The Colbert Report

If at First You Don't Secede

Season 7 • 05/12/2011

Incandescent bulbs will be clearly branded and must stay in South Carolina.

More

Watching

00:08

Sign Off - Press Hat
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen reports with his press hat and camera.
05/11/2011
04:40

Corp Constituency - Trevor Potter
The Colbert ReportS7

Trevor Potter drafts a letter for a media exemption so Stephen can talk about his super PAC.
05/11/2011
00:34

Intro - 5/11/11
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen reports on political contributions from the Old Spice Campaign Integrity Zone, and Eric Greitens talks about being a Navy SEAL.
05/11/2011
04:19

Corp Constituency
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen wants to know why Viacom won't let him talk about his Super PAC when Karl Rove and Dick Morris can do it on Fox News.
05/11/2011
03:03

Obama's Latino Panderfest
The Colbert ReportS7

President Obama's idea to secure the border with an alligator-filled moat sounds familiar and brilliant to Stephen.
05/12/2011
05:24

John Bradshaw
The Colbert ReportS7

John Bradshaw discusses the new science of understanding that dogs really want to be with people.
05/12/2011
02:50

Terror, a New One
The Colbert ReportS7

Al Qaeda should replace Osama bin Laden with hot new Internet sensation, Anwar al-Awlaki.
05/12/2011
00:46

Sign Off - Stephen's Super PAC Needs Support
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen will be at the Federal Election Commission offices filing for an advisory opinion on his super PAC.
05/12/2011
00:33

Intro - 5/12/11
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen looks at what's next for Al Qaeda, warns of a new government intrusion and talks to John Bradshaw about dog behavior.
05/12/2011
04:06

Terror, a New One - Lawrence Wright
The Colbert ReportS7

Lawrence Wright explains what it takes to be the leader of Al Qaeda and thinks there's no benefit to showing the Bin Laden photos.
05/12/2011
03:09

If at First You Don't Secede
The Colbert ReportS7

Should any incandescent bulbs escape South Carolina into neighboring states, they must be returned immediately, as specified in the Fugitive Bulb Act.
05/12/2011
05:08

Alison Klayman
The Colbert ReportS7

Alison Klayman explains the Chinese government's possible reasons for beating and imprisoning artist Ai Weiwei.
05/16/2011
07:24

Stephen Files Super PAC Request
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen addresses 500 white people on the steps of the FEC after dropping off his legal request to form a super PAC.
05/16/2011
01:54

Fig Newton Gingrich 2012
The Colbert ReportS7

Newt Gingrich knows how to court corporate donors with his subtle fundraising technique.
05/16/2011
06:21

Mike Huckabee & Donald Trump Drop Out
The Colbert ReportS7

Mike Huckabee jams on "Cat Scratch Fever" with Ted Nugent before announcing that he will not seek the Republican nomination.
05/16/2011
00:06

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen says goodnight.
05/16/2011
05:05

Arnold Schwarzenegger's Sex Scandal
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen has more important things to talk about than Arnold Schwarzenegger's illegitimate child, like oil subsidies.
05/17/2011
00:06

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS7

That's it for The Report.
05/17/2011
06:55

The Word - Enhanced Rejustification
The Colbert ReportS7

The "I want to be able to look my children in the eye" crowd refuses to admit that torture is the real hero behind Bin Laden's death.
05/17/2011
00:36

Intro - 5/17/11
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen looks at tax breaks for oil companies and talks to Amy Kremer, dressed as a great American patriot.
05/17/2011
06:43

Amy Kremer
The Colbert ReportS7

Stephen asks Amy Kremer if she'd raise taxes to save 8 million lives from a ticking nuclear bomb.
05/17/2011
You may also like5 Videos
Trailer
01:49

"South Park: Snow Day!" Trailer
South Park

Join your favorite South Park characters as they fight for neighborhood dominance during a blizzard in "South Park: Snow Day!," available now.
03/26/2024
Trailer
00:28

Make the Most of a Day Off with "South Park: Snow Day!"
South ParkS26

Join Cartman and the neighborhood kids as they battle Stan, who has his own ideas about the rules of their fantasy game, in the "South Park: Snow Day!" video game, now available to preorder.
12/21/2023
Trailer
01:00

"Star Trek: very Short Treks" Has Lightyears of Laughs
Star Trek: very Short TreksS1

Relive the classic vibe of "Star Trek: The Animated Series," and join Riker, Spock and more Starfleet faces on the bite-sized journeys of "Star Trek: very Short Treks," now streaming.
11/22/2023
Trailer
01:00

Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack

A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
Trailer
01:41

This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Cursed Friends

Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022