The Colbert Report

Intro - 6/30/09

Season 5 • 06/30/2009

Should America embrace soccer, and if so, can we use our hands?

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05:24

Jeff Goldblum Will Be Missed
The Colbert ReportS5

Jeff Goldblum interrupts Stephen's report on the death of Jeff Goldblum.
06/29/2009
02:36

Michael Jackson's Media Attention
The Colbert ReportS5

With the media focused on Michael Jackson's death, Stephen can commit unspeakable acts of depravity without anyone noticing.
06/29/2009
05:04

The Word - Noncensus
The Colbert ReportS5

If Americans stop counting, it will end longstanding problems like the census, the deficit and birthdays.
06/29/2009
04:52

Neil deGrasse Tyson
The Colbert ReportS5

Neil deGrasse Tyson tries to make science accessible to whomever wants to reach out and touch it.
06/29/2009
00:12

Sign Off - Farewell, David Souter
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen hopes Justice David Souter enjoys his retirement with Norm Coleman.
06/30/2009
03:09

Is It Time to Care About Soccer? - Alexi Lalas
The Colbert ReportS5

Alexi Lalas believes the U.S. soccer team definitely has a shot at winning the World Cup.
06/30/2009
04:38

Is It Time To Care About Soccer?
The Colbert ReportS5

Normally, Stephen wouldn't think twice about soccer, but that was before the U.S. was good at it.
06/30/2009
02:22

4th of July Under Attack
The Colbert ReportS5

An environmental activist sues Seattle to suspend their 4th of July fireworks display in pristine Gas Works Park.
06/30/2009
02:24

Al Franken Finally Declared Senator
The Colbert ReportS5

The Minnesota Supreme Court rushes to declare Al Franken the Senate race winner after barely seven months of deliberation.
06/30/2009
06:03

Kevin Mattson
The Colbert ReportS5

Kevin Mattson discusses the relevance of Jimmy Carter's underappreciated "national malaise" speech.
06/30/2009
00:27

Intro - 6/30/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen questions whether America should embrace soccer, and Kevin Mattson thinks Jimmy Carter was underappreciated.
06/30/2009
05:44

Nicholas Kristof
The Colbert ReportS5

Nicholas Kristof describes the endocrine disruptors in the water that are causing genital malformations in male animals and humans.
07/01/2009
00:12

Sign Off - Get Your Illegal Fireworks
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't forget, there are only three more illegal fireworks shopping days until the 4th of July.
07/01/2009
00:37

Intro - 7/1/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Supreme Court takes its recess, and Nicholas Kristof discusses "It's Time to Learn From Frogs" after crossing five lanes of busy traffic.
07/01/2009
02:38

Tip/Wag - Cynthia Davis & Fox News
The Colbert ReportS5

Representative Cynthia Davis opposes subsidized lunches for low-income children, and Fox News incorrectly identifies Mark Sanford as a Democrat.
07/01/2009
02:26

The Second Coming of Ronald Reagan
The Colbert ReportS5

Soon, Reagan will ride into town on the back of his mighty steed, Bonzo, and the Potomac will run red with the blood of bureaucrats.
07/01/2009
05:11

Judge, Jury & Executioner - Firefighters, Gold Waste & Strip Search
The Colbert ReportS5

The Supreme Court releases its decisions on firefighters' tests, goldmine waste and school strip searches.
07/01/2009
02:03

The Clinton Curse
The Colbert ReportS5

Mark Sanford joins other victims of the Clinton curse like Bob Livingston, Larry Craig and Newt Gingrich.
07/01/2009
00:06

Sign Off - See You at the Bar
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen will see you at the bar.
07/02/2009
05:46

Ed Viesturs
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen punches Ed Viesturs' Frequent Everest Card after his seventh climb to the summit of Mount Everest.
07/02/2009
05:04

Re-Report - Lost Treasures of Babylon
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen shows more footage of basic training at Fort Jackson, flying with the Thunderbirds, and putting care packages together with Tom Hanks.
07/02/2009
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