The Colbert Report
Willie Nelson Tomorrow
Season 3 • 03/19/2007
Stephen challenges Willie Nelson to come on the show and face the music.
The Colbert ReportS3 St. Patrick's Day
St. Patrick's Day can't go on now that geneticists have discovered that the English and the Irish are a single people.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Candy
Stephen plans out a sweet dreamscape for his loyal audience.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 3/15/07
In tonight's episode, Stephen talks to Ayaan Hirsi Ali about fundamentalist Islam, and President Bush returns from his trip to Latin America.
The Colbert ReportS3 Better Know a District - Illinois' 17th - Phil Hare
Stephen takes his vitamin E -- a couple of caplets in the mouth keeps the blood flow going south.
The Colbert ReportS3 Emanuel Attacks Stephen
Congressman Rahm Emanuel tells freshman students to avoid Stephen, and Stephen fights back by offering the congressman a severed finger.
The Colbert ReportS3 Alpha Dog of the Week - Pennies
After getting charged triple the amount of his normal electric bill, Robert Hancock paid the damage in pennies and is thus named Alpha Dog of the Week.
The Colbert ReportS3 Jerome Groopman
Dr. Jerome Groopman discusses "How Doctors Think" and explains that Dr. Gregory House is based on Sherlock Holmes, who was addicted to cocaine, not heroine.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Pound of Flesh
South Carolina has come up with a program to help control the prisoner population -- inmates can reduce their sentences by donating vital organs.
The Colbert ReportS3 ThreatDown - Seniors
Time Magazine, angry dancing seniors, fertility clinics and the FDA are all threatening America.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 3/19/07
Prisoners can donate organs in South Carolina, senior citizens speak out against the war in Iraq, and Stephen speaks with author Jerome Groopman
The Colbert ReportS3 Willie Nelson Tomorrow
In anticipation of Willie Nelson's appearance on The Report, Stephen speaks out against Willie Nelson's Country Peach Cobbler ice cream and promotes Americone Dream.
The Colbert ReportS3 Stephen Colbert Day - Honor
In celebration of Stephen Colbert Day, Stephen takes a few moments to honor Oshawa, Ontario, the city that will now give him free parking.
The Colbert ReportS3 Willie Recall
Stephen goes after Willie Nelson for his competing ice cream flavor with a vicious ad campaign.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 3/20/07
Scientist do some renovating inside the womb, Stephen gives us a reason to visit Canada, and country musician Willie Nelson stops by.
The Colbert ReportS3 Willie Nelson
Stephen and Willie Nelson sample each other's ice creams for the first time. Willie enjoys Americone Dream and Stephen accepts an unspoken apology.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Supernatural
After reading an article about babies being "turned straight" in the womb, Stephen feels everything should be genetically engineered to look more like the Bible says.
The Colbert ReportS3 ThreatDown - Polar Bear Cub
After a mama polar bear rejected her cub the zoo planned to care for it but activist Frank Albrecht felt the cub should be killed -- Stephen agrees.
The Colbert ReportS3 Impeach Bush
Stephen supports President Bush by antagonizing the Democrats and telling Congress to strap on their balls.
The Colbert ReportS3 Stephen's Stoned Friend
After the ice cream feud is finally settled, Stephen hangs out with Willie Nelson on his tour bus and Willie becomes Stephen's new stoned friend.
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