The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 05/19/2009
Walter Kirn is anti-meritocracy because the education system doesn't reward depth.
Meghan McCainThe Colbert ReportS5
Meghan McCain loves the Republican Party and wants to save it from the people trying to make it more extreme.
ThreatDown - Charity, Casual Jesus & Robot TeachersThe Colbert ReportS5
The Christian Children's Fund changes its name, Jesus goes casual, and Japan unveils a scary robot teacher.
Intro - 5/18/09The Colbert ReportS5
Evidently, you can't leave prisoners at Gitmo, and the Christian Children's Foundation changes its name.
Sign Off - Internal ClockThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen's internal clock is telling him it's time to go.
Welcome to the Real World, ObamaThe Colbert ReportS5
To join the conservative real world, Obama will need a magical unicorn, a dictionary and proof that global warming doesn't exist.
Rumsfeld's Cover Letter Bible QuotesThe Colbert ReportS5
Rumsfeld put Bible quotes on his cover pages for President Bush because war briefings are a snooze without a little pizzazz.
Intro - 5/19/09The Colbert ReportS5
Republicans find a way to make us love them again, and a Difference Maker stands up to the government.
The Word - I Know You Are But What Am I?The Colbert ReportS5
If the Republicans really want people to go against the Democrats, they'll need a name that instantly turns people off.
Difference Makers - Stephen KeithThe Colbert ReportS5
Government regulation strangles Tombstone, AZ until actor Stephen Keith fires back with fake guns.
Walter KirnThe Colbert ReportS5
Walter Kirn believes that putting Ivy League schools like Princeton on the web would show those attending state schools they're not inferior.
Intro - 5/20/09The Colbert ReportS5
Torture memo author John Yoo gets a newspaper column, and Nancy Pelosi says the CIA lied to her.
Seth ShostakThe Colbert ReportS5
Seth Shostak believes that, unless Earth is a miracle, there is most likely life among the trillion planets.
She Said, CIA Said - Bob GrahamThe Colbert ReportS5
Bob Graham's diary doesn't say anything about the CIA briefing him on waterboarding.
DonorsChoose.org Classroom ProjectsThe Colbert ReportS5
You've already donated over $63,000 to DonorsChoose.org, but there are classroom projects that still need your support.
Extra! Extra! Bleed All About It!The Colbert ReportS5
John Yoo had all the qualifications the Philadelphia Inquirer was looking for, in that they were afraid to tell him no.
Intro - 5/21/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen reveals most of the Indian election results, and Green Day talks about their album, "21st Century Breakdown."
47-Million-Year-Old FossilThe Colbert ReportS5
A newly discovered 47-million-year-old fossil doesn't look anything like Stephen's Aunt Ida.
Green DayThe Colbert ReportS5
Green Day discusses Wal-Mart's censorship and considers covering one of Stephen's patriotic songs.
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