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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Janet Napolitano
Season 5 • 12/03/2009
Janet Napolitano talks about the White House party crashers, immigration and America's terror threat.
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Watching
06:39
Deployment Figures
The Colbert Report
S5
President Obama's speech to send 30,000 troops to Afghanistan was missing passion and a certain word.
12/02/2009
06:53
Cheating Death - R.J. Reynolds, Genzyme & Bionic Bottom
The Colbert Report
S5
R.J. Reynolds hopes to make money off of quit-smoking aids, Genzyme pills contain trash, and a man regulates his bowel movements via remote control.
12/02/2009
00:34
Intro - 12/2/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Barack Obama sends 30,000 troops into Afghanistan, and Craig Watkins overturns old convictions with DNA evidence.
12/02/2009
06:11
Craig Watkins
The Colbert Report
S5
Craig Watkins tries to bring back credibility to the criminal justice system by overturning wrongful convictions.
12/02/2009
00:03
Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for the show, everybody.
12/02/2009
00:31
Intro - 12/3/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Tiger Woods says he's sorry, Stephen has Olympic fever, and Janet Napolitano isn't securing the homeland.
12/03/2009
02:34
Tiger's Tale
The Colbert Report
S5
Tiger Woods didn't realize that cheating is a sacred institution between one man, one woman and one other woman.
12/03/2009
05:26
Skate Expectations - Skeleton Team Tryouts - Zach Lund
The Colbert Report
S5
Zach Lund gives Stephen the history of skeleton racing before helping him try out for the Olympic team.
12/03/2009
00:25
Sign Off - Welcome Sean Julien
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen welcomes the newest member of the Colbert Nation, Sean Julien.
12/03/2009
04:30
Skate Expectations - Skeleton Team Tryouts
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen isn't attending the Vancouver Olympics just to ombud -- he's going as a member of the U.S. Olympic team.
12/03/2009
06:04
Janet Napolitano
The Colbert Report
S5
Janet Napolitano discusses America's border security and explains why she doesn't believe in the color-coded terror alert level.
12/03/2009
04:39
Tip/Wag - Jonas Brothers, Fox News & Japanese Burger King
The Colbert Report
S5
The Jonas Brothers promote the Xbox 360, Fox News enforces a new accuracy pledge, and Japanese Burger Kings sell a Windows 7 Whopper.
12/07/2009
02:05
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Tongue-Eating Parasite
The Colbert Report
S5
Scientists discover a parasitic fish off the coast of New Jersey that survives by eating and replacing the host's tongue.
12/07/2009
04:49
Bill T. Jones
The Colbert Report
S5
Bill T. Jones describes how Fela Kuti fought against the Nigerian government with his music.
12/07/2009
00:35
Intro - 12/7/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen inflates his neck pouch to scare off predators and wonders what Disney movie "Fela!" is based on.
12/07/2009
03:04
Who's Attacking Me Now? - G. Edward DeSeve
The Colbert Report
S5
Stefan Colburt will fight G. Edward DeSeve anywhere in America, like Rhode Island's 65th District.
12/07/2009
05:02
Fed's Dead - Bernie Sanders
The Colbert Report
S5
Bernie Sanders doesn't want the government to run everything, but he calls for a fairer distribution of wealth and income.
12/08/2009
07:18
Andy Schlafly
The Colbert Report
S5
Andy Schlafly invites the best of the public to translate the Bible on Conservapedia.
12/08/2009
00:31
Intro - 12/8/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Ben Bernanke may lose his job, and Andy Schlafly creates a conservative version of Wikipedia.
12/08/2009
00:02
Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for the show, everybody.
12/08/2009
05:32
Fed's Dead
The Colbert Report
S5
People like Bernie Sanders want to pull down the Federal Reserve's pantaloons to look at its fiscal naughty parts.
12/08/2009
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