The Colbert Report
No Animals Were Harmed
Season 5 • 04/28/2009
No animals were harmed during the filming of tonight's episode.
The Colbert ReportS5 Shout Out - Kids Edition
Stephen promises never to eat Ewok, provides some child-safe Nazi footage and raises the competition on donorschoose.org.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Decemberists
Colin Meloy describes The Decemberists' latest album by listing influences Stephen's never heard of.
The Colbert ReportS5 Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Fir Tree Lung
Christmas trees are supposed to warm the cockles of our hearts, not infest the alveoli of our lungs.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/27/09
Swine flu rages, and The Decemberists stop by and officially sell out.
The Colbert ReportS5 A Rare Correction - Stephen Eats an Ewok
Stephen wasn't completely honest when he said he'd never eat an Ewok.
The Colbert ReportS5 Daniel Gross
Daniel Gross urges rich cable TV personalities to buy steaks, cigars and whiskey.
The Colbert ReportS5 Arlen Specter Contracts Donkey Flu
Republicans tried to fight off donkey flu, but their white cells weren't strong enough.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/28/09
Stephen learns what it takes to be a foreign correspondent, besides a pad, a pencil and an anti-American bias, and drinks are on Daniel Gross.
The Colbert ReportS5 Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Correspondents
After taking into consideration his American hero and United Airlines platinum member status, Stephen is going to the Persian Gulf, third and third-most, as a journalist.
The Colbert ReportS5 Foreign Reporting - Richard Engel
Richard Engel shares with Stephen the customary tip for a soldier who saves your life.
The Colbert ReportS5 No Animals Were Harmed
No animals were harmed, but after the credits roll, all bets are off.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 4/29/09
The nation may have an education problem, and David Kessler thinks Americans eat too much, which means he must have eyes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Feet Teeth
Don't forget to brush your teeth, including your feet teeth.
The Colbert ReportS5 Enemy Swine: A Pigcalypse Now
Stephen calms everyone down with his advice on swine flu.
The Colbert ReportS5 David Kessler
David Kessler wants to save lives by getting Americans to eat less.
The Colbert ReportS5 I's On Edjukashun - Textbooks, AmeriCorps & Strip-Search
Fox News exposes liberal textbooks, AmeriCorps increases its mind control, and a girl is strip-searched for ibuprofen.
The Colbert ReportS5 Ahmadinejad Steals Obama's Slogan
Obama should have anticipated that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would copy him and picked a more effective anti-nuclear campaign slogan.
The Colbert ReportS5 Ethan Nadelmann
Ethan Nadelmann wants to remove marijuana from the criminal justice system and put it into the taxation and regulation systems.
The Colbert ReportS5 President Obama - The First 14 Mondays
The true test of a president: running the country while living Garfield's worst nightmare.
The Colbert ReportS5 Obama's First 14 Mondays - Jonathan Alter
Jonathan Alter tells Stephen how Obama's first 14 Mondays stack up against FDR's.
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