The Colbert Report

Intro - 3/19/07

Season 3 • 03/19/2007

Prisoners can donate their organs. Stephen picked the wrong time to invest in baboon hearts.

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03:26

St. Patrick's Day
The Colbert ReportS3

St. Patrick's Day can't go on now that geneticists have discovered that the English and the Irish are a single people.
03/15/2007
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00:17

Sign Off - Candy
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen plans out a sweet dreamscape for his loyal audience.
03/15/2007
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00:34

Intro - 3/15/07
The Colbert ReportS3

In tonight's episode, Stephen talks to Ayaan Hirsi Ali about fundamentalist Islam, and President Bush returns from his trip to Latin America.
03/15/2007
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06:00

Better Know a District - Illinois' 17th - Phil Hare
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen takes his vitamin E -- a couple of caplets in the mouth keeps the blood flow going south.
03/15/2007
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02:35

Emanuel Attacks Stephen
The Colbert ReportS3

Congressman Rahm Emanuel tells freshman students to avoid Stephen, and Stephen fights back by offering the congressman a severed finger.
03/19/2007
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01:22

Alpha Dog of the Week - Pennies
The Colbert ReportS3

After getting charged triple the amount of his normal electric bill, Robert Hancock paid the damage in pennies and is thus named Alpha Dog of the Week.
03/19/2007
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01:01

Willie Nelson Tomorrow
The Colbert ReportS3

In anticipation of Willie Nelson's appearance on The Report, Stephen speaks out against Willie Nelson's Country Peach Cobbler ice cream and promotes Americone Dream.
03/19/2007
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06:07

Jerome Groopman
The Colbert ReportS3

Dr. Jerome Groopman discusses "How Doctors Think" and explains that Dr. Gregory House is based on Sherlock Holmes, who was addicted to cocaine, not heroine.
03/19/2007
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03:03

The Word - Pound of Flesh
The Colbert ReportS3

South Carolina has come up with a program to help control the prisoner population -- inmates can reduce their sentences by donating vital organs.
03/19/2007
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04:20

ThreatDown - Seniors
The Colbert ReportS3

Time Magazine, angry dancing seniors, fertility clinics and the FDA are all threatening America.
03/19/2007
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00:29

Intro - 3/19/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Prisoners can donate organs in South Carolina, senior citizens speak out against the war in Iraq, and Stephen speaks with author Jerome Groopman
03/19/2007
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02:55

Stephen Colbert Day - Honor
The Colbert ReportS3

In celebration of Stephen Colbert Day, Stephen takes a few moments to honor Oshawa, Ontario, the city that will now give him free parking.
03/20/2007
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03:59

Willie Recall
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen goes after Willie Nelson for his competing ice cream flavor with a vicious ad campaign.
03/20/2007
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00:27

Intro - 3/20/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Scientist do some renovating inside the womb, Stephen gives us a reason to visit Canada, and country musician Willie Nelson stops by.
03/20/2007
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05:06

Willie Nelson
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen and Willie Nelson sample each other's ice creams for the first time. Willie enjoys Americone Dream and Stephen accepts an unspoken apology.
03/20/2007
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03:19

The Word - Supernatural
The Colbert ReportS3

After reading an article about babies being "turned straight" in the womb, Stephen feels everything should be genetically engineered to look more like the Bible says.
03/20/2007
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01:49

ThreatDown - Polar Bear Cub
The Colbert ReportS3

After a mama polar bear rejected her cub the zoo planned to care for it but activist Frank Albrecht felt the cub should be killed -- Stephen agrees.
03/20/2007
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02:48

Impeach Bush
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen supports President Bush by antagonizing the Democrats and telling Congress to strap on their balls.
03/21/2007
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01:29

Stephen's Stoned Friend
The Colbert ReportS3

After the ice cream feud is finally settled, Stephen hangs out with Willie Nelson on his tour bus and Willie becomes Stephen's new stoned friend.
03/21/2007
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00:04

Sign Off - Goodnights
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen bids his many goodnights.
03/21/2007
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03:31

The Word - Sex
The Colbert ReportS3

Richard Cizik's speaking out about hurting the environment dilutes Christianity's first priority of promoting sexual abstinence.
03/21/2007
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