The Colbert Report
Intro - 12/7/09
Season 5 • 12/07/2009
Fox News institutes a new policy -- other than keeping sharp objects away from Glenn Beck.
Intro - 12/3/09The Colbert ReportS5
Tiger Woods says he's sorry, Stephen has Olympic fever, and Janet Napolitano isn't securing the homeland.
Tiger's TaleThe Colbert ReportS5
Tiger Woods didn't realize that cheating is a sacred institution between one man, one woman and one other woman.
Skate Expectations - Skeleton Team Tryouts - Zach LundThe Colbert ReportS5
Zach Lund gives Stephen the history of skeleton racing before helping him try out for the Olympic team.
Janet NapolitanoThe Colbert ReportS5
Janet Napolitano discusses America's border security and explains why she doesn't believe in the color-coded terror alert level.
Sign Off - Welcome Sean JulienThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen welcomes the newest member of the Colbert Nation, Sean Julien.
Skate Expectations - Skeleton Team TryoutsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen isn't attending the Vancouver Olympics just to ombud -- he's going as a member of the U.S. Olympic team.
Tip/Wag - Jonas Brothers, Fox News & Japanese Burger KingThe Colbert ReportS5
The Jonas Brothers promote the Xbox 360, Fox News enforces a new accuracy pledge, and Japanese Burger Kings sell a Windows 7 Whopper.
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Tongue-Eating ParasiteThe Colbert ReportS5
Scientists discover a parasitic fish off the coast of New Jersey that survives by eating and replacing the host's tongue.
Bill T. JonesThe Colbert ReportS5
Bill T. Jones describes how Fela Kuti fought against the Nigerian government with his music.
Who's Attacking Me Now? - G. Edward DeSeveThe Colbert ReportS5
Stefan Colburt will fight G. Edward DeSeve anywhere in America, like Rhode Island's 65th District.
Intro - 12/7/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen inflates his neck pouch to scare off predators and wonders what Disney movie "Fela!" is based on.
Fed's Dead - Bernie SandersThe Colbert ReportS5
Bernie Sanders doesn't want the government to run everything, but he calls for a fairer distribution of wealth and income.
Andy SchlaflyThe Colbert ReportS5
Andy Schlafly invites the best of the public to translate the Bible on Conservapedia.
Intro - 12/8/09The Colbert ReportS5
Ben Bernanke may lose his job, and Andy Schlafly creates a conservative version of Wikipedia.
Fed's DeadThe Colbert ReportS5
People like Bernie Sanders want to pull down the Federal Reserve's pantaloons to look at its fiscal naughty parts.
How Far Good Parents Will GoThe Colbert ReportS5
It's sad when only six percent of parents would knock someone over to grab the last toy for their kids.
Sign Off - Goodnight With KrampusThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen says goodnight as Krampus shakes his rusty chains.
Matt TaibbiThe Colbert ReportS5
Matt Taibbi discusses Goldman Sachs' unprecedented access and influence on the government.
The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Hallmark & KrampusThe Colbert ReportS5
Hallmark encourages people to buy greeting cards instead of presents, and the Christmas Krampus visits Stephen.
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