The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 05/11/2009
Stephen's credit card has been pre-approved for its own credit card.
Smokin' Pole - The Fight for Arctic Riches: Inuit NationThe Colbert ReportS5
Arctic nations rush to stake claims in polar territories, even though it clearly belongs to America -- Superman lives there.
Mitchell JoachimThe Colbert ReportS5
Mitchell Joachim imagines soft cars and blimp bumper buses for cities in the future.
Spay and Neuter Your PetsThe Colbert ReportS5
Remember, have your pets spayed or neutered. Animal members of the Colbert Nation: run!
Sean Hannity's Liberty TreeThe Colbert ReportS5
Thank you, Sean Hannity, for taking us to the Liberty Tree instead of going miles out of the way to the Making Sense Bush.
Sign Off - Unicorn DealershipThe Colbert ReportS5
If you dream about Stephen tonight, he'll see you at the unicorn dealership.
Intro - 5/11/09The Colbert ReportS5
Congress cracks down on credit card companies, and Jeff Daniels' Broadway play sounds like a great video game.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Erik SlyeThe Colbert ReportS5
The case of the Montana Legal System v. Dog's Ball Wrinkles sets a legal precedent.
Stephen's Fancy FeastThe Colbert ReportS5
When Stephen sends his assistant to get pate, she only brings back the fanciest of feasts.
Credit Card Industry Regulation - Tamara DrautThe Colbert ReportS5
Tamara Draut believes industry regulation is necessary now that Americans are using credit for basic necessities.
Jeff DanielsThe Colbert ReportS5
Jeff Daniels' explains how the play "God of Carnage" shows what happens once the mask of civility is taken away.
Credit CheckThe Colbert ReportS5
Credit card companies are part of an honest industry just trying to make 30% on a buck.
Howard's EndThe Colbert ReportS5
The Vatican's hesitation to boycott Ron Howard's movie, "Angels & Demons," shocks and dismays Stephen.
Intro - 5/12/09The Colbert ReportS5
The embargo on Cuba could be lifted, and Ron Howard discusses his directorial work on the most anti-Catholic film since "Sister Act 2."
Cuba/US Trade Relations - Julia SweigThe Colbert ReportS5
Julia Sweig explains why America should bother opening trade relations with Cuba.
Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Re-Brand the GOPThe Colbert ReportS5
The GOP needs to make painful, soul-searching, superficial changes to their image without altering anything inside.
You Are a DummyThe Colbert ReportS5
If you were offended by any part of the show, it's probably when Stephen called you dumb, dummy.
Ron HowardThe Colbert ReportS5
Ron Howard tells Stephen that "Angels & Demons" is about Robert Langdon saving the church, even though Jesus already did that.
Our Plan in HavanaThe Colbert ReportS5
Europeans try to take Americans' Cuba cash by lifting trade restrictions before the US.
Intro - 5/13/09The Colbert ReportS5
The government has a new method for funding health care, and Michael Pollan defends food.
Stephen's Coke Party ProtestThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is already twitching with excitement over his Coke-fueled party to protest the soda tax.
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