The Colbert Report
The Word - Whatever
Season 2 • 01/11/2006
Unless a judge is an activist, he just sits there, staring off into space, like a koala bear.
The Colbert ReportS2 Carl Bernstein
Stephen speaks with Carl Bernstein about what Bush and Nixon have in common and points out that a strong president is better than an honest president.
The Colbert ReportS2 The In-Box - Taking a Bullet
Stephen attributes his ability to take a bullet from Conan O'Brien to the inspirational way Ronald Reagan got shot and shook it off.
The Colbert ReportS2 The Word - Sleeper Cell
Stephen feels that it's our duty to stop the sexagaterrorist baby boomers from destroying our way of life.
The Colbert ReportS2 Balls for Kidz - Bear Hunting
In response to a letter questioning his bear-hatred, Stephen has some expert hunters tell a group of kids how and why to hunt bears.
The Colbert ReportS2 Intro - 1/11/06
Stephen looks at Samuel Alito's confirmation hearings, sits down with "20/20"'s John Stossel, and compares Freddy Krueger and the Mars rover.
The Colbert ReportS2 Fract - Colbert Trivia
John Tyler had fifteen children but Stephen has fifteen million children.
The Colbert ReportS2 Colbert Report Consumer Alert
Stephen is shocked by Chest Magazine's claim that cough syrup doesn't really work.
The Colbert ReportS2 Alito Haters
Stephen proves that, contrary to media criticism, Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito is an exciting and hilarious man.
The Colbert ReportS2 Sign Off - Future Money
Stephen adds a piggy bank to his bookshelf and puts in a dollar for the children's future. He tells them to smash it open in 2050 and trade the dollars for the new currency.
The Colbert ReportS2 ThreatDown - Fathers and Sons
Stephen sounds the warning on dads who let their kids hang out in war zones, breeding robots, bears that aren't really hibernating and the Associated Press.
The Colbert ReportS2 The Word - Whatever
What Samuel Alito said in the past shouldn't have anything to do with the present or future.
The Colbert ReportS2 John Stossel
John Stossel tells Stephen what's wrong with the education system and Stephen tells John what a freedom-tarian is.
The Colbert ReportS2 Better Know a District - New Jersey's 9th - Steven Rothman
Congressman Steve Rothman talks about New Jersey, the war in Iraq and what date movie he'd see with Stephen.
The Colbert ReportS2 Intro - 1/12/06
Stephen will ask evolution expert Kenneth Miller about the Lord, Congressman Steve Rothman defends New Jersey and the Miss America Pageant gets back to its roots.
The Colbert ReportS2 The Oscars
Stephen congratulates Jon Stewart for being asked to host the Oscars, but suggests the Academy reconsider and go with a CGI version of Bob Hope.
The Colbert ReportS2 The Word - Double-Stick Tape
With the Miss America Competition reincorporating the word "Pageant" into its title, Stephen urges the rest of the world to have a little more zazz.
The Colbert ReportS2 Fract - Frnap: Monarchy
Some governments are so not evolved, it's like they have a monarchy.
The Colbert ReportS2 Michael Adams' Apology
Stephen gets Michael Adams to apologize for not giving him credit for "truthiness."
The Colbert ReportS2 Kenneth Miller
Kenneth Miller talks about evolution, what's so clever about God, the flu and what he likes to call the "Steve Martin Theory of Evolution."
The Colbert ReportS2 Martin Luther King Jr. Day
Martin Luther King Jr. Day is the perfect opportunity for Stephen to fire back at the privacy Gestapo.
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