The Colbert Report
Bush's Missing Watch
Season 3 • 06/12/2007
Rumors are swirling that an adoring Albanian stole President Bush's watch.
Commencement SpeechesThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen spoke at Knox College commencement last year and was given an honorary doctorate. He swore that if Bill Clinton spoke there this year, he'd burn the degree on the air.
The Word - Easy AThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen doesn't expect to get any awards for saying it, but he agrees with President Bush that no child should be left behind.
Intro - 6/11/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen gives America's education system an "A," President Bush is greeted as a liberator in Albania, and guest Michael Gershon believes there's a brain in the gut.
Mr. Dyachenko, Tear Down This WallThe Colbert ReportS3
On the date of the 20th anniversary of Reagan's "Tear Down This Wall" speech, Stephen prepares a historical reenactment with the help of a karate champion.
Mr. Dyachenko, Tear Me Off a Piece of This CakeThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen once again calls upon karate champion Igor Dyachenko to tear something -- this time a piece of cake.
Tommy Chong, CommentatorThe Colbert ReportS3
In the swirling media coverage surrounding Paris Hilton's latest arrest, one man's thoughts stayed high above the fray on cable news -- Tommy Chong's.
Josh WolfThe Colbert ReportS3
Blogger Josh Wolf served prison time for withholding videotapes of an anarchist protest from authorities, so Stephen is sending a copy of their interview straight to the Feds.
Mr. Dyachenko, Tear Down This WatermelonThe Colbert ReportS3
Once wasn't enough -- Stephen pays additional tribute to the 20th anniversary of Reagan's "Tear Down This Wall" speech, with the help of karate champion Igor Dyachenko.
Intro - 6/12/07The Colbert ReportS3
The 20th anniversary of Reagan's "Tear Down This Wall" speech, a segment for the elite viewer, and a substitute guest for prolific spammer Cornelius Q. Vestibule.
Colbert Platinum - Butler ShortageThe Colbert ReportS3
In a new segment aimed exclusively at his top-tier viewers, Stephen explores a troubling worldwide butler shortage.
Bush's Missing WatchThe Colbert ReportS3
Rumors are swirling that one of the Albanians in the adoring crowd that met President Bush stole his watch. Stephen doesn't believe it.
The Word - PathophysiologyThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen suggests the nation might better fight the gay agenda if it were treated like disease, much like an addiction to cigarettes.
Intro - 6/13/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen covers a 5,000-year-old caveman, a new surgeon general and a presidential candidate who will talk to him -- Ron Paul.
Ron PaulThe Colbert ReportS3
Ron Paul is a constitutionalist and claims Stephen is confused because he hasn't seen one in a while.
Ruined AnniversaryThe Colbert ReportS3
Alan Colmes -- unless that Florida teenager's hiccups brought down the Iron Curtain -- you stay on message!
Sign Off - Crispy DeliciousnessThe Colbert ReportS3
For those of you with TiVo, Stephen included a special coded message in one of the commercials; go back and find it!
Freezing Cold Case Files: OtziThe Colbert ReportS3
Otzi the Iceman -- Stephen will find your killer and if he's also frozen he will thaw him out and fry his ass.
ThreatDown - RobotsThe Colbert ReportS3
Bear-bots are going to turn on us, and our only hope is that the Japanese toddler-bots will grow up in time to fight them.
Anne-Marie SlaughterThe Colbert ReportS3
Anne-Marie Slaughter is the author of "The Idea That Is America" -- Chapter One: Stephen Colbert.
Secret Clapton ConcertThe Colbert ReportS3
A secret Eric Clapton concert in the works? Not anymore, New York Times!
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