The Colbert Report
No Animals Were Harmed
Season 5 • 04/28/2009
No animals were harmed during the filming of tonight's episode.
Shout Out - Kids EditionThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen promises never to eat Ewok, provides some child-safe Nazi footage and raises the competition on donorschoose.org.
The DecemberistsThe Colbert ReportS5
Colin Meloy describes The Decemberists' latest album by listing influences Stephen's never heard of.
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Fir Tree LungThe Colbert ReportS5
Christmas trees are supposed to warm the cockles of our hearts, not infest the alveoli of our lungs.
Intro - 4/27/09The Colbert ReportS5
Swine flu rages, and The Decemberists stop by and officially sell out.
A Rare Correction - Stephen Eats an EwokThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wasn't completely honest when he said he'd never eat an Ewok.
Daniel GrossThe Colbert ReportS5
Daniel Gross urges rich cable TV personalities to buy steaks, cigars and whiskey.
Arlen Specter Contracts Donkey FluThe Colbert ReportS5
Republicans tried to fight off donkey flu, but their white cells weren't strong enough.
Intro - 4/28/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen learns what it takes to be a foreign correspondent, besides a pad, a pencil and an anti-American bias, and drinks are on Daniel Gross.
Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - CorrespondentsThe Colbert ReportS5
After taking into consideration his American hero and United Airlines platinum member status, Stephen is going to the Persian Gulf, third and third-most, as a journalist.
Foreign Reporting - Richard EngelThe Colbert ReportS5
Richard Engel shares with Stephen the customary tip for a soldier who saves your life.
No Animals Were HarmedThe Colbert ReportS5
No animals were harmed, but after the credits roll, all bets are off.
Intro - 4/29/09The Colbert ReportS5
The nation may have an education problem, and David Kessler thinks Americans eat too much, which means he must have eyes.
Feet TeethThe Colbert ReportS5
Don't forget to brush your teeth, including your feet teeth.
Enemy Swine: A Pigcalypse NowThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen calms everyone down with his advice on swine flu.
David KesslerThe Colbert ReportS5
David Kessler wants to save lives by getting Americans to eat less.
I's On Edjukashun - Textbooks, AmeriCorps & Strip-SearchThe Colbert ReportS5
Fox News exposes liberal textbooks, AmeriCorps increases its mind control, and a girl is strip-searched for ibuprofen.
Ahmadinejad Steals Obama's SloganThe Colbert ReportS5
Obama should have anticipated that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would copy him and picked a more effective anti-nuclear campaign slogan.
Ethan NadelmannThe Colbert ReportS5
Ethan Nadelmann wants to remove marijuana from the criminal justice system and put it into the taxation and regulation systems.
President Obama - The First 14 MondaysThe Colbert ReportS5
The true test of a president: running the country while living Garfield's worst nightmare.
Obama's First 14 Mondays - Jonathan AlterThe Colbert ReportS5
Jonathan Alter tells Stephen how Obama's first 14 Mondays stack up against FDR's.
You may also like5 Videos
Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack
A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed FriendsCursed Friends
Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
Out of Office Explores Remote Work AbsurdityOut of Office
A young woman experiences the bizarre extremes of working from home in the film Out of Office, starring Milana Vayntrub, Ken Jeong, Jay Pharoah, Cheri Oteri, Jason Alexander and more.
A Front Row Seat to South Park The 25th Anniversary ConcertSouth ParkS25
Sing along to silly songs and classic symphonies from the show on South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert, premiering August 13 at 10/9c.