The Colbert Report

No Animals Were Harmed

Season 5 • 04/28/2009

No animals were harmed during the filming of tonight's episode.

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06:58

The Colbert ReportS5
Shout Out - Kids Edition

Stephen promises never to eat Ewok, provides some child-safe Nazi footage and raises the competition on donorschoose.org.
04/27/2009
03:36

The Colbert ReportS5
The Decemberists

Colin Meloy describes The Decemberists' latest album by listing influences Stephen's never heard of.
04/27/2009
01:43

The Colbert ReportS5
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Fir Tree Lung

Christmas trees are supposed to warm the cockles of our hearts, not infest the alveoli of our lungs.
04/27/2009
00:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/27/09

Swine flu rages, and The Decemberists stop by and officially sell out.
04/27/2009
02:11

The Colbert ReportS5
A Rare Correction - Stephen Eats an Ewok

Stephen wasn't completely honest when he said he'd never eat an Ewok.
04/27/2009
04:15

The Colbert ReportS5
Daniel Gross

Daniel Gross urges rich cable TV personalities to buy steaks, cigars and whiskey.
04/28/2009
01:36

The Colbert ReportS5
Arlen Specter Contracts Donkey Flu

Republicans tried to fight off donkey flu, but their white cells weren't strong enough.
04/28/2009
00:33

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/28/09

Stephen learns what it takes to be a foreign correspondent, besides a pad, a pencil and an anti-American bias, and drinks are on Daniel Gross.
04/28/2009
02:30

The Colbert ReportS5
Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Correspondents

After taking into consideration his American hero and United Airlines platinum member status, Stephen is going to the Persian Gulf, third and third-most, as a journalist.
04/28/2009
05:10

The Colbert ReportS5
Foreign Reporting - Richard Engel

Richard Engel shares with Stephen the customary tip for a soldier who saves your life.
04/28/2009
00:12

The Colbert ReportS5
No Animals Were Harmed

No animals were harmed, but after the credits roll, all bets are off.
04/28/2009
00:30

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/29/09

The nation may have an education problem, and David Kessler thinks Americans eat too much, which means he must have eyes.
04/29/2009
00:14

The Colbert ReportS5
Feet Teeth

Don't forget to brush your teeth, including your feet teeth.
04/29/2009
04:51

The Colbert ReportS5
Enemy Swine: A Pigcalypse Now

Stephen calms everyone down with his advice on swine flu.
04/29/2009
05:08

The Colbert ReportS5
David Kessler

David Kessler wants to save lives by getting Americans to eat less.
04/29/2009
06:33

The Colbert ReportS5
I's On Edjukashun - Textbooks, AmeriCorps & Strip-Search

Fox News exposes liberal textbooks, AmeriCorps increases its mind control, and a girl is strip-searched for ibuprofen.
04/29/2009
02:01

The Colbert ReportS5
Ahmadinejad Steals Obama's Slogan

Obama should have anticipated that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would copy him and picked a more effective anti-nuclear campaign slogan.
04/29/2009
05:22

The Colbert ReportS5
Ethan Nadelmann

Ethan Nadelmann wants to remove marijuana from the criminal justice system and put it into the taxation and regulation systems.
04/30/2009
08:37

The Colbert ReportS5
President Obama - The First 14 Mondays

The true test of a president: running the country while living Garfield's worst nightmare.
04/30/2009
04:49

The Colbert ReportS5
Obama's First 14 Mondays - Jonathan Alter

Jonathan Alter tells Stephen how Obama's first 14 Mondays stack up against FDR's.
04/30/2009
00:24

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/30/09

President Obama finally completes his first 100 days, and don't tell Ethan Nadelmann Stephen's wearing a wire.
04/30/2009
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