The Colbert Report
The Word - Never
Season 1 • 11/28/2005
Never may seem like a long time, but it's only never for now.
The Colbert ReportS1 The Word - McConaughey!
Recent McConaughey news indicates that our troubled nation might be back on track!
The Colbert ReportS1 No Good Deed
Representative Barney Frank throws his free face time on The Colbert Report back in Stephen's face.
The Colbert ReportS1 ThreatDown - Children
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's daughter Annie has a severe case of the absolutely adorables.
The Colbert ReportS1 Thanksgiving Vacation
Stephen dispenses some Thanksgiving cooking advice.
The Colbert ReportS1 Stephen Settles the Debate - Science vs. Faith
Due to a miraculous coin toss, faith wins the debate against science.
The Colbert ReportS1 Intro - 11/28/05
Stephen questions U.S. presence in Iraq, interviews quantum physicist Brian Greene, settles the debate between science and religion and reports on holiday shopping.
The Colbert ReportS1 Viewer Phone Calls
Stephen Colbert answers viewers' questions about the troops in Iraq, the Better Know a District map and the best way to clean the American flag.
The Colbert ReportS1 Cyber Monday
The nation is on its honor not to steal Stephen Colbert's identity.
The Colbert ReportS1 Sign Off - Check Your Local Listings
From what Stephen Colbert understands of quantum mechanics, tonight's show may not have happened.
The Colbert ReportS1 Brian Greene
By saying that science has more validity than a feeling, Brian Greene is implying that Stephen Colbert descended from a monkey.
The Colbert ReportS1 The Word - Never
We need to send more troops into Iraq in order to get the job done, so that we can pull the troops out, which we will never do.
The Colbert ReportS1 Better Know a District - California's 50th - Randy "Duke" Cunningham
Stephen blames California's 50th district for Randy "Duke" Cunningham having to resign over bribery charges.
The Colbert ReportS1 Richard Preston
Stephen wants Richard Preston to scare the pants off of him.
The Colbert ReportS1 The Word - Confidence
We have enough confidence to let our government operate without having any confidence in it.
The Colbert ReportS1 Was It Really That Bad? - Black Death
The Black Death didn't just make more dead people, it also made less competition for those few live people.
The Colbert ReportS1 Intro - 11/29/05
On tap: the failed Canadian government, the bubonic plague and Richard Preston -- with any luck, he'll bring an Ebola monkey.
The Colbert ReportS1 The "Duke's" Things
Stephen looks at everything Randy "Duke" Cunningham must now say goodbye to.
The Colbert ReportS1 Katrina vanden Heuvel
Katrina vanden Heuvel is a proud liberal who is considered mainstream on her stances in ending the war in Iraq and on national health care.
The Colbert ReportS1 The Word - Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay
Pope Benedict decrees that men who have not had homosexual encounters for three years have only "transitory" homosexual tendencies and still qualify to be priests.
The Colbert ReportS1 Fract - Nobody Messes with House
The actor who plays "House, M.D." is British, but he plays an American.
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