The Colbert Report
Sign Off - Welcome Zoe Simone Sanchez
Season 7 • 03/08/2011
Stephen asks Zoe Simone Sanchez to let her mom come back to work.
Joshua FoerThe Colbert ReportS7
Joshua Foer explains that having a European coach was like bringing a gun to a knife fight at the U.S. Memory Championship.
Art Stephen Up Challenge - Bid on Stephen's PortraitThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen invites average Americans with giant sacks of cash to bid on his portrait and unveils the latest no-prize-winning entry.
America's Next GOP ModelThe Colbert ReportS7
Every American will sort of remember where they were when Newt Gingrich almost said he might be running for president.
Stephen Wants an iPad 2The Colbert ReportS7
Stephen would be the appiest man in the world if Apple gave him an iPad 2 and a panini press.
Intro - 3/7/11The Colbert ReportS7
Stephen reveals the first Republican to enter the presidential race, looks at Obama's past, and asks Joshua Foer where he put his car keys.
Light Bulb Ban - Dale BrykThe Colbert ReportS7
Dale Bryk says the new and improved incandescent light bulbs use less energy and will put a dent in the deficit.
Dan SinkerThe Colbert ReportS7
Dan Sinker questions the sanity of anyone who actually thought he was Rahm Emanuel on Twitter.
Happy Mardi Gras & International Women's DayThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen celebrates women's regrettable self-exposure and their achievements on Mardi Gras Day.
Charlie Sheen & Fake Rahm Emanuel on TwitterThe Colbert ReportS7
Charlie Sheen gets a new gig as Twitter overlord, and the fake Rahm Emanuel is unmasked.
Light Bulb BanThe Colbert ReportS7
The socket huggers claim that pigtail bulbs last up to 10 years, but they haven't considered how the efficient lights will affect the joke-telling industry.
Sign Off - Welcome Zoe Simone SanchezThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen is sure Zoe Simone Sanchez is wearing a limited edition Vera Wang onesie.
Bench Press - Anthony WeinerThe Colbert ReportS7
Anthony Weiner wants to ensure that the Supreme Court upholds a standard of ethics by asking Clarence Thomas to recuse himself from health care cases.
Intro - 3/9/11The Colbert ReportS7
Clarence Thomas may have a conflict of interest, and Stephen hopes David Brooks' book, "The Social Animal," is about a hamster on Facebook.
David BrooksThe Colbert ReportS7
David Brooks describes the way unconscious emotions affect people's decisions and values.
Stephen Gives Up Catholicism for LentThe Colbert ReportS7
Giving up Catholicism for Lent shows Stephen's devotion to the great religion that he no longer practices.
Bench PressThe Colbert ReportS7
If every Supreme Court justice had to recuse themselves over a conflict of interest, we would never see John Roberts' NASCAR robe.
Sign Off - Jewish StephenThe Colbert ReportS7
Now that Stephen is Jewish, he is legally obligated to tell you to call your mother.
Sign Off - Enjoy the MomentThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen wants everyone to take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.
Newt Gingrich Wants to Screw AmericaThe Colbert ReportS7
Newt Gingrich only cheated on his wives because he's so passionate about America.
Colbert PAC AdThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen launches ColbertPAC.com with his very own high-budget promotional video.
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