The Colbert Report
Sign Off - The Pitcher in the Oat
Season 5 • 07/14/2009
Stephen reads "The Pitcher in the Oat," by J.D. Stephenger.
VA Backlog - Paul RieckhoffThe Colbert ReportS5
If Stephen gets 25,000 votes, Paul Rieckhoff will make him an honorary member of the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America.
Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Bork a NomineeThe Colbert ReportS5
If Republicans want to stop Sonia Sotomayor's nomination, they must accuse her of bigotry, uncover her secrets and make her weigh in on abortion.
Remembering Remembering Michael JacksonThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen remembers the fine coverage of Michael Jackson's death, like his one-hour interview with Michael Tackson.
Intro - 7/13/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Sotomayor confirmation hearings begin, and New York Times columnist Paul Krugman knows a lot about money.
Intro - 7/14/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen suggests looking for change in the folds of Barney Frank, and asks Leymah Gbowee where Liberia is.
Leymah GboweeThe Colbert ReportS5
Leymah Gbowee organized a sex strike among women until the Liberian civil war ended.
The Word - Guns, Credit, and CornThe Colbert ReportS5
The American government can use the defense budget to pay for health care and just turn sick people into a weapons program.
Senator Wences Questions Sonia SotomayorThe Colbert ReportS5
Senator Wences asks Sonia Sotomayor the tough questions while still maintaining cultural sensitivity.
Raise High the Rage BeamsThe Colbert ReportS5
If J.D. Salinger doesn't come on the show, Stephen will publish his prequel, "The Pitcher in the Oat," under the pseudonym J.D. Stephenger.
Sign Off - The Pitcher in the OatThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen reads his J.D. Salinger tribute prequel, written under the pseudonym, J.D. Stephenger.
Difference Makers - Doug JacksonThe Colbert ReportS5
Thanks to State Senator Doug Jackson, it's now legal to carry a concealed weapon into a bar in Tennessee.
Douglas RushkoffThe Colbert ReportS5
Douglas Rushkoff discusses the downfalls of operating the world like a corporation and how to weaken corporate influence.
Tip/Wag - Assassination Squads, Biblical History & Gay PenguinsThe Colbert ReportS5
The CIA shuts down its assassination program, Texas wants Christianity taught in history, and two male penguins end their relationship.
Stephen Wants to Be the Worst Person in the WorldThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen tries to make it onto Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person in the World" list by slapping a baby with a puppy.
Intro - 7/15/09The Colbert ReportS5
There's bad news for people with target-shaped birthmarks, and Douglas Rushkoff lets Jews and Freemasons off the hook.
Sign Off - No Man Is a FailureThe Colbert ReportS5
No man is a failure who has friends, unless his friends are failures.
The Word - Neutral Man's BurdenThe Colbert ReportS5
Sonia Sotomayor's personal background should be neutralized the way Band-Aids were when they reached out to minorities.
Intro - 7/16/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is emotionally dead inside, and Ed Andrews should write about teen vampires if he wants to get out of debt.
The Memy AwardsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen announces the nominees for the Memy Awards' one and only category: Outstanding Individual.
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