The Colbert Report
No Animals Were Harmed
Season 5 E 57 • 04/28/2009
No animals were harmed, but after the credits roll, all bets are off.

Watching

06:58
The Colbert ReportS5 E56
Shout Out - Kids Edition
Stephen promises never to eat Ewok, provides some child-safe Nazi footage and raises the competition on donorschoose.org.
04/27/2009
03:36
The Colbert ReportS5 E56
The Decemberists
Colin Meloy describes The Decemberists' latest album by listing influences Stephen's never heard of.
04/27/2009
01:43
The Colbert ReportS5 E56
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Fir Tree Lung
Christmas trees are supposed to warm the cockles of our hearts, not infest the alveoli of our lungs.
04/27/2009
00:31
The Colbert ReportS5 E56
Intro - 4/27/09
Swine flu rages, and The Decemberists stop by and officially sell out.
04/27/2009
02:11
The Colbert ReportS5 E56
A Rare Correction - Stephen Eats an Ewok
Stephen wasn't completely honest when he said he'd never eat an Ewok.
04/27/2009
04:15
The Colbert ReportS5 E57
Daniel Gross
Daniel Gross urges rich cable TV personalities to buy steaks, cigars and whiskey.
04/28/2009
01:36
The Colbert ReportS5 E57
Arlen Specter Contracts Donkey Flu
Republicans tried to fight off donkey flu, but their white cells weren't strong enough.
04/28/2009
00:33
The Colbert ReportS5 E57
Intro - 4/28/09
Stephen learns what it takes to be a foreign correspondent, besides a pad, a pencil and an anti-American bias, and drinks are on Daniel Gross.
04/28/2009
02:30
The Colbert ReportS5 E57
Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Correspondents
After taking into consideration his American hero and United Airlines platinum member status, Stephen is going to the Persian Gulf, third and third-most, as a journalist.
04/28/2009
05:10
The Colbert ReportS5 E57
Foreign Reporting - Richard Engel
Richard Engel shares with Stephen the customary tip for a soldier who saves your life.
04/28/2009
00:12
The Colbert ReportS5 E57
No Animals Were Harmed
No animals were harmed, but after the credits roll, all bets are off.
04/28/2009
00:30
The Colbert ReportS5 E58
Intro - 4/29/09
The nation may have an education problem, and David Kessler thinks Americans eat too much, which means he must have eyes.
04/29/2009
00:14
The Colbert ReportS5 E58
Feet Teeth
Don't forget to brush your teeth, including your feet teeth.
04/29/2009
04:51
The Colbert ReportS5 E58
Enemy Swine: A Pigcalypse Now
Stephen calms everyone down with his advice on swine flu.
04/29/2009
05:08
The Colbert ReportS5 E58
David Kessler
David Kessler wants to save lives by getting Americans to eat less.
04/29/2009
06:33
The Colbert ReportS5 E58
I's On Edjukashun - Textbooks, AmeriCorps & Strip-Search
Fox News exposes liberal textbooks, AmeriCorps increases its mind control, and a girl is strip-searched for ibuprofen.
04/29/2009
02:01
The Colbert ReportS5 E58
Ahmadinejad Steals Obama's Slogan
Obama should have anticipated that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would copy him and picked a more effective anti-nuclear campaign slogan.
04/29/2009
05:22
The Colbert ReportS5 E59
Ethan Nadelmann
Ethan Nadelmann wants to remove marijuana from the criminal justice system and put it into the taxation and regulation systems.
04/30/2009
08:37
The Colbert ReportS5 E59
President Obama - The First 14 Mondays
The true test of a president: running the country while living Garfield's worst nightmare.
04/30/2009
04:49
The Colbert ReportS5 E59
Obama's First 14 Mondays - Jonathan Alter
Jonathan Alter tells Stephen how Obama's first 14 Mondays stack up against FDR's.
04/30/2009
00:24
The Colbert ReportS5 E59
Intro - 4/30/09
President Obama finally completes his first 100 days, and don't tell Ethan Nadelmann Stephen's wearing a wire.
04/30/2009
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