The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 10/07/2009
Alison Gopnik theorizes that babies are smarter and more moral than we ever thought.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Learning Is Fundamental
As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
The Colbert ReportS5 John Darnielle
John Darnielle discusses his cheerfully desolate song lyrics and his respect for suicidal mountain goats.
The Colbert ReportS5 Formula 401: A Star Is Born
Your baby can look like whichever celebrity Stephen impersonates while creating Formula 401: A Star Is Born.
The Colbert ReportS5 New Swine Flu Vaccine Drops
The swine flu vaccine shoots straight to the top of the vaccine charts, blowing away Japanese encephalitis.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara Logan
As President Obama decides how to move forward in Afghanistan, Lara Logan explains the goals of Al Qaeda and the Taliban.
The Colbert ReportS5 Human Sacrifice Channel
What kind of cable package does Samuel Alito have that he can watch the Human Sacrifice Channel, and why can't Stephen get it?
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 10/7/09
Doctors invent a radical new surgery, and Alison Gopnik says babies can help us understand deep philosophical questions.
The Colbert ReportS5 Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Eye Tooth
Doctors enable a blind woman to see again by jamming her own tooth into her eye.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Jasper T. Jowls
Stephen accidentally lapses into his old routine as the voice of an animatronic banjo dog at Chuck E. Cheese's.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tip/Wag - Conservapedia, Louvre & Honda Unicycle
Stephen wants to be a biblical figure on Conservapedia, the Louvre announces its plans to install a McDonald's, and Honda introduces a unicycle of the future.
The Colbert ReportS5 Alison Gopnik
Alison Gopnik says babies are already as smart as they can be and have incredibly powerful ways of learning about the world.
The Colbert ReportS5 Kevin the Iranian Intern
An Iranian nuclear scientist defects to the U.S., and Stephen introduces his new intern, Kevin.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sport Report - Rush Limbaugh & Ted Williams' Frozen Head
Rush Limbaugh makes a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, and cryogenics employees play baseball with Ted Williams' frozen head.
The Colbert ReportS5 Colin Beavan
Colin Beavan spent a year making no environmental impact in the hope of finding a way to live that's better for the planet.
The Colbert ReportS5 Bend It Like Beck
Stephen understands what Glenn Beck is going through when the media doubts his sincerity.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 10/8/09
The media attacks Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh may buy a football team, and Colin Beavan makes no environmental impact.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Buddy System
Stephen wants you to pair up until he sees you again in 72 hours.
The Colbert ReportS5 Happy Columbus Day
In exchange for spices from the West Indies, Christopher Columbus gave the natives discount mattresses and smallpox.
The Colbert ReportS5 Fallback Position - James Blake
James Blake overcomes Stephen's total lack of athletic ability to transform him into a tennis champion.
The Colbert ReportS5 War of Peace - Shashi Tharoor
Shashi Tharoor believes President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for giving hope to people around the world.
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