The Colbert Report
Drone Ducking Tips
Season 9 • 02/26/2013
Al Qaeda makes a tip sheet on how to avoid drones, which includes planting and hiding under trees.
The Colbert ReportS9 Popewatch 2013 - Vatican Sex Parties
Media jackals take advantage of Pope Benedict's exit by spreading rumors about a secret network of gay priests and male prostitutes.
The Colbert ReportS9 Simon Garfield
Simon Garfield talks about Christopher Columbus' map fiasco and the biggest badass in the history of mapmaking, Claudius Ptolemy.
The Colbert ReportS9 The Word - Silent but Deadly
President Obama wants the Centers for Disease Control to study guns again, so America faces its old enemy from the 90s: any actual knowledge about guns.
The Colbert ReportS9 Intro - 2/25/13
The Vatican sorts out a scandal, America reduces its number of guns, and Simon Garfield discusses his book about world maps.
The Colbert ReportS9 Michio Kaku
"Physics of the Future" author Michio Kaku talks about the Apophis asteroid, set to skim by Earth in 2029 and possibly hit in 2036.
The Colbert ReportS9 Popewatch Indeschism 2013 - One Pope over the Line
After he retires, Pope Benedict XVI will answer to "pope emeritus," wear white papal robes and live in the Vatican alongside the new pope.
The Colbert ReportS9 Battleground Texas - Jeremy Bird
Jeremy Bird describes his Texas initiative to get African Americans, Hispanics, women and young people out to the polls.
The Colbert ReportS9 Intro - 2/26/13
Texas endures big changes, America's drone program alters the war on terror, and physicist Michio Kaku believes an asteroid could destroy the planet.
The Colbert ReportS9 Drone Ducking Tips
The Obama administration continues its extrajudicial robo-assassin spree, so Al Qaeda circulates pointers on how to dodge drone strikes.
The Colbert ReportS9 John Kerry's Dumb Talk
Secretary of State John Kerry travels to nine nations, champions free speech and invents the country "Kyrzakhstan," a mix between Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan.
The Colbert ReportS9 Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's Trial at Gitmo - Neal Katyal
The former Acting Solicitor General talks about the U.S. justice system, courtroom bugging and the future of Guantanamo Bay.
The Colbert ReportS9 Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's Trial at Gitmo
Guantanamo Bay hosts a one-of-a-kind military tribunal, designed by President Bush, implemented by President Obama, and inspired by President Kafka.
The Colbert ReportS9 Halls Mentho-Lyptus Cough Drops
Stephen files paperwork to change Jay the Intern's name to "Halls Mentho-Lyptus with Triple Soothing Action Presents Jay the Intern."
The Colbert ReportS9 Intro - 2/27/13
A Gitmo inmate goes on trial, John Kerry replaces Hillary Clinton, and MoMA curator Paola Antonelli joins Stephen.
The Colbert ReportS9 Budget Sequestration
Because Democrats and Republicans failed to reach an agreement over the debt ceiling, Obama's sequester will cripple programs that both sides love.
The Colbert ReportS9 Intro - 2/28/13
Pope Benedict XVI fulfills his last day in office, the sequester hangs over America, and speechwriter Jon Favreau discusses working for Barack Obama.
The Colbert ReportS9 Pope TBD & Souvenir Sales
Tailors make three different vestments to fit any incoming papal body shape, and Pope Benedict XVI memorabilia sales skyrocket in Vatican City.
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