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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Alison Gopnik
Season 5 • 10/07/2009
Alison Gopnik theorizes that babies are smarter and more moral than we ever thought.
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Watching
05:46
The Word - Learning Is Fundamental
The Colbert Report
S5
As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
10/05/2009
03:28
John Darnielle
The Colbert Report
S5
John Darnielle discusses his cheerfully desolate song lyrics and his respect for suicidal mountain goats.
10/06/2009
04:32
Formula 401: A Star Is Born
The Colbert Report
S5
Your baby can look like whichever celebrity Stephen impersonates while creating Formula 401: A Star Is Born.
10/06/2009
01:09
New Swine Flu Vaccine Drops
The Colbert Report
S5
The swine flu vaccine shoots straight to the top of the vaccine charts, blowing away Japanese encephalitis.
10/06/2009
07:10
The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara Logan
The Colbert Report
S5
As President Obama decides how to move forward in Afghanistan, Lara Logan explains the goals of Al Qaeda and the Taliban.
10/06/2009
03:37
Human Sacrifice Channel
The Colbert Report
S5
What kind of cable package does Samuel Alito have that he can watch the Human Sacrifice Channel, and why can't Stephen get it?
10/07/2009
00:38
Intro - 10/7/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Doctors invent a radical new surgery, and Alison Gopnik says babies can help us understand deep philosophical questions.
10/07/2009
02:31
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Eye Tooth
The Colbert Report
S5
Doctors enable a blind woman to see again by jamming her own tooth into her eye.
10/07/2009
00:38
Sign Off - Jasper T. Jowls
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen accidentally lapses into his old routine as the voice of an animatronic banjo dog at Chuck E. Cheese's.
10/07/2009
05:45
Tip/Wag - Conservapedia, Louvre & Honda Unicycle
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen wants to be a biblical figure on Conservapedia, the Louvre announces its plans to install a McDonald's, and Honda introduces a unicycle of the future.
10/07/2009
06:40
Alison Gopnik
The Colbert Report
S5
Alison Gopnik says babies are already as smart as they can be and have incredibly powerful ways of learning about the world.
10/07/2009
02:52
Kevin the Iranian Intern
The Colbert Report
S5
An Iranian nuclear scientist defects to the U.S., and Stephen introduces his new intern, Kevin.
10/08/2009
04:04
Sport Report - Rush Limbaugh & Ted Williams' Frozen Head
The Colbert Report
S5
Rush Limbaugh makes a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, and cryogenics employees play baseball with Ted Williams' frozen head.
10/08/2009
04:34
Colin Beavan
The Colbert Report
S5
Colin Beavan spent a year making no environmental impact in the hope of finding a way to live that's better for the planet.
10/08/2009
06:58
Bend It Like Beck
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen understands what Glenn Beck is going through when the media doubts his sincerity.
10/08/2009
00:35
Intro - 10/8/09
The Colbert Report
S5
The media attacks Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh may buy a football team, and Colin Beavan makes no environmental impact.
10/08/2009
00:15
Sign Off - Buddy System
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen wants you to pair up until he sees you again in 72 hours.
10/08/2009
00:34
Happy Columbus Day
The Colbert Report
S5
In exchange for spices from the West Indies, Christopher Columbus gave the natives discount mattresses and smallpox.
10/12/2009
05:59
Fallback Position - James Blake
The Colbert Report
S5
James Blake overcomes Stephen's total lack of athletic ability to transform him into a tennis champion.
10/12/2009
07:17
War of Peace - Shashi Tharoor
The Colbert Report
S5
Shashi Tharoor believes President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for giving hope to people around the world.
10/12/2009
00:18
Sign Off - Thanks to the Guests
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen thanks Shashi Tharoor, James Blake and Sanjay Gupta for being his guests.
10/12/2009
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