The Colbert Report
Intro - 5/5/09
Season 5 • 05/05/2009
The Supreme Court needs a new justice, and Stephen is just two days away from an online degree.
Code Word - EmpathyThe Colbert ReportS5
Clearly, Obama plans to appoint a drug-addled evolutionist with swine flu to the Supreme Court.
The Prescott Group BailoutThe Colbert ReportS5
Help your old friends at the Prescott Group because if they go down, they're taking you with them.
J.J. AbramsThe Colbert ReportS5
J.J. Abrams reveals clues to Stephen's Persian Gulf mystery before Romulan Stephen demands revenge.
Sign Off - Colbert Nation HomeThe Colbert ReportS5
Every great American's interactive adventure starts with colbertnation.com.
Movies That Are Destroying America - Summer Movie EditionThe Colbert ReportS5
"Up" is a fantastic solution to our Social Security problem: we tie old people to balloons and let them fly away.
Sign Off - iTeamThe Colbert ReportS5
Unless Apple has an application called iTeam, there's no "I" in team.
Paul RieckhoffThe Colbert ReportS5
Paul Rieckhoff wants to make sure returning veterans get education, employment and health care support.
Picking a New Supreme Court Justice - Cliff SloanThe Colbert ReportS5
Cliff Sloan estimates that the odds on the new Supreme Court justice being a white male are close to zero, even if that male is Stephen.
Cinco de Mayo PrecautionsThe Colbert ReportS5
This year, Stephen celebrates Cinco de Mayo with a quarantined three-bean dip and a Hazmat-suited pinata filled with Tamiflu.
The Word - Captain Kangaroo CourtThe Colbert ReportS5
Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney should have to explain their nuanced rationale for torture to a jury of children.
Intro - 5/5/09The Colbert ReportS5
Who should be the new Supreme Court justice? Here's a hint: Stephen's two days away from an online degree.
Laurie GarrettThe Colbert ReportS5
Laurie Garrett warns that the bird virus in Indonesia is 850 times as bad as the swine flu, though the piggies are right outside our door..
Colbert-Branson DuelThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen challenges Richard Branson to a chicken fight with a couple of nude models on their backs.
Tip/Wag - Forced Smoking & Grizzly Best ManThe Colbert ReportS5
The Gong'an county government in China orders its staff to smoke cigarettes, and a groom chooses a bear as his best man.
Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Saudi ArabiaThe Colbert ReportS5
Before his trip to the Persian Gulf, Stephen will pack clean underwear and swallow an Argentine shiraz-filled condom.
Intro - 5/6/09The Colbert ReportS5
President Obama's approval numbers are at 67%, and public health expert Laurie Garrett is here to shed some light on the swine flu.
Hug Your TelevisionThe Colbert ReportS5
If you can't stand being apart from Stephen, pause the screen and hug your TV for 23 1/2 hours.
Intro - 5/7/09The Colbert ReportS5
It's Bring Your Savior to Work Day, and Mitchell Joachim wants to build carbon-neutral cities.
Clasp Your Hands Say YahwehThe Colbert ReportS5
To compensate for President Obama's bad attitude, Stephen amps up his own National Day of Prayer prayer with his special Prayer Reportnalia and the Danciples.
Smokin' Pole - The Fight for Arctic Riches: Inuit NationThe Colbert ReportS5
Arctic nations rush to stake claims in polar territories, even though it clearly belongs to America -- Superman lives there.
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