The Colbert Report

Sign Off - Future Stephen

Season 5 • 10/28/2009

Stephen calls on his future self to stop him from putting a fork in a toaster.

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00:27

Sign Off - Goodnight?
The Colbert ReportS5

Brian Cox will be on tomorrow, unless this is a rerun.
10/27/2009
00:33

Intro - 10/27/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.
10/27/2009
04:57

Gail Collins
The Colbert ReportS5

Gail Collins describes the last 50 years of progress made by American women and the new issues they face today.
10/27/2009
01:44

George W. Bush's Motivational Speech
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen would have loved to attend George W. Bush's "Get Motivated" seminar, but he couldn't afford the $4.95 admission fee.
10/27/2009
07:28

Holy Water Under the Bridge - Randall Balmer
The Colbert ReportS5

Randall Balmer refuses to join the Catholic Church because he's suspicious of any religious group that defines itself in negative terms.
10/27/2009
00:31

Intro - 10/28/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen finds out what broke the largest particle accelerator and preps for his interview with Brian Cox by watching "Baby Einstein" tapes.
10/28/2009
05:48

The Word - You-Genics
The Colbert ReportS5

Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
10/28/2009
01:31

Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
The Colbert ReportS5

Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
10/28/2009
06:05

Brian Cox
The Colbert ReportS5

Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
10/28/2009
04:12

Big Bang Theory
The Colbert ReportS5

Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
10/28/2009
01:44

Sign Off - Future Stephen
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
10/28/2009
01:52

USA Today Slams Dirigibles
The Colbert ReportS5

The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
10/29/2009
00:14

Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash
The Colbert ReportS5

Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
10/29/2009
05:13

Bill Simmons
The Colbert ReportS5

Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
10/29/2009
00:30

Intro - 10/29/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
10/29/2009
06:37

We Got the Beating - Rosanne Cash
The Colbert ReportS5

Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
10/29/2009
05:12

ThreatDown - Halloween Edition
The Colbert ReportS5

Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
10/29/2009
00:23

Intro - 11/2/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
11/02/2009
03:20

Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold Schwarzenegger
The Colbert ReportS5

Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
11/02/2009
01:43

Used Karzai
The Colbert ReportS5

Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
11/02/2009
05:32

Nicholas Thompson
The Colbert ReportS5

Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
11/02/2009
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