The Colbert Report

Andy Schlafly

Season 5 • 12/08/2009

Andy Schlafly takes the Internet back for conservatives with Conservapedia.

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04:39

Tip/Wag - Jonas Brothers, Fox News & Japanese Burger King
The Colbert ReportS5

The Jonas Brothers promote the Xbox 360, Fox News enforces a new accuracy pledge, and Japanese Burger Kings sell a Windows 7 Whopper.
12/07/2009
02:05

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Tongue-Eating Parasite
The Colbert ReportS5

Scientists discover a parasitic fish off the coast of New Jersey that survives by eating and replacing the host's tongue.
12/07/2009
04:49

Bill T. Jones
The Colbert ReportS5

Bill T. Jones describes how Fela Kuti fought against the Nigerian government with his music.
12/07/2009
00:35

Intro - 12/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen inflates his neck pouch to scare off predators and wonders what Disney movie "Fela!" is based on.
12/07/2009
03:04

Who's Attacking Me Now? - G. Edward DeSeve
The Colbert ReportS5

Stefan Colburt will fight G. Edward DeSeve anywhere in America, like Rhode Island's 65th District.
12/07/2009
05:02

Fed's Dead - Bernie Sanders
The Colbert ReportS5

Bernie Sanders doesn't want the government to run everything, but he calls for a fairer distribution of wealth and income.
12/08/2009
00:31

Intro - 12/8/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Ben Bernanke may lose his job, and Andy Schlafly creates a conservative version of Wikipedia.
12/08/2009
00:02

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for the show, everybody.
12/08/2009
05:32

Fed's Dead
The Colbert ReportS5

People like Bernie Sanders want to pull down the Federal Reserve's pantaloons to look at its fiscal naughty parts.
12/08/2009
01:22

How Far Good Parents Will Go
The Colbert ReportS5

It's sad when only six percent of parents would knock someone over to grab the last toy for their kids.
12/08/2009
07:18

Andy Schlafly
The Colbert ReportS5

Andy Schlafly invites the best of the public to translate the Bible on Conservapedia.
12/08/2009
00:06

Sign Off - Goodnight With Krampus
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodnight as Krampus shakes his rusty chains.
12/09/2009
06:52

Matt Taibbi
The Colbert ReportS5

Matt Taibbi discusses Goldman Sachs' unprecedented access and influence on the government.
12/09/2009
04:35

The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Hallmark & Krampus
The Colbert ReportS5

Hallmark encourages people to buy greeting cards instead of presents, and the Christmas Krampus visits Stephen.
12/09/2009
00:35

Intro - 12/9/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The GOP can't decide whether it's white or translucent, and Matt Taibbi says Goldman Sachs controls the government.
12/09/2009
02:09

Monkey ThreatDown - Holes & Banana Too High
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen appeals to the prized monkey demographic by presenting a Monkey ThreatDown.
12/09/2009
05:17

The Word - Grand Old Purity
The Colbert ReportS5

The GOP must put moderate Republicans in situations that reveal their true beliefs, like in the movie "Saw."
12/09/2009
02:15

Skate Expectations - Bobsled Team Tryouts
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to be part of the U.S. bobsledding team, which is comprised of one driver, one brakeman and two human airbags.
12/10/2009
00:02

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for the show, everybody.
12/10/2009
06:41

Lara Logan
The Colbert ReportS5

Lara Logan weighs in on Obama's complex plan in Afghanistan and explains why Osama bin Laden hasn't been captured.
12/10/2009
05:54

Skate Expectations - Bobsled Team Tryouts - Team Night Train
The Colbert ReportS5

The members of Team Night Train teach Stephen how to push and ride his way to glory.
12/10/2009
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