The Colbert Report
ThreatDown - Gay Divorce
Season 5 • 02/09/2009
God meant for divorce to be between a man and a woman.
Keep Your Friends CloseThe Colbert ReportS5
You can keep your enemies closer by hating yourself.
Intro - 2/5/09The Colbert ReportS5
What's in the stimulus package? Stephen's guessing high-fructose corn syrup because that stuff is in everything.
Stelephant Colbert the Elephant SealThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen has a hideous elephant seal named after him.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Boy Scouts of AmericaThe Colbert ReportS5
The Boy Scouts of America proudly raise the Scout sign and tell their own conservation code to read between the lines.
Jonah LehrerThe Colbert ReportS5
Jonah Lehrer talks about finding a balance between the rational and the emotional in decision-making.
Economic Stimulus Bill - James SurowieckiThe Colbert ReportS5
James Surowiecki says the Democrats are using the financial crisis to push through programs that are in the long-term interest of Americans.
Economic Stimulus DebateThe Colbert ReportS5
Democrats take a page from the Republicans' fear book when selling the economic stimulus bill.
Intro - 2/9/09The Colbert ReportS5
A married lesbian couple files for divorce and moves into separate Subaru Outbacks, and someone won a Grammy.
The New Word CzarThe Colbert ReportS5
Michael Steele navigates the subtleties of our language as he talks about the stimulus bill.
Al Gore Steals Stephen's GrammyThe Colbert ReportS5
Since Stephen's voice isn't worth a Grammy, he's going to stop talking forever.
ThreatDown - Gay DivorceThe Colbert ReportS5
A lesbian couple files for divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable sameness, and the Japanese poop gold.
Shout Out - Honey, Counterterrorism & an Old Guard FlagThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen gets a fresh stash of pharmaceutical-grade hive jive and learns of a Counterterrorism Calendar.
The Visa Black CardThe Colbert ReportS5
Visa: it's everywhere you want to be, unless that place is a Jimmy Buffett concert.
The Word - Loyal OppositionThe Colbert ReportS5
The best way for Republicans to win back the trust of the people is to copy the strategy of our enemies.
You Look Like StephenThe Colbert ReportS5
You look like Stephen, if he were on a curvy, glassy thing.
Intro - 2/10/09The Colbert ReportS5
Tough times for the Republican Party -- this sounds like a job for tax cuts.
Robert BallardThe Colbert ReportS5
Robert Ballard explains why ocean exploration is a good investment.
Truth From the GutThe Colbert ReportS5
Forget looking into each other's eyes for the truth, we need to look into each other's guts.
Good Night -- Except for the West CoastThe Colbert ReportS5
That's it for The Report, unless you are watching on the West Coast.
Intro - 2/11/09The Colbert ReportS5
Wshington, D.C. wants a vote, and Glenn Beck brings innovation to Fox News.
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