The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 03/30/2009
Derrick Pitts could take Neil DeGrasse Tyson in a cage match.
Intro - 3/19/09The Colbert ReportS5
A new bill would require presidential candidates to produce birth records. Mitt Romney, you can just show your serial number.
John McCardellThe Colbert ReportS5
John McCardell believes the current drinking age law drives alcohol consumption out of public view, putting young people at greater risk.
Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele's ResponseThe Colbert ReportS5
In accordance with hip-hop's longstanding fairness doctrine, Stephen presents Michael Steele's rap response, remixed on behalf of Michael Steele.
Space Module: Colbert - Vote NowThe Colbert ReportS5
Don't forget to vote for NASA's space node to be named after Stephen.
Space Module: Colbert - Democracy in OrbitThe Colbert ReportS5
Representative Chaka Fattah insists that Stephen won the NASA node-naming contest fair and square.
Me Time - Emily Yoffe on Narcissistic Personality DisorderThe Colbert ReportS5
What's wrong with thinking that you are better than everyone else if it's the truth?
30 Minute ApplauseThe Colbert ReportS5
Late viewers, just pretend that you applauded for Stephen for 30 minutes.
Intro - 3/30/09The Colbert ReportS5
Is narcissism hurting America? More importantly, how does Stephen's hair look?
Me Time - American NarcissismThe Colbert ReportS5
We need ambition, self-confidence and extreme good looks to rebuild America.
Violence in MexicoThe Colbert ReportS5
Cross border drug traffic and violence could lead to the explosion of Lou Dobbs' head.
Derrick PittsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen handles Derrick Pitt's replica of Galileo's telescope with special magic gloves.
Intro - 3/31/09The Colbert ReportS5
Glenn Beck embarks on a new crusade, and David Plotz discusses every word of the Bible.
The 10.31 ProjectThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wants you to ring doorbells and demand that your neighbors make a tangible commitment to America in the form of a sugary treat.
Obama's Epic Dog QuestThe Colbert ReportS5
The Obamas' epic search for a dog inspired Stephen to write his own children's book.
David PlotzThe Colbert ReportS5
David Plotz learned that the Bible is a lot messier than what they teach in Sunday school.
Sudoku AnswersThe Colbert ReportS5
Spoiler alert: Stephen has the answers to today's sudoku.
Better Know a Lobby - Newspaper Association of AmericaThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen urges John Sturm to include a porn section in online newspapers to earn extra cash.
Dambisa MoyoThe Colbert ReportS5
Dambisa Moyo wants to focus on long-term growth for Africa instead of temporary solutions.
Hide-and-SeekThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen ends the hide-and-seek game he forgot to finish when he was seven.
The Word - Fine LineThe Colbert ReportS5
The Line index: just as meaningless as the Dow Jones, but it always goes up.
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