The Colbert Report

Laurie Garrett

Season 5 • 05/06/2009

Laurie Garrett explains why pigs are walking, talking, eating, pooping Petri dishes.

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05:43

The Colbert ReportS5
Paul Rieckhoff

Paul Rieckhoff wants to make sure returning veterans get education, employment and health care support.
05/05/2009
05:15

The Colbert ReportS5
Picking a New Supreme Court Justice - Cliff Sloan

Cliff Sloan estimates that the odds on the new Supreme Court justice being a white male are close to zero, even if that male is Stephen.
05/05/2009
01:50

The Colbert ReportS5
Cinco de Mayo Precautions

This year, Stephen celebrates Cinco de Mayo with a quarantined three-bean dip and a Hazmat-suited pinata filled with Tamiflu.
05/05/2009
05:57

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Captain Kangaroo Court

Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney should have to explain their nuanced rationale for torture to a jury of children.
05/05/2009
00:33

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 5/5/09

Who should be the new Supreme Court justice? Here's a hint: Stephen's two days away from an online degree.
05/05/2009
04:48

The Colbert ReportS5
Colbert-Branson Duel

Stephen challenges Richard Branson to a chicken fight with a couple of nude models on their backs.
05/06/2009
03:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Tip/Wag - Forced Smoking & Grizzly Best Man

The Gong'an county government in China orders its staff to smoke cigarettes, and a groom chooses a bear as his best man.
05/06/2009
04:47

The Colbert ReportS5
Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Saudi Arabia

Before his trip to the Persian Gulf, Stephen will pack clean underwear and swallow an Argentine shiraz-filled condom.
05/06/2009
00:38

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 5/6/09

President Obama's approval numbers are at 67%, and public health expert Laurie Garrett is here to shed some light on the swine flu.
05/06/2009
00:20

The Colbert ReportS5
Hug Your Television

If you can't stand being apart from Stephen, pause the screen and hug your TV for 23 1/2 hours.
05/06/2009
05:47

The Colbert ReportS5
Laurie Garrett

Laurie Garrett warns that the bird virus in Indonesia is 850 times as bad as the swine flu, though the piggies are right outside our door..
05/06/2009
00:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 5/7/09

It's Bring Your Savior to Work Day, and Mitchell Joachim wants to build carbon-neutral cities.
05/07/2009
04:46

The Colbert ReportS5
Clasp Your Hands Say Yahweh

To compensate for President Obama's bad attitude, Stephen amps up his own National Day of Prayer prayer with his special Prayer Reportnalia and the Danciples.
05/07/2009
03:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Smokin' Pole - The Fight for Arctic Riches: Inuit Nation

Arctic nations rush to stake claims in polar territories, even though it clearly belongs to America -- Superman lives there.
05/07/2009
06:35

The Colbert ReportS5
Mitchell Joachim

Mitchell Joachim imagines soft cars and blimp bumper buses for cities in the future.
05/07/2009
00:14

The Colbert ReportS5
Spay and Neuter Your Pets

Remember, have your pets spayed or neutered. Animal members of the Colbert Nation: run!
05/07/2009
04:02

The Colbert ReportS5
Sean Hannity's Liberty Tree

Thank you, Sean Hannity, for taking us to the Liberty Tree instead of going miles out of the way to the Making Sense Bush.
05/07/2009
00:15

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Unicorn Dealership

If you dream about Stephen tonight, he'll see you at the unicorn dealership.
05/11/2009
00:30

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 5/11/09

Congress cracks down on credit card companies, and Jeff Daniels' Broadway play sounds like a great video game.
05/11/2009
02:53

The Colbert ReportS5
Alpha Dog of the Week - Erik Slye

The case of the Montana Legal System v. Dog's Ball Wrinkles sets a legal precedent.
05/11/2009
03:22

The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen's Fancy Feast

When Stephen sends his assistant to get pate, she only brings back the fanciest of feasts.
05/11/2009
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