The Colbert Report

Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' Audience

Season 5 • 11/12/2009

Stephen claims Lou Dobbs' audience and opinions after he quits CNN.

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00:17

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Stephen's Fight With Christopher Caldwell

The show went well except for the violent fistfight Stephen had with Christopher Caldwell that had to be edited out.
11/11/2009
06:22

The Colbert ReportS5
Christopher Caldwell

Christopher Caldwell says unassimilated Muslim immigrants have disrupted European relations between ethnic groups and the sexes.
11/11/2009
05:23

The Colbert ReportS5
Grover the Hill

America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.
11/11/2009
02:39

The Colbert ReportS5
Goldman Sachs Does God's Work

Despite collecting the highest salary on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein never forgets he's a blue-collar guy doing God's work.
11/11/2009
04:13

The Colbert ReportS5
Tip/Wag - San Francisco Chronicle & George Clinton

The San Francisco Chronicle prints on glossy paper, and the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rules in favor of George Clinton.
11/11/2009
01:26

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's Head

Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
11/12/2009
03:46

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - The Money Shot

If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
11/12/2009
01:24

The Colbert ReportS5
Miracle Whip Buys Ad Space

Stephen is going to buy more delicious mayonnaise with the money from Miracle Whip's advertising.
11/12/2009
04:07

The Colbert ReportS5
Sport Report - Cricket Scandal & Letter-Writing Campaign

A cricket coach encourages his players to have sex before matches, and Stephen starts his Canadian "Don't Be an Ice-Hole" letter-writing campaign.
11/12/2009
06:01

The Colbert ReportS5
Woody Harrelson

Woody Harrelson shows his support for the troops by allowing Stephen to shave his head.
11/12/2009
02:24

The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' Audience

In punditry, like in "Highlander," there can be only one Lou Dobbs, so Stephen claims his audience after Dobbs quits CNN.
11/12/2009
03:32

The Colbert ReportS5
Alpha Dog of the Week - Joe Perry

Joe Perry has always been the face of Aerosmith -- you just might not know it because his hair is often in the way.
11/16/2009
00:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 11/16/09

Aerosmith breaks up to pursue separate nursing homes, and Paul Goldberger discusses Stephen's favorite architect, Mike Brady.
11/16/2009
05:49

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Skeletons in the Closet

How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
11/16/2009
00:19

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Good Morning, Burma

Stephen says good morning to anybody watching from Burma, and congratulations on owning a TV.
11/16/2009
03:07

The Colbert ReportS5
Obama Bows to Japanese Emperor

President Obama brings great shame upon America by taking a deep bow to the emperor of Japan.
11/16/2009
06:30

The Colbert ReportS5
Paul Goldberger

Paul Goldberger says buildings bring out our emotions and are part of our most profound memories.
11/16/2009
07:09

The Colbert ReportS5
Kid Gloves - Marc Kielburger

Marc Kielburger attempts to break the cycle of poverty by taking kids out of child labor and putting them in school.
11/17/2009
00:02

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Goodnight

That's it for The Report, everybody.
11/17/2009
06:21

The Colbert ReportS5
Better Know a District - California's 12th - Jackie Speier

Representative Jackie Speier defends gay rights and shoots a viral skateboarding video for YouTube with Stephen.
11/17/2009
00:33

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 11/17/09

Congress cracks down on child labor, Stephen profiles California's 12th district, and Malcolm Gladwell talks about his new book.
11/17/2009
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