The Colbert Report

John Darnielle

Season 5 • 10/06/2009

John Darnielle thinks mountain goats are the coolest animals because of their suicidal pride.

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08:03

2016 Olympics in Chicago - George Wendt
The Colbert ReportS5

George Wendt and Stephen trash talk Rio de Janeiro, Madrid and Tokyo for competing against Chicago's 2016 Olympics bid.
10/01/2009
06:30

Arne Duncan
The Colbert ReportS5

Secretary of Education Arne Duncan wants longer school hours so American students can compete with the rest of the world.
10/05/2009
04:42

Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 2
The Colbert ReportS5

Brad Sciullo's training regime of drinking, vomiting and trout prepares him to conquer "The Belly Buster."
10/05/2009
00:03

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report.
10/05/2009
01:25

Americans for Prosperity Cheer Chicago's Failure
The Colbert ReportS5

The conservative group, Americans for Prosperity, cheers when they hear the news of Chicago's failure to host the 2016 Olympics.
10/05/2009
00:34

Intro - 10/5/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama proposes a longer school year, and Arne Duncan could only get a job as a secretary.
10/05/2009
05:46

The Word - Learning Is Fundamental
The Colbert ReportS5

As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
10/05/2009
04:32

Formula 401: A Star Is Born
The Colbert ReportS5

Your baby can look like whichever celebrity Stephen impersonates while creating Formula 401: A Star Is Born.
10/06/2009
01:09

New Swine Flu Vaccine Drops
The Colbert ReportS5

The swine flu vaccine shoots straight to the top of the vaccine charts, blowing away Japanese encephalitis.
10/06/2009
07:10

The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara Logan
The Colbert ReportS5

As President Obama decides how to move forward in Afghanistan, Lara Logan explains the goals of Al Qaeda and the Taliban.
10/06/2009
03:28

John Darnielle
The Colbert ReportS5

John Darnielle discusses his cheerfully desolate song lyrics and his respect for suicidal mountain goats.
10/06/2009
03:37

Human Sacrifice Channel
The Colbert ReportS5

What kind of cable package does Samuel Alito have that he can watch the Human Sacrifice Channel, and why can't Stephen get it?
10/07/2009
00:38

Intro - 10/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Doctors invent a radical new surgery, and Alison Gopnik says babies can help us understand deep philosophical questions.
10/07/2009
02:31

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Eye Tooth
The Colbert ReportS5

Doctors enable a blind woman to see again by jamming her own tooth into her eye.
10/07/2009
00:38

Sign Off - Jasper T. Jowls
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen accidentally lapses into his old routine as the voice of an animatronic banjo dog at Chuck E. Cheese's.
10/07/2009
05:45

Tip/Wag - Conservapedia, Louvre & Honda Unicycle
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to be a biblical figure on Conservapedia, the Louvre announces its plans to install a McDonald's, and Honda introduces a unicycle of the future.
10/07/2009
06:40

Alison Gopnik
The Colbert ReportS5

Alison Gopnik says babies are already as smart as they can be and have incredibly powerful ways of learning about the world.
10/07/2009
02:52

Kevin the Iranian Intern
The Colbert ReportS5

An Iranian nuclear scientist defects to the U.S., and Stephen introduces his new intern, Kevin.
10/08/2009
04:04

Sport Report - Rush Limbaugh & Ted Williams' Frozen Head
The Colbert ReportS5

Rush Limbaugh makes a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, and cryogenics employees play baseball with Ted Williams' frozen head.
10/08/2009
04:34

Colin Beavan
The Colbert ReportS5

Colin Beavan spent a year making no environmental impact in the hope of finding a way to live that's better for the planet.
10/08/2009
06:58

Bend It Like Beck
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen understands what Glenn Beck is going through when the media doubts his sincerity.
10/08/2009
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