The Colbert Report

Derrick Pitts

Season 5 • 03/30/2009

Derrick Pitts could take Neil DeGrasse Tyson in a cage match.

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00:36

Intro - 3/19/09
The Colbert ReportS5

A new bill would require presidential candidates to produce birth records. Mitt Romney, you can just show your serial number.
03/19/2009
05:45

John McCardell
The Colbert ReportS5

John McCardell believes the current drinking age law drives alcohol consumption out of public view, putting young people at greater risk.
03/19/2009
06:07

Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele's Response
The Colbert ReportS5

In accordance with hip-hop's longstanding fairness doctrine, Stephen presents Michael Steele's rap response, remixed on behalf of Michael Steele.
03/19/2009
00:23

Space Module: Colbert - Vote Now
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't forget to vote for NASA's space node to be named after Stephen.
03/19/2009
03:18

Space Module: Colbert - Democracy in Orbit
The Colbert ReportS5

Representative Chaka Fattah insists that Stephen won the NASA node-naming contest fair and square.
03/30/2009
03:51

Me Time - Emily Yoffe on Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The Colbert ReportS5

What's wrong with thinking that you are better than everyone else if it's the truth?
03/30/2009
00:11

30 Minute Applause
The Colbert ReportS5

Late viewers, just pretend that you applauded for Stephen for 30 minutes.
03/30/2009
00:35

Intro - 3/30/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Is narcissism hurting America? More importantly, how does Stephen's hair look?
03/30/2009
03:08

Me Time - American Narcissism
The Colbert ReportS5

We need ambition, self-confidence and extreme good looks to rebuild America.
03/30/2009
02:39

Violence in Mexico
The Colbert ReportS5

Cross border drug traffic and violence could lead to the explosion of Lou Dobbs' head.
03/30/2009
06:04

Derrick Pitts
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen handles Derrick Pitt's replica of Galileo's telescope with special magic gloves.
03/30/2009
00:31

Intro - 3/31/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Glenn Beck embarks on a new crusade, and David Plotz discusses every word of the Bible.
03/31/2009
07:53

The 10.31 Project
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants you to ring doorbells and demand that your neighbors make a tangible commitment to America in the form of a sugary treat.
03/31/2009
01:28

Obama's Epic Dog Quest
The Colbert ReportS5

The Obamas' epic search for a dog inspired Stephen to write his own children's book.
03/31/2009
04:48

David Plotz
The Colbert ReportS5

David Plotz learned that the Bible is a lot messier than what they teach in Sunday school.
03/31/2009
00:14

Sudoku Answers
The Colbert ReportS5

Spoiler alert: Stephen has the answers to today's sudoku.
03/31/2009
05:03

Better Know a Lobby - Newspaper Association of America
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen urges John Sturm to include a porn section in online newspapers to earn extra cash.
03/31/2009
04:47

Dambisa Moyo
The Colbert ReportS5

Dambisa Moyo wants to focus on long-term growth for Africa instead of temporary solutions.
04/01/2009
00:16

Hide-and-Seek
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen ends the hide-and-seek game he forgot to finish when he was seven.
04/01/2009
05:14

The Word - Fine Line
The Colbert ReportS5

The Line index: just as meaningless as the Dow Jones, but it always goes up.
04/01/2009
00:32

Intro - 4/1/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The take-home message of this economy: there is nothing to take and you have no home.
04/01/2009
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