The Colbert Report

Derrick Pitts

Season 5 • 03/30/2009

Derrick Pitts could take Neil DeGrasse Tyson in a cage match.

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00:36

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 3/19/09

A new bill would require presidential candidates to produce birth records. Mitt Romney, you can just show your serial number.
03/19/2009
05:45

The Colbert ReportS5
John McCardell

John McCardell believes the current drinking age law drives alcohol consumption out of public view, putting young people at greater risk.
03/19/2009
06:07

The Colbert ReportS5
Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele's Response

In accordance with hip-hop's longstanding fairness doctrine, Stephen presents Michael Steele's rap response, remixed on behalf of Michael Steele.
03/19/2009
00:23

The Colbert ReportS5
Space Module: Colbert - Vote Now

Don't forget to vote for NASA's space node to be named after Stephen.
03/19/2009
03:18

The Colbert ReportS5
Space Module: Colbert - Democracy in Orbit

Representative Chaka Fattah insists that Stephen won the NASA node-naming contest fair and square.
03/30/2009
03:51

The Colbert ReportS5
Me Time - Emily Yoffe on Narcissistic Personality Disorder

What's wrong with thinking that you are better than everyone else if it's the truth?
03/30/2009
00:11

The Colbert ReportS5
30 Minute Applause

Late viewers, just pretend that you applauded for Stephen for 30 minutes.
03/30/2009
00:35

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 3/30/09

Is narcissism hurting America? More importantly, how does Stephen's hair look?
03/30/2009
03:08

The Colbert ReportS5
Me Time - American Narcissism

We need ambition, self-confidence and extreme good looks to rebuild America.
03/30/2009
02:39

The Colbert ReportS5
Violence in Mexico

Cross border drug traffic and violence could lead to the explosion of Lou Dobbs' head.
03/30/2009
06:04

The Colbert ReportS5
Derrick Pitts

Stephen handles Derrick Pitt's replica of Galileo's telescope with special magic gloves.
03/30/2009
00:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 3/31/09

Glenn Beck embarks on a new crusade, and David Plotz discusses every word of the Bible.
03/31/2009
07:53

The Colbert ReportS5
The 10.31 Project

Stephen wants you to ring doorbells and demand that your neighbors make a tangible commitment to America in the form of a sugary treat.
03/31/2009
01:28

The Colbert ReportS5
Obama's Epic Dog Quest

The Obamas' epic search for a dog inspired Stephen to write his own children's book.
03/31/2009
04:48

The Colbert ReportS5
David Plotz

David Plotz learned that the Bible is a lot messier than what they teach in Sunday school.
03/31/2009
00:14

The Colbert ReportS5
Sudoku Answers

Spoiler alert: Stephen has the answers to today's sudoku.
03/31/2009
05:03

The Colbert ReportS5
Better Know a Lobby - Newspaper Association of America

Stephen urges John Sturm to include a porn section in online newspapers to earn extra cash.
03/31/2009
04:47

The Colbert ReportS5
Dambisa Moyo

Dambisa Moyo wants to focus on long-term growth for Africa instead of temporary solutions.
04/01/2009
00:16

The Colbert ReportS5
Hide-and-Seek

Stephen ends the hide-and-seek game he forgot to finish when he was seven.
04/01/2009
05:14

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Fine Line

The Line index: just as meaningless as the Dow Jones, but it always goes up.
04/01/2009
00:32

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/1/09

The take-home message of this economy: there is nothing to take and you have no home.
04/01/2009
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