The Colbert Report
Sign Off - Future Stephen
Season 5 • 10/28/2009
Stephen calls on his future self to stop him from putting a fork in a toaster.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Goodnight?
Brian Cox will be on tomorrow, unless this is a rerun.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 10/27/09
The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.
The Colbert ReportS5 Gail Collins
Gail Collins describes the last 50 years of progress made by American women and the new issues they face today.
The Colbert ReportS5 George W. Bush's Motivational Speech
Stephen would have loved to attend George W. Bush's "Get Motivated" seminar, but he couldn't afford the $4.95 admission fee.
The Colbert ReportS5 Holy Water Under the Bridge - Randall Balmer
Randall Balmer refuses to join the Catholic Church because he's suspicious of any religious group that defines itself in negative terms.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 10/28/09
Stephen finds out what broke the largest particle accelerator and preps for his interview with Brian Cox by watching "Baby Einstein" tapes.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - You-Genics
Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
The Colbert ReportS5 Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
The Colbert ReportS5 Brian Cox
Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
The Colbert ReportS5 Big Bang Theory
Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Future Stephen
Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
The Colbert ReportS5 USA Today Slams Dirigibles
The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash
Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
The Colbert ReportS5 Bill Simmons
Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 10/29/09
Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
The Colbert ReportS5 We Got the Beating - Rosanne Cash
Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
The Colbert ReportS5 ThreatDown - Halloween Edition
Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 11/2/09
Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
The Colbert ReportS5 Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
The Colbert ReportS5 Used Karzai
Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
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