The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 03/30/2009
Derrick Pitts could take Neil DeGrasse Tyson in a cage match.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 3/19/09
A new bill would require presidential candidates to produce birth records. Mitt Romney, you can just show your serial number.
The Colbert ReportS5 John McCardell
John McCardell believes the current drinking age law drives alcohol consumption out of public view, putting young people at greater risk.
The Colbert ReportS5 Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele's Response
In accordance with hip-hop's longstanding fairness doctrine, Stephen presents Michael Steele's rap response, remixed on behalf of Michael Steele.
The Colbert ReportS5 Space Module: Colbert - Vote Now
Don't forget to vote for NASA's space node to be named after Stephen.
The Colbert ReportS5 Space Module: Colbert - Democracy in Orbit
Representative Chaka Fattah insists that Stephen won the NASA node-naming contest fair and square.
The Colbert ReportS5 Me Time - Emily Yoffe on Narcissistic Personality Disorder
What's wrong with thinking that you are better than everyone else if it's the truth?
The Colbert ReportS5 30 Minute Applause
Late viewers, just pretend that you applauded for Stephen for 30 minutes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 3/30/09
Is narcissism hurting America? More importantly, how does Stephen's hair look?
The Colbert ReportS5 Me Time - American Narcissism
We need ambition, self-confidence and extreme good looks to rebuild America.
The Colbert ReportS5 Violence in Mexico
Cross border drug traffic and violence could lead to the explosion of Lou Dobbs' head.
The Colbert ReportS5 Derrick Pitts
Stephen handles Derrick Pitt's replica of Galileo's telescope with special magic gloves.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 3/31/09
Glenn Beck embarks on a new crusade, and David Plotz discusses every word of the Bible.
The Colbert ReportS5 The 10.31 Project
Stephen wants you to ring doorbells and demand that your neighbors make a tangible commitment to America in the form of a sugary treat.
The Colbert ReportS5 Obama's Epic Dog Quest
The Obamas' epic search for a dog inspired Stephen to write his own children's book.
The Colbert ReportS5 David Plotz
David Plotz learned that the Bible is a lot messier than what they teach in Sunday school.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sudoku Answers
Spoiler alert: Stephen has the answers to today's sudoku.
The Colbert ReportS5 Better Know a Lobby - Newspaper Association of America
Stephen urges John Sturm to include a porn section in online newspapers to earn extra cash.
The Colbert ReportS5 Dambisa Moyo
Dambisa Moyo wants to focus on long-term growth for Africa instead of temporary solutions.
The Colbert ReportS5 Hide-and-Seek
Stephen ends the hide-and-seek game he forgot to finish when he was seven.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Fine Line
The Line index: just as meaningless as the Dow Jones, but it always goes up.
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