The Colbert Report

Intro - 3/19/07

Season 3 • 03/19/2007

Prisoners can donate their organs. Stephen picked the wrong time to invest in baboon hearts.

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03:26

The Colbert ReportS3
St. Patrick's Day

St. Patrick's Day can't go on now that geneticists have discovered that the English and the Irish are a single people.
03/15/2007
00:17

The Colbert ReportS3
Sign Off - Candy

Stephen plans out a sweet dreamscape for his loyal audience.
03/15/2007
00:34

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 3/15/07

In tonight's episode, Stephen talks to Ayaan Hirsi Ali about fundamentalist Islam, and President Bush returns from his trip to Latin America.
03/15/2007
06:00

The Colbert ReportS3
Better Know a District - Illinois' 17th - Phil Hare

Stephen takes his vitamin E -- a couple of caplets in the mouth keeps the blood flow going south.
03/15/2007
02:35

The Colbert ReportS3
Emanuel Attacks Stephen

Congressman Rahm Emanuel tells freshman students to avoid Stephen, and Stephen fights back by offering the congressman a severed finger.
03/19/2007
01:22

The Colbert ReportS3
Alpha Dog of the Week - Pennies

After getting charged triple the amount of his normal electric bill, Robert Hancock paid the damage in pennies and is thus named Alpha Dog of the Week.
03/19/2007
01:01

The Colbert ReportS3
Willie Nelson Tomorrow

In anticipation of Willie Nelson's appearance on The Report, Stephen speaks out against Willie Nelson's Country Peach Cobbler ice cream and promotes Americone Dream.
03/19/2007
06:07

The Colbert ReportS3
Jerome Groopman

Dr. Jerome Groopman discusses "How Doctors Think" and explains that Dr. Gregory House is based on Sherlock Holmes, who was addicted to cocaine, not heroine.
03/19/2007
03:03

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Pound of Flesh

South Carolina has come up with a program to help control the prisoner population -- inmates can reduce their sentences by donating vital organs.
03/19/2007
04:20

The Colbert ReportS3
ThreatDown - Seniors

Time Magazine, angry dancing seniors, fertility clinics and the FDA are all threatening America.
03/19/2007
00:29

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 3/19/07

Prisoners can donate organs in South Carolina, senior citizens speak out against the war in Iraq, and Stephen speaks with author Jerome Groopman
03/19/2007
02:55

The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen Colbert Day - Honor

In celebration of Stephen Colbert Day, Stephen takes a few moments to honor Oshawa, Ontario, the city that will now give him free parking.
03/20/2007
03:59

The Colbert ReportS3
Willie Recall

Stephen goes after Willie Nelson for his competing ice cream flavor with a vicious ad campaign.
03/20/2007
00:27

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 3/20/07

Scientist do some renovating inside the womb, Stephen gives us a reason to visit Canada, and country musician Willie Nelson stops by.
03/20/2007
05:06

The Colbert ReportS3
Willie Nelson

Stephen and Willie Nelson sample each other's ice creams for the first time. Willie enjoys Americone Dream and Stephen accepts an unspoken apology.
03/20/2007
03:19

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Supernatural

After reading an article about babies being "turned straight" in the womb, Stephen feels everything should be genetically engineered to look more like the Bible says.
03/20/2007
01:49

The Colbert ReportS3
ThreatDown - Polar Bear Cub

After a mama polar bear rejected her cub the zoo planned to care for it but activist Frank Albrecht felt the cub should be killed -- Stephen agrees.
03/20/2007
02:48

The Colbert ReportS3
Impeach Bush

Stephen supports President Bush by antagonizing the Democrats and telling Congress to strap on their balls.
03/21/2007
01:29

The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen's Stoned Friend

After the ice cream feud is finally settled, Stephen hangs out with Willie Nelson on his tour bus and Willie becomes Stephen's new stoned friend.
03/21/2007
00:04

The Colbert ReportS3
Sign Off - Goodnights

Stephen bids his many goodnights.
03/21/2007
03:31

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Sex

Richard Cizik's speaking out about hurting the environment dilutes Christianity's first priority of promoting sexual abstinence.
03/21/2007
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