The Colbert Report
Intro - 6/13/07
Season 3 • 06/13/2007
Surprising news about a 5,000-year old caveman -- he has doubts about that new caveman sitcom, too.
Mr. Dyachenko, Tear Down This WatermelonThe Colbert ReportS3
Once wasn't enough -- Stephen pays additional tribute to the 20th anniversary of Reagan's "Tear Down This Wall" speech, with the help of karate champion Igor Dyachenko.
Intro - 6/12/07The Colbert ReportS3
The 20th anniversary of Reagan's "Tear Down This Wall" speech, a segment for the elite viewer, and a substitute guest for prolific spammer Cornelius Q. Vestibule.
Bush's Missing WatchThe Colbert ReportS3
Rumors are swirling that one of the Albanians in the adoring crowd that met President Bush stole his watch. Stephen doesn't believe it.
Colbert Platinum - Butler ShortageThe Colbert ReportS3
In a new segment aimed exclusively at his top-tier viewers, Stephen explores a troubling worldwide butler shortage.
The Word - PathophysiologyThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen suggests the nation might better fight the gay agenda if it were treated like disease, much like an addiction to cigarettes.
Ron PaulThe Colbert ReportS3
Ron Paul is a constitutionalist and claims Stephen is confused because he hasn't seen one in a while.
Ruined AnniversaryThe Colbert ReportS3
Alan Colmes -- unless that Florida teenager's hiccups brought down the Iron Curtain -- you stay on message!
Sign Off - Crispy DeliciousnessThe Colbert ReportS3
For those of you with TiVo, Stephen included a special coded message in one of the commercials; go back and find it!
Freezing Cold Case Files: OtziThe Colbert ReportS3
Otzi the Iceman -- Stephen will find your killer and if he's also frozen he will thaw him out and fry his ass.
ThreatDown - RobotsThe Colbert ReportS3
Bear-bots are going to turn on us, and our only hope is that the Japanese toddler-bots will grow up in time to fight them.
Intro - 6/13/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen covers a 5,000-year-old caveman, a new surgeon general and a presidential candidate who will talk to him -- Ron Paul.
Anne-Marie SlaughterThe Colbert ReportS3
Anne-Marie Slaughter is the author of "The Idea That Is America" -- Chapter One: Stephen Colbert.
Secret Clapton ConcertThe Colbert ReportS3
A secret Eric Clapton concert in the works? Not anymore, New York Times!
Intro - 6/19/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen sits down with author Anne-Marie Slaughter and asks whether there should be a national eagle day.
Countdown to ArmageddonThe Colbert ReportS3
There is fantastic news out of Jerusalem -- the world is coming to an end.
Sign Off - ManifestoThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen was going to read to the audience, but he's out of time.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Robert BorkThe Colbert ReportS3
It takes a strong man to look at his own written opinions and say it's time for daddy to take a slice.
MaryBeth GarriganThe Colbert ReportS3
A good father will go to any length to regurgitate squirrel meat into his son's waiting mouth.
The Word - JusticeThe Colbert ReportS3
Every day another group of human rights supremacists takes another tool out of our terror-fighting workbench.
Intro - 6/20/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen discusses e-mail etiquette with Will Schwalbe and a federal appeals court says the president can't indefinitely detain enemies.
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