The Colbert Report
Season 9 • 01/30/2013
The philanthropist discusses his foundation's Annual Letter, polio, education and Steve Jobs.
George SaundersThe Colbert ReportS9
The MacArthur Grant Fellow uses analogies to explain why he prefers short stories over novels.
Guantanamo Bay Office ClosureThe Colbert ReportS9
The Obama administration reassigns the guy who failed to close Gitmo to a more cushy post: solving the Middle East.
Iran's Space Monkey & America's Ape MoratoriumThe Colbert ReportS9
Iran acquires weapons of macaque destruction, while the National Institute of Health retires 110 government-owned chimpanzees.
Gun Control & State Sovereignty - Cliff SloanThe Colbert ReportS9
The former associate White House counsel describes past nullification efforts during the Civil War and Brown v. Board.
Intro - 1/29/13The Colbert ReportS9
States wonder if they have to follow federal law, the war on terror persists, and George Saunders shares his critically-acclaimed book.
The Word - It Gets WorseThe Colbert ReportS9
Pro-DOMA lawyer Paul Clement thinks the struggle for gay rights has just been too successful, so it therefore must end in failure.
Intro - 1/30/13The Colbert ReportS9
Gays and lesbians advocate for same-sex marriage, the Ku Klux Klan makes big changes, and billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates joins Stephen.
Non-Racist KKKThe Colbert ReportS9
The new Ku Klux Klan spreads its positive message the way any open-minded group would: door to door in the dead of night.
Coming Out Benefits & Gay RightsThe Colbert ReportS9
Psychosomatic Medicine prints a study on gay men's stress levels, and conservatives have been saying gays should have equal rights since the beginning of this sentence.
Bill GatesThe Colbert ReportS9
Microsoft's founder talks about polio eradication, information technology and the decline in childhood deaths worldwide.
Sport Report - Gatorade Chemicals & Chicken Wing ShortageThe Colbert ReportS9
Gatorade without flame retardant is like hotdogs without pig sphincter, and chicken thieves run a-fowl as wing prices fly high.
Sign Off - Welcome Baby Sanchez!The Colbert ReportS9
Stephen congratulates his wardrobe mistress who just gave birth to the newest citizen of Colbert Nation.
Craziest F#?King Thing I've Ever Heard - Crows Using ToolsThe Colbert ReportS9
A bird demonstrates higher-level thinking while Big Bird, after 40 years, still needs help counting to 10.
Sport Report - Ads for Ads & Deer Antler SprayThe Colbert ReportS9
TiVo watchers practice fast-forwarding, and Sports Illustrated accuses Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis of deer antler doping.
Bipartisan Immigration ReformThe Colbert ReportS9
Latino immigrants deserve the same Social Security, Medicare and public education benefits that all Americans are slowly losing.
Skeet Shooting SkepticsThe Colbert ReportS9
If President Obama really loved guns, he'd be waving them around at a petting zoo and picking off baby goats, not skeet shooting.
Sonia SotomayorThe Colbert ReportS9
Justice Sotomayor discusses her funny colleagues, self-reliant childhood and most conservative belief as an Independent.
Super Bowl XLVIIThe Colbert ReportS9
Budweiser turns out a tearjerker ad, Beyonce ends the halftime tradition of arthritic legends, and the Superdome loses power for 35 minutes.
Intro - 2/4/13The Colbert ReportS9
The GOP tries to appeal to Hispanics, President Obama seeks support from gun owners, and Sonia Sotomayor is the first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice.
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