The Colbert Report

Emergency Evacuation Plan

Season 1 • 11/01/2005

Phase one of The Colbert Report Evacuation Plan: Save Stephen.

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02:21

Patrick Fitzgerald's Press Conference
The Colbert ReportS1

Nobody in the press got good answers out of Patrick Fitzgerald because they didn't use the right tactics.
10/31/2005
01:08

Criminal Intent
The Colbert ReportS1

Over the weekend there was quite a bit of shocking news in the legal world -- of "Law & Order: Criminal Intent."
10/31/2005
06:11

Monica Crowley
The Colbert ReportS1

Monica Crowley bears no relation to Alistair Crowley, the founder of modern Satanism, though Stephen could imagine a resemblance if she shaved her head and held a goat skull.
10/31/2005
03:51

The Word - Alito
The Colbert ReportS1

Samuel Alito believes that a woman should have to tell her husband she's having an abortion, even if he's bearing arms -- which, constitutionally, could include machine guns.
10/31/2005
03:12

Stephen Settles the Debate - Ramadan or Halloween?
The Colbert ReportS1

Ramadan and Halloween are both important holidays that involve ritual and tradition -- which one wins?
10/31/2005
00:36

Intro - 10/31/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Coming up, Patrick Fitzgerald tears the country apart, President Bush appoints another Catholic Supreme Court nominee and how to cope with Halloween if you're a Muslim.
10/31/2005
03:38

The Word - Camilla-Mania
The Colbert ReportS1

A return to pageantry and glamour, and Milla is bringing the goods.
11/01/2005
04:29

Formidable Opponent - Charity
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen turns to the only man with the balls to go to the mat on the charity issue -- himself.
11/01/2005
06:54

Ken Burns
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen asks Ken Burns why nobody is doing a documentary about his show.
11/01/2005
00:31

Intro - 11/1/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen talks to documentarian Ken Burns, while Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles begin their tour of America.
11/01/2005
04:58

Emergency Evacuation Plan
The Colbert ReportS1

If we've learned anything from all the hurricanes, earthquakes, terrorist attacks and pending fatwas -- you need to be prepared for an emergency
11/01/2005
02:09

Fatwa
The Colbert ReportS1

There is a death warrant out for Stephen Colbert because he said Halloween is a better holiday than Ramadan.
11/02/2005
07:01

Bruce Feiler
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Bruce Feiler has walked the Bible and believes that God was born in Iraq.
11/02/2005
00:08

Fract - Civil War
The Colbert ReportS1

How many Civil Wars has America fought?
11/02/2005
02:58

The Word - Cat
The Colbert ReportS1

A new radio station plays music for lonely house-bound pets, prompting Stephen to question if we, as a society, over-pamper our animals.
11/02/2005
02:23

The War on Wal-Mart
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen called the war on Wal-Mart before The New York Times did.
11/02/2005
02:16

C-Span Coverage
The Colbert ReportS1

C-Span 2 had some very alternative coverage during the Senate's closed-door session, and The New York Times has never heard of "truthiness."
11/02/2005
02:14

Lieber - One Testicle
The Colbert ReportS1

Russ Lieber leaves Stephen a voicemail with the story of why he has one testicle.
11/02/2005
00:30

Intro - 11/2/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Tonight's episode features dancing with dogs, biblical scholar/food writer Bruce Feiler, Wal-Mart's deadly secret and cross words for The New York Times.
11/02/2005
00:09

Fract - Karl Marx
The Colbert ReportS1

Karl Marx wasn't so smart. He spelled "Capital" with a "K"!
11/03/2005
05:15

Bradley Whitford
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen Colbert gushes over "The West Wing," a show that's destroying America.
11/03/2005
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