The Colbert Report

Queen Noor's Royal Treatment

Season 5 • 04/07/2009

Stephen will put on surgical gloves before he touches Queen Noor.

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04:42

Obama's European Trip - Tom Brokaw
The Colbert ReportS5

Tom Brokaw believes Barack Obama appeared very presidential at the G20 Summit.
04/06/2009
02:28

Un-American News - Rest of the World
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen loves Barack Obama, at least until he returns to the United States.
04/06/2009
00:15

Make Lemonade
The Colbert ReportS5

If life gives you lemons, water, sugar and ice, make lemonade.
04/06/2009
03:14

Body Loss
The Colbert ReportS5

Getting paid for missing body parts is too tempting for Americans.
04/06/2009
00:15

Rich Lowry
The Colbert ReportS5

Rich Lowry wants Republican principles to stay the same, but the application to change.
04/06/2009
00:15

Hiccup-Free
The Colbert ReportS5

The Colbert Report is no longer hiccup-free.
04/07/2009
04:55

The Word - Morally Bankrupt
The Colbert ReportS5

TV has so little societal value that Bill Gates is willing to pay to provide the most cursory positive messages.
04/07/2009
07:02

Better Know a District - New York's 25th - Dan Maffei
The Colbert ReportS5

Congressman Dan Maffei's "evil twin" tells Stephen why he loves cocaine and the company of prostitutes.
04/07/2009
06:21

Queen Noor
The Colbert ReportS5

Queen Noor will only knight Stephen after he signs the Global Zero declaration.
04/07/2009
00:35

Intro - 4/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Are TV networks desperate for revenue? Find out more on an all-new episode of "How I Met Your Pepsi."
04/07/2009
01:20

Queen Noor's Royal Treatment
The Colbert ReportS5

To make sure Stephen doesn't violate any royalty protocol, he's going to wear surgical gloves.
04/07/2009
03:14

Birkat Hachama - Stephen Frees His Jews
The Colbert ReportS5

Birkat Hachama marks the time for Stephen to free his Jews.
04/08/2009
00:14

Electronic Edition
The Colbert ReportS5

Far too many of you still get the show delivered on paper.
04/08/2009
00:33

Intro - 4/8/09
The Colbert ReportS5

An update on Stephen's trip to the Persian Gulf, and Phil Bronstein discusses the death of newspapers.
04/08/2009
06:51

Phil Bronstein
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen asks Phil Bronstein if the death of newspapers and journalistic oversight will begin a golden age of corruption.
04/08/2009
05:43

Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Bahrain
The Colbert ReportS5

The military asked Stephen to adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" policy for his trip, which is hard because he's Dubai-curious.
04/08/2009
03:13

Alpha Dog of the Week - Ted Stevens
The Colbert ReportS5

Ted Stevens seeks justice for others, as long as those others are him.
04/08/2009
04:42

The Enemy Within - Hedgehogs
The Colbert ReportS5

Hedgehogs were illegal in Kansas until one obsessed 10-year-old played the cute card.
04/09/2009
00:24

Stephen's Severed Head
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen earns 2,634 weeks of workers' comp for severing his head.
04/09/2009
06:30

Bart Ehrman
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen discusses Bart Ehrman's theory that the Bible contradicts itself.
04/09/2009
02:19

Workers' Comp Temptation
The Colbert ReportS5

The New York Times' worker's compensation chart for severed limbs continues to tempt Stephen.
04/09/2009
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