The Colbert Report
Intro - 11/3/09
Season 5 • 11/03/2009
America's jails are overcrowded. How can we make our prisoners more stackable?
Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold SchwarzeneggerThe Colbert ReportS5
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
Used KarzaiThe Colbert ReportS5
Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
Nicholas ThompsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
Sport Report - NYC Marathon & Olympic SpeedskatingThe Colbert ReportS5
An American finally wins the New York City marathon, and the Colbert Nation becomes the official sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team.
Sign Off - Donate to the U.S. Speedskating TeamThe Colbert ReportS5
Make sure that it's America's 38-inch thighs on the Olympics medal platform by donating to the U.S. speedskating team.
Canadian Hackers Sabotage Colbert NationThe Colbert ReportS5
Despite Canadian hackers taking down the donations link, you heroes have already raised $40,000 for the U.S. Speedskating team.
Sign Off - They Call Me Mister FryThe Colbert ReportS5
If you are going to be in New York, check out "They Call Me Mister Fry" at the Comic Strip Live.
Andrew SullivanThe Colbert ReportS5
Andrew Sullivan details Barack Obama's achievements in improved international relations, health care reform and bipartisanship.
Nailed 'Em - Mormon Church TrespassingThe Colbert ReportS5
The Mormon Church arrested Derek Jones and Matt Aune for criminal trespassing, not for being gay.
The Word - The Green MileThe Colbert ReportS5
The rest of America should follow Arizona's lead and replace the long arm of the law with the invisible hand of the market.
Intro - 11/3/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen thinks it's racist that there's no Pepper Lake City, and Andrew Sullivan talks about Obama's accomplishments.
Intro - 11/5/09The Colbert ReportS5
Canadian athletes dope with beaver musk to gain an unfair advantage at the Winter Games, and William Bratton runs from the law.
Intro - 11/4/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen takes a wait-and-swim approach to global warming and talks to Harold Evans about the newspaper business.
Formidable Opponent - Global Warming With Al GoreThe Colbert ReportS5
Al Gore explains to Stephen and Stephen and Al Gore that stopping global warming doesn't have to hurt the economy.
Harold EvansThe Colbert ReportS5
Harold Evans talks about being married to Tina Brown, getting knighted by the queen and exposing spies in the British government.
Guy-FawkersThe Colbert ReportS5
Michele Bachmann one-ups the tea party protests by holding a health care reform rally on Guy Fawkes Day.
'09 Off-Year Semi-Presidential ElectferendumThe Colbert ReportS5
Barack Obama loses the New Jersey and Virginia gubernatorial races, and Chris Christie uses Monty Python to attack Jon Corzine.
Tip/Wag - Rush Limbaugh & Us WeeklyThe Colbert ReportS5
Rush Limbaugh has no clue about who will beat Barack Obama in 2012, and Us Weekly judges celebrities' kids on their appearance.
William BrattonThe Colbert ReportS5
William Bratton works to take the American police force model to emerging democracies and post-conflict nations.
Cheating Death - Swine Flu Scam Detector & VaxacondaThe Colbert ReportS5
The Prescott Swine Flu Scam Detector exposes fake treatments, while Vaxaconda prevents kidney failure and rodent infestations.
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