The Colbert Report

No Animals Were Harmed

Season 5 • 04/28/2009

No animals were harmed during the filming of tonight's episode.

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06:58

Shout Out - Kids Edition
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen promises never to eat Ewok, provides some child-safe Nazi footage and raises the competition on donorschoose.org.
04/27/2009
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03:36

The Decemberists
The Colbert ReportS5

Colin Meloy describes The Decemberists' latest album by listing influences Stephen's never heard of.
04/27/2009
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01:43

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Fir Tree Lung
The Colbert ReportS5

Christmas trees are supposed to warm the cockles of our hearts, not infest the alveoli of our lungs.
04/27/2009
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00:31

Intro - 4/27/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Swine flu rages, and The Decemberists stop by and officially sell out.
04/27/2009
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02:11

A Rare Correction - Stephen Eats an Ewok
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wasn't completely honest when he said he'd never eat an Ewok.
04/27/2009
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04:15

Daniel Gross
The Colbert ReportS5

Daniel Gross urges rich cable TV personalities to buy steaks, cigars and whiskey.
04/28/2009
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01:36

Arlen Specter Contracts Donkey Flu
The Colbert ReportS5

Republicans tried to fight off donkey flu, but their white cells weren't strong enough.
04/28/2009
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00:33

Intro - 4/28/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen learns what it takes to be a foreign correspondent, besides a pad, a pencil and an anti-American bias, and drinks are on Daniel Gross.
04/28/2009
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02:30

Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Correspondents
The Colbert ReportS5

After taking into consideration his American hero and United Airlines platinum member status, Stephen is going to the Persian Gulf, third and third-most, as a journalist.
04/28/2009
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05:10

Foreign Reporting - Richard Engel
The Colbert ReportS5

Richard Engel shares with Stephen the customary tip for a soldier who saves your life.
04/28/2009
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00:12

No Animals Were Harmed
The Colbert ReportS5

No animals were harmed, but after the credits roll, all bets are off.
04/28/2009
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00:30

Intro - 4/29/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The nation may have an education problem, and David Kessler thinks Americans eat too much, which means he must have eyes.
04/29/2009
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00:14

Feet Teeth
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't forget to brush your teeth, including your feet teeth.
04/29/2009
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04:51

Enemy Swine: A Pigcalypse Now
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen calms everyone down with his advice on swine flu.
04/29/2009
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05:08

David Kessler
The Colbert ReportS5

David Kessler wants to save lives by getting Americans to eat less.
04/29/2009
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06:33

I's On Edjukashun - Textbooks, AmeriCorps & Strip-Search
The Colbert ReportS5

Fox News exposes liberal textbooks, AmeriCorps increases its mind control, and a girl is strip-searched for ibuprofen.
04/29/2009
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02:01

Ahmadinejad Steals Obama's Slogan
The Colbert ReportS5

Obama should have anticipated that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would copy him and picked a more effective anti-nuclear campaign slogan.
04/29/2009
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05:22

Ethan Nadelmann
The Colbert ReportS5

Ethan Nadelmann wants to remove marijuana from the criminal justice system and put it into the taxation and regulation systems.
04/30/2009
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08:37

President Obama - The First 14 Mondays
The Colbert ReportS5

The true test of a president: running the country while living Garfield's worst nightmare.
04/30/2009
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04:49

Obama's First 14 Mondays - Jonathan Alter
The Colbert ReportS5

Jonathan Alter tells Stephen how Obama's first 14 Mondays stack up against FDR's.
04/30/2009
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00:24

Intro - 4/30/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama finally completes his first 100 days, and don't tell Ethan Nadelmann Stephen's wearing a wire.
04/30/2009
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