The Colbert Report
Intro - 6/24/09
Season 5 • 06/24/2009
The Jonas Brothers release a new album. Thank God they didn't abstain from making awesome rock.
America's Health Plan-DemicThe Colbert ReportS5
The House Republicans' health care reform plan is practical in that it's practically three pages long and has no numbers.
Governor Alert - The Search for Mark SanfordThe Colbert ReportS5
As his first act as governor of South Carolina, Stephen calls off the search for Mark Sanford.
Barack Obama's Response to IranThe Colbert ReportS5
Critics call for President Obama to get involved in the Iranian elections, boldly and loudly, with the fist of the Statue of Liberty.
America's Health Plan-Demic - Howard DeanThe Colbert ReportS5
Howard Dean believes the American government can pay for a public health insurance option because it will generate more jobs.
David KilcullenThe Colbert ReportS5
David Kilcullen fights wars by taking a local approach to combat smaller guerrilla movements.
Sport Report - Soccer, Tennis & Brett FavreThe Colbert ReportS5
The U.S. soccer team beats Spain, Wimbledon fights match fixing, and Brett Favre wants to join the Minnesota Vikings.
Matthew CrawfordThe Colbert ReportS5
Matthew Crawford explores the dichotomy between "knowledge" work and manual labor.
Sign Off - Random GPS Coordinate LotteryThe Colbert ReportS5
If you're at latitude 37.718 and longitude negative 102.656, you've won Stephen's random GPS coordinate lottery.
Mark Sanford Does Something InterestingThe Colbert ReportS5
Mark Sanford releases the juicy details of his torrid affair at a press conference, putting Stephen to sleep.
Intro - 6/24/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Jonas Brothers don't abstain from making awesome rock, and Matthew Crawford believes in working with his hands.
Jim FourattThe Colbert ReportS5
Jim Fouratt discusses the significance of the Stonewall riots for the gay rights movement and his frustration with Barack Obama.
Sign Off - One BreathThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen made it through the whole show in one breath.
Intro - 6/25/09The Colbert ReportS5
ABC turns their network over to Barack Obama, and Jim Fouratt meets the leader of the gay shame movement.
Gay Demon on the LooseThe Colbert ReportS5
A gay demon was perfectly harmless inside a gay teen, but now it's on the prowl looking to inhabit a new host.
The Word - StonewallingThe Colbert ReportS5
Barack Obama will give rights to the gay community once he's done putting it off.
Commonsense Health Care Reform InfomercialThe Colbert ReportS5
Barack Obama promotes his health care plan on ABC, while Republicans propose their own health care reform with an infomercial.
Jeff Goldblum Will Be MissedThe Colbert ReportS5
Jeff Goldblum interrupts Stephen's report on the death of Jeff Goldblum.
Michael Jackson's Media AttentionThe Colbert ReportS5
With the media focused on Michael Jackson's death, Stephen can commit unspeakable acts of depravity without anyone noticing.
The Word - NoncensusThe Colbert ReportS5
If Americans stop counting, it will end longstanding problems like the census, the deficit and birthdays.
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