The Colbert Report

Andy Schlafly

Season 5 • 12/08/2009

Andy Schlafly takes the Internet back for conservatives with Conservapedia.

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04:39

The Colbert ReportS5
Tip/Wag - Jonas Brothers, Fox News & Japanese Burger King

The Jonas Brothers promote the Xbox 360, Fox News enforces a new accuracy pledge, and Japanese Burger Kings sell a Windows 7 Whopper.
12/07/2009
02:05

The Colbert ReportS5
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Tongue-Eating Parasite

Scientists discover a parasitic fish off the coast of New Jersey that survives by eating and replacing the host's tongue.
12/07/2009
04:49

The Colbert ReportS5
Bill T. Jones

Bill T. Jones describes how Fela Kuti fought against the Nigerian government with his music.
12/07/2009
00:35

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 12/7/09

Stephen inflates his neck pouch to scare off predators and wonders what Disney movie "Fela!" is based on.
12/07/2009
03:04

The Colbert ReportS5
Who's Attacking Me Now? - G. Edward DeSeve

Stefan Colburt will fight G. Edward DeSeve anywhere in America, like Rhode Island's 65th District.
12/07/2009
05:02

The Colbert ReportS5
Fed's Dead - Bernie Sanders

Bernie Sanders doesn't want the government to run everything, but he calls for a fairer distribution of wealth and income.
12/08/2009
00:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 12/8/09

Ben Bernanke may lose his job, and Andy Schlafly creates a conservative version of Wikipedia.
12/08/2009
00:02

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Goodnight

That's it for the show, everybody.
12/08/2009
05:32

The Colbert ReportS5
Fed's Dead

People like Bernie Sanders want to pull down the Federal Reserve's pantaloons to look at its fiscal naughty parts.
12/08/2009
01:22

The Colbert ReportS5
How Far Good Parents Will Go

It's sad when only six percent of parents would knock someone over to grab the last toy for their kids.
12/08/2009
07:18

The Colbert ReportS5
Andy Schlafly

Andy Schlafly invites the best of the public to translate the Bible on Conservapedia.
12/08/2009
00:06

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Goodnight With Krampus

Stephen says goodnight as Krampus shakes his rusty chains.
12/09/2009
06:52

The Colbert ReportS5
Matt Taibbi

Matt Taibbi discusses Goldman Sachs' unprecedented access and influence on the government.
12/09/2009
04:35

The Colbert ReportS5
The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Hallmark & Krampus

Hallmark encourages people to buy greeting cards instead of presents, and the Christmas Krampus visits Stephen.
12/09/2009
00:35

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 12/9/09

The GOP can't decide whether it's white or translucent, and Matt Taibbi says Goldman Sachs controls the government.
12/09/2009
02:09

The Colbert ReportS5
Monkey ThreatDown - Holes & Banana Too High

Stephen appeals to the prized monkey demographic by presenting a Monkey ThreatDown.
12/09/2009
05:17

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Grand Old Purity

The GOP must put moderate Republicans in situations that reveal their true beliefs, like in the movie "Saw."
12/09/2009
02:15

The Colbert ReportS5
Skate Expectations - Bobsled Team Tryouts

Stephen wants to be part of the U.S. bobsledding team, which is comprised of one driver, one brakeman and two human airbags.
12/10/2009
00:02

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Goodnight

That's it for the show, everybody.
12/10/2009
06:41

The Colbert ReportS5
Lara Logan

Lara Logan weighs in on Obama's complex plan in Afghanistan and explains why Osama bin Laden hasn't been captured.
12/10/2009
05:54

The Colbert ReportS5
Skate Expectations - Bobsled Team Tryouts - Team Night Train

The members of Team Night Train teach Stephen how to push and ride his way to glory.
12/10/2009
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