The Colbert Report
Drone Ducking Tips
Season 9 • 02/26/2013
Al Qaeda makes a tip sheet on how to avoid drones, which includes planting and hiding under trees.
Popewatch 2013 - Vatican Sex PartiesThe Colbert ReportS9
Media jackals take advantage of Pope Benedict's exit by spreading rumors about a secret network of gay priests and male prostitutes.
Simon GarfieldThe Colbert ReportS9
Simon Garfield talks about Christopher Columbus' map fiasco and the biggest badass in the history of mapmaking, Claudius Ptolemy.
The Word - Silent but DeadlyThe Colbert ReportS9
President Obama wants the Centers for Disease Control to study guns again, so America faces its old enemy from the 90s: any actual knowledge about guns.
Intro - 2/25/13The Colbert ReportS9
The Vatican sorts out a scandal, America reduces its number of guns, and Simon Garfield discusses his book about world maps.
Michio KakuThe Colbert ReportS9
"Physics of the Future" author Michio Kaku talks about the Apophis asteroid, set to skim by Earth in 2029 and possibly hit in 2036.
Popewatch Indeschism 2013 - One Pope over the LineThe Colbert ReportS9
After he retires, Pope Benedict XVI will answer to "pope emeritus," wear white papal robes and live in the Vatican alongside the new pope.
Battleground Texas - Jeremy BirdThe Colbert ReportS9
Jeremy Bird describes his Texas initiative to get African Americans, Hispanics, women and young people out to the polls.
Intro - 2/26/13The Colbert ReportS9
Texas endures big changes, America's drone program alters the war on terror, and physicist Michio Kaku believes an asteroid could destroy the planet.
Drone Ducking TipsThe Colbert ReportS9
The Obama administration continues its extrajudicial robo-assassin spree, so Al Qaeda circulates pointers on how to dodge drone strikes.
John Kerry's Dumb TalkThe Colbert ReportS9
Secretary of State John Kerry travels to nine nations, champions free speech and invents the country "Kyrzakhstan," a mix between Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan.
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's Trial at Gitmo - Neal KatyalThe Colbert ReportS9
The former Acting Solicitor General talks about the U.S. justice system, courtroom bugging and the future of Guantanamo Bay.
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's Trial at GitmoThe Colbert ReportS9
Guantanamo Bay hosts a one-of-a-kind military tribunal, designed by President Bush, implemented by President Obama, and inspired by President Kafka.
Halls Mentho-Lyptus Cough DropsThe Colbert ReportS9
Stephen files paperwork to change Jay the Intern's name to "Halls Mentho-Lyptus with Triple Soothing Action Presents Jay the Intern."
Intro - 2/27/13The Colbert ReportS9
A Gitmo inmate goes on trial, John Kerry replaces Hillary Clinton, and MoMA curator Paola Antonelli joins Stephen.
Budget SequestrationThe Colbert ReportS9
Because Democrats and Republicans failed to reach an agreement over the debt ceiling, Obama's sequester will cripple programs that both sides love.
Intro - 2/28/13The Colbert ReportS9
Pope Benedict XVI fulfills his last day in office, the sequester hangs over America, and speechwriter Jon Favreau discusses working for Barack Obama.
Pope TBD & Souvenir SalesThe Colbert ReportS9
Tailors make three different vestments to fit any incoming papal body shape, and Pope Benedict XVI memorabilia sales skyrocket in Vatican City.
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