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The Colbert Report
Derrick Pitts
Season 5 • 03/30/2009
Derrick Pitts could take Neil DeGrasse Tyson in a cage match.
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Watching
00:36
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 3/19/09
A new bill would require presidential candidates to produce birth records. Mitt Romney, you can just show your serial number.
03/19/2009
05:45
The Colbert Report
S5
John McCardell
John McCardell believes the current drinking age law drives alcohol consumption out of public view, putting young people at greater risk.
03/19/2009
06:07
The Colbert Report
S5
Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele's Response
In accordance with hip-hop's longstanding fairness doctrine, Stephen presents Michael Steele's rap response, remixed on behalf of Michael Steele.
03/19/2009
00:23
The Colbert Report
S5
Space Module: Colbert - Vote Now
Don't forget to vote for NASA's space node to be named after Stephen.
03/19/2009
03:18
The Colbert Report
S5
Space Module: Colbert - Democracy in Orbit
Representative Chaka Fattah insists that Stephen won the NASA node-naming contest fair and square.
03/30/2009
03:51
The Colbert Report
S5
Me Time - Emily Yoffe on Narcissistic Personality Disorder
What's wrong with thinking that you are better than everyone else if it's the truth?
03/30/2009
00:11
The Colbert Report
S5
30 Minute Applause
Late viewers, just pretend that you applauded for Stephen for 30 minutes.
03/30/2009
00:35
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 3/30/09
Is narcissism hurting America? More importantly, how does Stephen's hair look?
03/30/2009
03:08
The Colbert Report
S5
Me Time - American Narcissism
We need ambition, self-confidence and extreme good looks to rebuild America.
03/30/2009
02:39
The Colbert Report
S5
Violence in Mexico
Cross border drug traffic and violence could lead to the explosion of Lou Dobbs' head.
03/30/2009
06:04
The Colbert Report
S5
Derrick Pitts
Stephen handles Derrick Pitt's replica of Galileo's telescope with special magic gloves.
03/30/2009
00:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 3/31/09
Glenn Beck embarks on a new crusade, and David Plotz discusses every word of the Bible.
03/31/2009
07:53
The Colbert Report
S5
The 10.31 Project
Stephen wants you to ring doorbells and demand that your neighbors make a tangible commitment to America in the form of a sugary treat.
03/31/2009
01:28
The Colbert Report
S5
Obama's Epic Dog Quest
The Obamas' epic search for a dog inspired Stephen to write his own children's book.
03/31/2009
04:48
The Colbert Report
S5
David Plotz
David Plotz learned that the Bible is a lot messier than what they teach in Sunday school.
03/31/2009
00:14
The Colbert Report
S5
Sudoku Answers
Spoiler alert: Stephen has the answers to today's sudoku.
03/31/2009
05:03
The Colbert Report
S5
Better Know a Lobby - Newspaper Association of America
Stephen urges John Sturm to include a porn section in online newspapers to earn extra cash.
03/31/2009
04:47
The Colbert Report
S5
Dambisa Moyo
Dambisa Moyo wants to focus on long-term growth for Africa instead of temporary solutions.
04/01/2009
00:16
The Colbert Report
S5
Hide-and-Seek
Stephen ends the hide-and-seek game he forgot to finish when he was seven.
04/01/2009
05:14
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - Fine Line
The Line index: just as meaningless as the Dow Jones, but it always goes up.
04/01/2009
00:32
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 4/1/09
The take-home message of this economy: there is nothing to take and you have no home.
04/01/2009
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A New Hero Is Here on Digman!
Andy Samberg voices action hero archaeologist Rip Digman on the new animated adventure series Digman!, premiering Wednesday, March 22, at 10:30/9:30c.
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A Familiar Face Returns in Teen Wolf: The Movie
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10/12/2022
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01:41
Cursed Friends
This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022