The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 10/07/2009
Alison Gopnik theorizes that babies are smarter and more moral than we ever thought.
The Word - Learning Is FundamentalThe Colbert ReportS5
As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
John DarnielleThe Colbert ReportS5
John Darnielle discusses his cheerfully desolate song lyrics and his respect for suicidal mountain goats.
Formula 401: A Star Is BornThe Colbert ReportS5
Your baby can look like whichever celebrity Stephen impersonates while creating Formula 401: A Star Is Born.
New Swine Flu Vaccine DropsThe Colbert ReportS5
The swine flu vaccine shoots straight to the top of the vaccine charts, blowing away Japanese encephalitis.
The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara LoganThe Colbert ReportS5
As President Obama decides how to move forward in Afghanistan, Lara Logan explains the goals of Al Qaeda and the Taliban.
Human Sacrifice ChannelThe Colbert ReportS5
What kind of cable package does Samuel Alito have that he can watch the Human Sacrifice Channel, and why can't Stephen get it?
Intro - 10/7/09The Colbert ReportS5
Doctors invent a radical new surgery, and Alison Gopnik says babies can help us understand deep philosophical questions.
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Eye ToothThe Colbert ReportS5
Doctors enable a blind woman to see again by jamming her own tooth into her eye.
Sign Off - Jasper T. JowlsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen accidentally lapses into his old routine as the voice of an animatronic banjo dog at Chuck E. Cheese's.
Tip/Wag - Conservapedia, Louvre & Honda UnicycleThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wants to be a biblical figure on Conservapedia, the Louvre announces its plans to install a McDonald's, and Honda introduces a unicycle of the future.
Alison GopnikThe Colbert ReportS5
Alison Gopnik says babies are already as smart as they can be and have incredibly powerful ways of learning about the world.
Kevin the Iranian InternThe Colbert ReportS5
An Iranian nuclear scientist defects to the U.S., and Stephen introduces his new intern, Kevin.
Sport Report - Rush Limbaugh & Ted Williams' Frozen HeadThe Colbert ReportS5
Rush Limbaugh makes a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, and cryogenics employees play baseball with Ted Williams' frozen head.
Colin BeavanThe Colbert ReportS5
Colin Beavan spent a year making no environmental impact in the hope of finding a way to live that's better for the planet.
Bend It Like BeckThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen understands what Glenn Beck is going through when the media doubts his sincerity.
Intro - 10/8/09The Colbert ReportS5
The media attacks Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh may buy a football team, and Colin Beavan makes no environmental impact.
Sign Off - Buddy SystemThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wants you to pair up until he sees you again in 72 hours.
Happy Columbus DayThe Colbert ReportS5
In exchange for spices from the West Indies, Christopher Columbus gave the natives discount mattresses and smallpox.
Fallback Position - James BlakeThe Colbert ReportS5
James Blake overcomes Stephen's total lack of athletic ability to transform him into a tennis champion.
War of Peace - Shashi TharoorThe Colbert ReportS5
Shashi Tharoor believes President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for giving hope to people around the world.
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