The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 11/30/2009
Cevin Soling warns that school security has taken precedence over education.
Intro - 11/18/09The Colbert ReportS5
Sarah Palin has a 400-page book, "2012" takes the world by storm, and Norah Jones talks about her famous father, Indiana.
Sign Off - Thanks, Elvis CostelloThe Colbert ReportS5
Elvis Costello will come back and do a song with Stephen when he gets his voice back.
Tip/Wag - U.S. Speedskating Team, NY Lottery & William PhillipsThe Colbert ReportS5
The U.S. Speedskating team wins at the World Cup, the New York Lottery goes upscale, and a fifth grader refuses to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
Stephen Shakes His MoneymakerThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen liquidates his investments and injects them into his ass after the Senate introduces a tax on plastic surgery.
Celebrating the AK-47 - John PikeThe Colbert ReportS5
John Pike talks about the popularity of the AK-47 as the Russian designer celebrates his 90th birthday.
Intro - 11/30/09The Colbert ReportS5
Copenhagen hosts an environmental summit, Stephen talks to an advocate for nuclear disarmament, and Cevin Soling says schools have turned into prisons.
Amateur Hour at the White HouseThe Colbert ReportS5
Joe Biden crashes President Obama's state dinner to get on "The Real Housewives of Delaware."
Something Is Melting in Denmark - Dan EstyThe Colbert ReportS5
Dan Esty believes President Obama will bring a change in spirit to the United Nations Climate Change Conference.
Better Know a Lobby - Ploughshares FundThe Colbert ReportS5
Joseph Cirincione plays "Sanction, Bomb, Marry?" with Iran, Pakistan and North Korea.
Cevin SolingThe Colbert ReportS5
Cevin Soling says public schools have been transformed into prisons because of an overdependence on security.
Gold, Frankincense and Mars - Guy ConsolmagnoThe Colbert ReportS5
Brother Guy Consolmagno explains why the Vatican accepts the possibility of alien life.
Sherman AlexieThe Colbert ReportS5
Sherman Alexie criticizes digital technology for taking away the local celebration and appreciation of books.
Better Know a Made-Up District - Connecticut's 42ndThe Colbert ReportS5
Connecticut's 42nd District is located in the middle of the River Styx and is represented by Brad Pitt's character from "Fight Club."
Intro - 12/1/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Catholic Church searches for life on other planets, and Sherman Alexie discusses his book, "War Dances."
U.S. Army Chain of CommandThe Colbert ReportS5
By sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, President Obama must be unfamiliar with the chain of command.
Deployment FiguresThe Colbert ReportS5
President Obama's speech to send 30,000 troops to Afghanistan was missing passion and a certain word.
Cheating Death - R.J. Reynolds, Genzyme & Bionic BottomThe Colbert ReportS5
R.J. Reynolds hopes to make money off of quit-smoking aids, Genzyme pills contain trash, and a man regulates his bowel movements via remote control.
Intro - 12/2/09The Colbert ReportS5
Barack Obama sends 30,000 troops into Afghanistan, and Craig Watkins overturns old convictions with DNA evidence.
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