited edition Vera Wang onesie.
03/08/2011
06:03

Dan Sinker
The Colbert ReportS7

Dan Sinker questions the sanity of anyone who actually thought he was Rahm Emanuel on Twitter.
03/08/2011
02:13

Happy Mardi Gras & International Women's Day
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen celebrates women's regrettable self-exposure and their achievements on Mardi Gras Day.
03/08/2011
03:18

Charlie Sheen & Fake Rahm Emanuel on Twitter
The Colbert ReportS7

Charlie Sheen gets a new gig as Twitter overlord, and the fake Rahm Emanuel is unmasked.
03/08/2011
04:17

Light Bulb Ban
The Colbert ReportS7

The socket huggers claim that pigtail bulbs last up to 10 years, but they haven't considered how the efficient lights will affect the joke-telling industry.
03/08/2011
05:24

Bench Press - Anthony Weiner
The Colbert ReportS7

Anthony Weiner wants to ensure that the Supreme Court upholds a standard of ethics by asking Clarence Thomas to recuse himself from health care cases.
03/09/2011
00:26

Intro - 3/9/11
The Colbert ReportS7

Clarence Thomas may have a conflict of interest, and Stephen hopes David Brooks' book, "The Social Animal," is about a hamster on Facebook.
03/09/2011
05:40

David Brooks
The Colbert ReportS7

David Brooks describes the way unconscious emotions affect people's decisions and values.
03/09/2011
03:37

Bench Press
The Colbert ReportS7

If every Supreme Court justice had to recuse themselves over a conflict of interest, we would never see John Roberts' NASCAR robe.
03/09/2011
00:42

Sign Off - Jewish Stephen
The Colbert ReportS7

Now that Stephen is Jewish, he is legally obligated to tell you to call your mother.
03/09/2011
04:35

Stephen Gives Up Catholicism for Lent
The Colbert ReportS7

Giving up Catholicism for Lent shows Stephen's devotion to the great religion that he no longer practices.
03/09/2011
00:45

Sign Off - Enjoy the Moment
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen wants everyone to take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.
03/10/2011
02:16

Newt Gingrich Wants to Screw America
The Colbert ReportS7

Newt Gingrich only cheated on his wives because he's so passionate about America.
03/10/2011
01:29

Colbert PAC Ad
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen launches ColbertPAC.com with his very own high-budget promotional video.
03/10/2011
03:31

Peter King Understands Violent Radicalism
The Colbert ReportS7

Tennessee fights back against Sharia law, and Peter King holds a hearing to investigate radical American Muslims.
03/10/2011
06:16

Colbert PAC Ad
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen shows support for Tim Pawlenty's courage to stand next to Scott Walker with a patriotic message.
03/10/2011
00:31

Intro - 3/10/11
The Colbert ReportS7

Al Qaeda recruits Americans, and Reza Aslan will talk about the Islamic-American experience if he makes it past Stephen's security.
03/10/2011
06:36

Reza Aslan
The Colbert ReportS7

Reza Aslan thinks Peter King's hearings to investigate Muslim radicalization are a useless enterprise.
03/10/2011
00:32

Intro - 3/21/11
The Colbert ReportS7

The escalating conflict in Libya means good news for troops, Stephen's self-portrait goes up for auction, and Steve Martin does some bluegrass.
03/21/2011
07:39

Raging Art-On - Art 1
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen talks to Simon de Pury and checks out the competition at the Phillips de Pury Gallery.
03/21/2011
05:33

Crisis in the Middle Everywhere - Japan & Libya
The Colbert ReportS7

Japan suffers a massive earthquake, and America launches air strikes against Libya.
03/21/2011
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