Scissor Me Timbers
South Park
Season 11 E 6 • 04/11/2007

After going to Les Bos with her new friend Allison, Garrison learns the finer points of scissoring.

Watching

01:13

We All Get Exposed
South ParkS20 E6

Garrison makes one final appeal to the nation and urges them to vote against him on November 8.
10/26/2016
01:41

That's When You Get Member Berries
South ParkS20 E5

Randy tries to explain why the country is voting for a Giant Douche.
10/19/2016
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My Opponent IS a LIAR and Cannot Be Trusted
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At the first Presidential debate, Garrison speaks from the heart and tries to convince everyone to vote for his opponent.
09/28/2016
00:48

Canadian ABCs
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Mr. Garrison is forced to take a Canadian Language night class.
09/23/2015
01:50

Your Hero, Caitlyn Jenner
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09/23/2015
02:13

You're Not A Hobbit, Right?
South ParkS17 E10

Kanye tries to convince the class that his fiance is not a hobbit.
12/11/2013
01:16

HERE WE GO AGAIN!
South ParkS17 E3

Cartman continues to have nightmares in class, leading to another talk with Mr. Mackey and Tolkien.
10/09/2013
01:12

I'll Be M'kay
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Nightmares in class cause Cartman to have a sit down with Mr. Mackey.
10/09/2013
01:03

Class 5 Hoarder
South ParkS14 E10

The hoarding specialists discuss how to tackle Stan and Mackey's illness.
10/20/2010
00:50

We're On Our Own
South ParkS14 E9

When Japan refuses to help, Randy suggests drastic measures.
10/13/2010
01:23

NO Jersey
South ParkS14 E9

The citizens of South Park make a final stand against New Jersey.
10/13/2010
01:23

The Jersey Problem
South ParkS14 E9

The town discusses the impending Jersey threat and Sheila comes forward with a confession.
10/13/2010
02:20

Profile Stan Marsh
South ParkS14 E4

Stan's profile holds a huge chat party.
04/07/2010
02:39

Nice Lady with the Handkerchief Test
South ParkS14 E1

The 4th graders all get tested for sexual addiction.
03/17/2010
00:52

They Took 'er Economy
South ParkS13 E3

The people of South Park talk about the dark economic times.
03/25/2009
01:57

I Just Love Happy Endings
South ParkS12 E12

Obama decides to hang it up, and give this President thing a try.
11/05/2008
01:11

No Room In The Ark
South ParkS12 E12

McCain supporters seek refuge in Mr. Stotch's bunker.
11/05/2008
01:19

Game Over Man, Mkay
South ParkS12 E12

While Obama fans celebrate change, McCain supporters mope in disappointment.
11/05/2008
01:28

Almost Time
South ParkS12 E9

With only minutes left in the school day, Cartman needs a way out.
10/15/2008
01:10

Wendy To the Principal's Office, Please
South ParkS12 E9

Cartman gives his own report on breast cancer awareness.
10/15/2008
00:46

Bad Historical Acting
South ParkS12 E7

Murderin' Murphy is released from the Pioneer Village jailhouse.
04/23/2008
01:39

The Burger King Bandits
South ParkS12 E7

The police surround Pioneer Village and the Bandits are forced to take the fourth grade class hostage.
04/23/2008
00:21

Boys, Have You Seen My Penis
South ParkS12 E5

Garrison is looking everywhere for his escaped penis.
04/09/2008
01:00

You're Not My Penis
South ParkS12 E5

Garrison's penis rampages all over South Park, terrifying the local women.
04/09/2008
02:48

Tourette's Children
South ParkS11 E8

Mr. Donaldson comes to school to promote Tourette's understanding. Kyle has to meet some children with Tourette's, where he learns how sad it really is.
10/03/2007
01:45

Coffee and Secrets
South ParkS11 E6

Garrison makes coffee as the Mexican spies return with Xerxes' secret. Xerxes demands to speak with Garrison alone.
04/11/2007
00:51

Rauf Xerxes
South ParkS11 E6

The Persian boss, Rauf Xerxes, shows up and decides that he will deal with the lesbians himself.
04/11/2007
01:48

The Battle
South ParkS11 E6

The Persians show up to redecorate the bar, a battle ensues when the lesbians refuse to let them in.
04/11/2007
01:05

Weekend Homework
South ParkS11 E6

Garrison takes her frustration with men out on the class by assigning an essay on "The Old Man and the Sea."
04/11/2007
02:37

Take a Stand
South ParkS11 E6

The Persians try to make peace with the Les Bos regulars. Garrison doesn't accept and decides it's time to take a stand.
04/11/2007
02:02

Scissor Me Timbers
South ParkS11 E6

After going to Les Bos with her new friend Allison, Garrison learns the finer points of scissoring.
04/11/2007
01:57

School Evacuated
South ParkS11 E4

The school is evacuated and Cartman tries to get in contact with the president.
03/28/2007
00:48

A Sock and a Bar of Soap
South ParkS11 E3

Cartman shows up at Clyde's door armed with a sock and a bar of soap. Kenny's been found out, and it's time for him to pay.
03/21/2007
01:06

Cartman Shows Picture
South ParkS11 E2

Cartman shows the incriminating picture to the entire class, just before getting a message from his mom saying she found the original.
03/14/2007
01:00

Show and Tell
South ParkS11 E2

Cartman starts show and tell with a few of his favorite artsy photographs.
03/14/2007
01:30

Atheists Plan To Go To War
South ParkS10 E13

Three warring factions of atheists plot against one another based on science, Richard Dawkins and Garrison.
11/08/2006
02:27

Sex Change Operation?
South ParkS10 E13

Cartman tells Richard Dawkins' about Garrison's sex change, thus restoring order to the future.
11/08/2006
01:33

Sweet Monkey Love
South ParkS10 E12

Mrs. Garrison goes on a date with Richard Dawkins. He teaches her about atheists, evolution, and eventually, hot monkey sex.
11/01/2006
00:54

Mr. Venezuela
South ParkS10 E9

A possible urinal culprit has been caught.
10/11/2006
01:14

Dookie in the Urinal
South ParkS10 E9

Somebody went #2 in the urinal and Mr. Mackey wants answers.
10/11/2006
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