The Colbert Report

Richard Clarke

Season 1 • 12/01/2005

The former counterterrorism czar reveals when the GWAT will end.

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05:30

Katrina vanden Heuvel
The Colbert ReportS1

Katrina vanden Heuvel is a proud liberal who is considered mainstream on her stances in ending the war in Iraq and on national health care.
11/30/2005
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02:50

The Word - Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay
The Colbert ReportS1

Pope Benedict decrees that men who have not had homosexual encounters for three years have only "transitory" homosexual tendencies and still qualify to be priests.
11/30/2005
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00:08

Fract - Nobody Messes with House
The Colbert ReportS1

The actor who plays "House, M.D." is British, but he plays an American.
11/30/2005
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00:38

Intro - 11/30/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen discusses Bush's plan for victory in Iraq, learns about America's 10 sexiest union organizers and talks to Congressperson Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick.
11/30/2005
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01:09

Around the World in 11.6 Seconds - Media
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen reports the international news in 11.6 seconds.
11/30/2005
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04:50

The Word - Spectacle
The Colbert ReportS1

The threat of lethal injection is the number one reason Stephen hasn't murdered anyone yet.
12/01/2005
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00:30

Intro - 12/1/05
The Colbert ReportS1

In tonight's episode, Stephen weighs the merits of your new face transplant.
12/01/2005
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02:15

Giant Gold Washer
The Colbert ReportS1

The Winter Olympics are Stephen's favorite time of the every four years.
12/01/2005
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01:31

Face Transplant
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen honors the heroes who toil to plump our sunken cheeks, hoist our drooping buttocks and thread serrated plastic sutures through the fatty layers beneath our necks.
12/01/2005
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04:04

Tip/Wag - Seattle
The Colbert ReportS1

Something crashes in Seattle, and this time it's not Windows 98.
12/01/2005
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04:49

Richard Clarke
The Colbert ReportS1

Former counterterrorism czar Richard Clarke discusses his new book of fiction, "The Scorpion's Gate."
12/01/2005
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04:03

Kennedy Center Honors
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen doesn't understand why Ted Kennedy gets to decide who the best artists are in this country.
12/05/2005
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02:37

This Week in History - December 4th-10th
The Colbert ReportS1

Prohibition ended when Utah ratified the 21st Amendment -- no surprise considering the booze-drenched land of debauchery Utah has become.
12/05/2005
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01:51

Colbert Nation Citizen Award
The Colbert ReportS1

Lock your doors and windows, America. There's an escaped criminal on the loose.
12/05/2005
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05:21

Maureen Dowd
The Colbert ReportS1

Maureen Dowd proves that when you send a woman to do a man's job, they wind up abolishing men.
12/05/2005
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01:50

Apology
The Colbert ReportS1

Bobby breaks away from the pack in the horserace of shame.
12/05/2005
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03:49

The Word - XMas
The Colbert ReportS1

Wishing a non-believer "Merry Christmas" is no different than inviting a foreign exchange student to a Fourth of July barbeque
12/05/2005
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00:37

Intro - 12/5/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Tonight, Stephen covers the Kennedy Center awards and asks Maureen Dowd if he's necessary.
12/05/2005
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05:53

Anderson Cooper
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen is getting tired of all the comparisons between himself and Anderson Cooper.
12/06/2005
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02:35

The Word - Backsies
The Colbert ReportS1

The free ride is over now that corporations are adopting the beloved childhood ritual of backsies.
12/06/2005
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00:31

Season of Giving
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen frowns on nameless acts of charity because they're the coward's way out.
12/06/2005
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