The Colbert Report
Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' Audience
Season 5 • 11/12/2009
Stephen claims Lou Dobbs' audience and opinions after he quits CNN.
The Colbert ReportS5 Christopher Caldwell
Christopher Caldwell says unassimilated Muslim immigrants have disrupted European relations between ethnic groups and the sexes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Grover the Hill
America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.
The Colbert ReportS5 Goldman Sachs Does God's Work
Despite collecting the highest salary on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein never forgets he's a blue-collar guy doing God's work.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tip/Wag - San Francisco Chronicle & George Clinton
The San Francisco Chronicle prints on glossy paper, and the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rules in favor of George Clinton.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's Head
Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 11/12/09
Stephen discusses the national ammunition shortage and talks to Woody Harrelson about his military movie.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - The Money Shot
If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
The Colbert ReportS5 Miracle Whip Buys Ad Space
Stephen is going to buy more delicious mayonnaise with the money from Miracle Whip's advertising.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sport Report - Cricket Scandal & Letter-Writing Campaign
A cricket coach encourages his players to have sex before matches, and Stephen starts his Canadian "Don't Be an Ice-Hole" letter-writing campaign.
The Colbert ReportS5 Woody Harrelson
Woody Harrelson shows his support for the troops by allowing Stephen to shave his head.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' Audience
In punditry, like in "Highlander," there can be only one Lou Dobbs, so Stephen claims his audience after Dobbs quits CNN.
The Colbert ReportS5 Alpha Dog of the Week - Joe Perry
Joe Perry has always been the face of Aerosmith -- you just might not know it because his hair is often in the way.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 11/16/09
Aerosmith breaks up to pursue separate nursing homes, and Paul Goldberger discusses Stephen's favorite architect, Mike Brady.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Skeletons in the Closet
How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Good Morning, Burma
Stephen says good morning to anybody watching from Burma, and congratulations on owning a TV.
The Colbert ReportS5 Obama Bows to Japanese Emperor
President Obama brings great shame upon America by taking a deep bow to the emperor of Japan.
The Colbert ReportS5 Paul Goldberger
Paul Goldberger says buildings bring out our emotions and are part of our most profound memories.
The Colbert ReportS5 Kid Gloves - Marc Kielburger
Marc Kielburger attempts to break the cycle of poverty by taking kids out of child labor and putting them in school.
The Colbert ReportS5 Exclusive - Better Know a District - California's 12th - Jackie Speier Pt. 2
Stephen asks Congresswoman Jackie Speier about the large number of Tongans residing in her district.
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