The Colbert Report
The "Duke's" Things
Season 1 • 11/29/2005
Stephen takes one last look at everything Randy "Duke" Cunningham must give up.
Viewer Phone CallsThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen Colbert answers viewers' questions about the troops in Iraq, the Better Know a District map and the best way to clean the American flag.
Cyber MondayThe Colbert ReportS1
The nation is on its honor not to steal Stephen Colbert's identity.
Sign Off - Check Your Local ListingsThe Colbert ReportS1
From what Stephen Colbert understands of quantum mechanics, tonight's show may not have happened.
Brian GreeneThe Colbert ReportS1
By saying that science has more validity than a feeling, Brian Greene is implying that Stephen Colbert descended from a monkey.
The Word - NeverThe Colbert ReportS1
We need to send more troops into Iraq in order to get the job done, so that we can pull the troops out, which we will never do.
Better Know a District - California's 50th - Randy "Duke" CunninghamThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen blames California's 50th district for Randy "Duke" Cunningham having to resign over bribery charges.
Richard PrestonThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen wants Richard Preston to scare the pants off of him.
The Word - ConfidenceThe Colbert ReportS1
We have enough confidence to let our government operate without having any confidence in it.
Was It Really That Bad? - Black DeathThe Colbert ReportS1
The Black Death didn't just make more dead people, it also made less competition for those few live people.
Intro - 11/29/05The Colbert ReportS1
On tap: the failed Canadian government, the bubonic plague and Richard Preston -- with any luck, he'll bring an Ebola monkey.
The "Duke's" ThingsThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen looks at everything Randy "Duke" Cunningham must now say goodbye to.
Katrina vanden HeuvelThe Colbert ReportS1
Katrina vanden Heuvel is a proud liberal who is considered mainstream on her stances in ending the war in Iraq and on national health care.
The Word - Gay Gay Gay Gay GayThe Colbert ReportS1
Pope Benedict decrees that men who have not had homosexual encounters for three years have only "transitory" homosexual tendencies and still qualify to be priests.
Fract - Nobody Messes with HouseThe Colbert ReportS1
The actor who plays "House, M.D." is British, but he plays an American.
Intro - 11/30/05The Colbert ReportS1
Stephen discusses Bush's plan for victory in Iraq, learns about America's 10 sexiest union organizers and talks to Congressperson Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick.
Around the World in 11.6 Seconds - MediaThe Colbert ReportS1
Stephen reports the international news in 11.6 seconds.
The Word - SpectacleThe Colbert ReportS1
The threat of lethal injection is the number one reason Stephen hasn't murdered anyone yet.
Intro - 12/1/05The Colbert ReportS1
In tonight's episode, Stephen weighs the merits of your new face transplant.
Richard ClarkeThe Colbert ReportS1
Former counterterrorism czar Richard Clarke discusses his new book of fiction, "The Scorpion's Gate."
Giant Gold WasherThe Colbert ReportS1
The Winter Olympics are Stephen's favorite time of the every four years.
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