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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
John Darnielle
Season 5 • 10/06/2009
John Darnielle thinks mountain goats are the coolest animals because of their suicidal pride.
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Watching
08:03
2016 Olympics in Chicago - George Wendt
The Colbert Report
S5
George Wendt and Stephen trash talk Rio de Janeiro, Madrid and Tokyo for competing against Chicago's 2016 Olympics bid.
10/01/2009
06:30
Arne Duncan
The Colbert Report
S5
Secretary of Education Arne Duncan wants longer school hours so American students can compete with the rest of the world.
10/05/2009
04:42
Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 2
The Colbert Report
S5
Brad Sciullo's training regime of drinking, vomiting and trout prepares him to conquer "The Belly Buster."
10/05/2009
00:03
Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for The Report.
10/05/2009
01:25
Americans for Prosperity Cheer Chicago's Failure
The Colbert Report
S5
The conservative group, Americans for Prosperity, cheers when they hear the news of Chicago's failure to host the 2016 Olympics.
10/05/2009
00:34
Intro - 10/5/09
The Colbert Report
S5
President Obama proposes a longer school year, and Arne Duncan could only get a job as a secretary.
10/05/2009
05:46
The Word - Learning Is Fundamental
The Colbert Report
S5
As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
10/05/2009
04:32
Formula 401: A Star Is Born
The Colbert Report
S5
Your baby can look like whichever celebrity Stephen impersonates while creating Formula 401: A Star Is Born.
10/06/2009
01:09
New Swine Flu Vaccine Drops
The Colbert Report
S5
The swine flu vaccine shoots straight to the top of the vaccine charts, blowing away Japanese encephalitis.
10/06/2009
07:10
The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara Logan
The Colbert Report
S5
As President Obama decides how to move forward in Afghanistan, Lara Logan explains the goals of Al Qaeda and the Taliban.
10/06/2009
03:28
John Darnielle
The Colbert Report
S5
John Darnielle discusses his cheerfully desolate song lyrics and his respect for suicidal mountain goats.
10/06/2009
03:37
Human Sacrifice Channel
The Colbert Report
S5
What kind of cable package does Samuel Alito have that he can watch the Human Sacrifice Channel, and why can't Stephen get it?
10/07/2009
00:38
Intro - 10/7/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Doctors invent a radical new surgery, and Alison Gopnik says babies can help us understand deep philosophical questions.
10/07/2009
02:31
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Eye Tooth
The Colbert Report
S5
Doctors enable a blind woman to see again by jamming her own tooth into her eye.
10/07/2009
00:38
Sign Off - Jasper T. Jowls
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen accidentally lapses into his old routine as the voice of an animatronic banjo dog at Chuck E. Cheese's.
10/07/2009
05:45
Tip/Wag - Conservapedia, Louvre & Honda Unicycle
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen wants to be a biblical figure on Conservapedia, the Louvre announces its plans to install a McDonald's, and Honda introduces a unicycle of the future.
10/07/2009
06:40
Alison Gopnik
The Colbert Report
S5
Alison Gopnik says babies are already as smart as they can be and have incredibly powerful ways of learning about the world.
10/07/2009
02:52
Kevin the Iranian Intern
The Colbert Report
S5
An Iranian nuclear scientist defects to the U.S., and Stephen introduces his new intern, Kevin.
10/08/2009
04:04
Sport Report - Rush Limbaugh & Ted Williams' Frozen Head
The Colbert Report
S5
Rush Limbaugh makes a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, and cryogenics employees play baseball with Ted Williams' frozen head.
10/08/2009
04:34
Colin Beavan
The Colbert Report
S5
Colin Beavan spent a year making no environmental impact in the hope of finding a way to live that's better for the planet.
10/08/2009
06:58
Bend It Like Beck
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen understands what Glenn Beck is going through when the media doubts his sincerity.
10/08/2009
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