The Colbert Report
Sign Off - United We Lick
Season 3 • 03/14/2007
If only Mama Cass had been alive to taste AmeriCone Dream.
The Colbert ReportS3 Time Travel
Scientists claim that time travel is impossible; Stephen proves them wrong by traveling forward in time.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Goodnight
Tonight's Word is about the only thing Stephen has time for.
The Colbert ReportS3 Donald Shields
Dr. Donald Shields talks about the firing of eight U.S. attorneys. According to Stephen, they should have pleasured the president.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 3/13/07
The firing of eight U.S. attorneys, America's biggest movie and guest Michael Eric Dyson -- tonight on The Report.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sport Report - NCAA
Speaking of non-drug-related euphoria, Stephen is simply mentally unbalanced about March Madness.
The Colbert ReportS3 When Ancestors Attack - Barack Obama
Remember -- John F. Kennedy's presidential chances were almost spoiled when questions were asked about his heritage
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - High Fidelity
Upset you got fired, U.S. Attorneys? That's what unemployment insurance is for.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 3/14/07
Stephen talks to Ed Viesturs about climbing Mount Everest, and Bush draws increasing criticism for trying to install his own people as U.S. Attorneys.
The Colbert ReportS3 Rocky Mountain High
As an avid outdoorsman, Stephen understands that Rocky Mountain High is not about drugs.
The Colbert ReportS3 Ed Viesturs
Ed Viesturs agrees to plant a Colbert Report flag on top of Mount Everest the next time he goes.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - United We Lick
Although Stephen can't enjoy his ice cream until Lent ends, his famous friends can.
The Colbert ReportS3 Ayaan Hirsi Ali
Stephen asks Ayaan Hirsi Ali if fundamentalist Christians should battle fundamentalist Muslims.
The Colbert ReportS3 St. Patrick's Day
St. Patrick's Day can't go on now that geneticists have discovered that the English and the Irish are a single people.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Candy
Stephen plans out a sweet dreamscape for his loyal audience.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 3/15/07
In tonight's episode, Stephen talks to Ayaan Hirsi Ali about fundamentalist Islam, and President Bush returns from his trip to Latin America.
The Colbert ReportS3 Better Know a District - Illinois' 17th - Phil Hare
Stephen takes his vitamin E -- a couple of caplets in the mouth keeps the blood flow going south.
The Colbert ReportS3 Emanuel Attacks Stephen
Congressman Rahm Emanuel tells freshman students to avoid Stephen, and Stephen fights back by offering the congressman a severed finger.
The Colbert ReportS3 Alpha Dog of the Week - Pennies
After getting charged triple the amount of his normal electric bill, Robert Hancock paid the damage in pennies and is thus named Alpha Dog of the Week.
The Colbert ReportS3 Willie Nelson Tomorrow
In anticipation of Willie Nelson's appearance on The Report, Stephen speaks out against Willie Nelson's Country Peach Cobbler ice cream and promotes Americone Dream.
The Colbert ReportS3 Jerome Groopman
Dr. Jerome Groopman discusses "How Doctors Think" and explains that Dr. Gregory House is based on Sherlock Holmes, who was addicted to cocaine, not heroine.
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