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The Colbert Report
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About
The Colbert Report
Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' Audience
Season 5 • 11/12/2009
Stephen claims Lou Dobbs' audience and opinions after he quits CNN.
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Watching
00:17
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Stephen's Fight With Christopher Caldwell
The show went well except for the violent fistfight Stephen had with Christopher Caldwell that had to be edited out.
11/11/2009
06:22
The Colbert Report
S5
Christopher Caldwell
Christopher Caldwell says unassimilated Muslim immigrants have disrupted European relations between ethnic groups and the sexes.
11/11/2009
05:23
The Colbert Report
S5
Grover the Hill
America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.
11/11/2009
02:39
The Colbert Report
S5
Goldman Sachs Does God's Work
Despite collecting the highest salary on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein never forgets he's a blue-collar guy doing God's work.
11/11/2009
04:13
The Colbert Report
S5
Tip/Wag - San Francisco Chronicle & George Clinton
The San Francisco Chronicle prints on glossy paper, and the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rules in favor of George Clinton.
11/11/2009
01:26
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's Head
Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
11/12/2009
03:46
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - The Money Shot
If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
11/12/2009
01:24
The Colbert Report
S5
Miracle Whip Buys Ad Space
Stephen is going to buy more delicious mayonnaise with the money from Miracle Whip's advertising.
11/12/2009
04:07
The Colbert Report
S5
Sport Report - Cricket Scandal & Letter-Writing Campaign
A cricket coach encourages his players to have sex before matches, and Stephen starts his Canadian "Don't Be an Ice-Hole" letter-writing campaign.
11/12/2009
06:01
The Colbert Report
S5
Woody Harrelson
Woody Harrelson shows his support for the troops by allowing Stephen to shave his head.
11/12/2009
02:24
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' Audience
In punditry, like in "Highlander," there can be only one Lou Dobbs, so Stephen claims his audience after Dobbs quits CNN.
11/12/2009
03:32
The Colbert Report
S5
Alpha Dog of the Week - Joe Perry
Joe Perry has always been the face of Aerosmith -- you just might not know it because his hair is often in the way.
11/16/2009
00:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/16/09
Aerosmith breaks up to pursue separate nursing homes, and Paul Goldberger discusses Stephen's favorite architect, Mike Brady.
11/16/2009
05:49
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - Skeletons in the Closet
How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
11/16/2009
00:19
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Good Morning, Burma
Stephen says good morning to anybody watching from Burma, and congratulations on owning a TV.
11/16/2009
03:07
The Colbert Report
S5
Obama Bows to Japanese Emperor
President Obama brings great shame upon America by taking a deep bow to the emperor of Japan.
11/16/2009
06:30
The Colbert Report
S5
Paul Goldberger
Paul Goldberger says buildings bring out our emotions and are part of our most profound memories.
11/16/2009
07:09
The Colbert Report
S5
Kid Gloves - Marc Kielburger
Marc Kielburger attempts to break the cycle of poverty by taking kids out of child labor and putting them in school.
11/17/2009
00:02
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Goodnight
That's it for The Report, everybody.
11/17/2009
06:21
The Colbert Report
S5
Better Know a District - California's 12th - Jackie Speier
Representative Jackie Speier defends gay rights and shoots a viral skateboarding video for YouTube with Stephen.
11/17/2009
00:33
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/17/09
Congress cracks down on child labor, Stephen profiles California's 12th district, and Malcolm Gladwell talks about his new book.
11/17/2009
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Cursed Friends
This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022